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Old 04-15-2011, 04:52 AM
 
14,237 posts, read 7,895,484 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
There are also the things that "dad" teaches and handles..they missed out on that. Much as I could teach them, there are a lot of things I just can't do or teach. My fastball blows.
But there are always things that a parent doesn't know how to do and cannot teach their child. Again, I don't think this is a valid reason to forgo single parenting.
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,459 posts, read 3,745,070 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LVKim8 View Post
I also have a great support system, so that probably makes my situation different from one who totally does it on their own. However, I will say my kids lead a great life, I'd even call it a 'charmed life'. Why? Because they have everything many kids from two-parent families don't - parental involvement in their lives, a caring,loving home, and financial security. They don't have a parent frustrated by an absentee spouse who can't or won't take part in their childrens lives. They aren't neglected and they don't live in a dysfunctional, chaotic situation. Ever watch Dr. Phil? A parade of self-centered, ill-prepared parents who have no clue how their behavior affects their kids.

For those who think my kids are 'missing out'. Here's what they will never miss - the trauma of their parent's divorce, the rejection of a remarried parent who moves on to a 'new' family, the challenge of a blended family. Maybe some kids will do fine with this, but many won't. I know mine won't have to find out.

For those who think it's a selfish thing to do. No, it's a great sacrifice. The hardest thing a person can do is become a (good) parent. When I was 'single', I lived as I pleased, didn't have to consider anyone's future but my own, and generally had only myself to think of. A lot different from being a parent, I'd say.

So just thought I'd add my perspective. Not everyone who chooses this life regrets it.

Kim, I'm sure your kids are doing well, and I commend you for being a good parent. One would assume that would be the goal of anyone who went into parenthood on purpose, no matter how many partners they had in the job.

I'm struck, though-- not just in your post, but in a lot of them-- that we as parents tend to justify ourselves by pointing out the dire results that have befallen those who've taken a different route. I'm not a good married parent to my youngest because some single parents are lousy. And I wasn't a good single mom to my eldest because some married parents get divorced or peevish with their partner. I'm a good parent, with all of them, because I chose to be and because I totally rock, despite the fact that I throw like an uncoordinated girl. (Now, will someone please help me with this pulled arm muscle I got while patting myself on the back?)
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Old 04-15-2011, 07:51 AM
 
1,058 posts, read 659,423 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
Geesh, you go out for a while.....

First, I am exceedingly happy with my life. I raised 2 exceptional children, have a great man, make a great living, have a great career, nice condo in the heart of the city, nice car and a shoe collection that would make Mrs Marcos blush. I have everything non material and material I could ever ask for. So the theory on how miserable I am can be thrown out the window.

I would not trade one single second of anything I lived and went through. I cherish every moment with my boys. Would I do it again? Hell to the effin no.

Why do I care so much? Because I care about kids. I love kids and I want every last one of them to get everything they ever wanted. I gave my boys everything and I couldn't give them the one thing that they desperately needed, whether they realized it or verbalized it or not.

This thread asked for opinions from single parents. I gave mine and I am the voice of experience as with others in this thread. 90% of them recommend not doing it. Statistics say not to do it. But hey, the girl who got custody of a newborn at 17 and at 20 is having another baby, so she knows it all. Go with that if it makes you feel better. You're the only one who has to live with yourself and your decisions. Only you're not.
I didnt get custody of him, I dont think I could have if I wanted to as I was 17 but I RAISED him key word raised. He calls me mom now and is very excited for his little sister. When my bf and I get married after the baby is born I do plan to legally adopt. But im not single so I dont get why your pointing my situation out as it has nothing to do with the OP.
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:07 AM
 
64 posts, read 96,688 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
Cant say for sure but maybe all of those kids were from the single parent family where the pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted in the first place. In this situation the child is wanted and planned there fore will get love and attention it needs to be a functioning member in society. Im not a big fan of statitics because alot more plays into each of those situations.
I'm pretty sure that not all children in chemical dependency hospitals are from pregnacies that were unplanned or unwanted...same goes for incarcerated youths, suicides and teen pregnancies.

Also, I don't believe that all unplanned pregnancies are unwanted. In fact I would say that most pregnancies are in fact wanted, either before the fact or after. (I did not say all)

My point is the RISK is there and it's a big risk IMO...it's a gamble with the odds not in favor of the child.
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:55 AM
 
1,058 posts, read 659,423 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plfriend View Post
I'm pretty sure that not all children in chemical dependency hospitals are from pregnacies that were unplanned or unwanted...same goes for incarcerated youths, suicides and teen pregnancies.

Also, I don't believe that all unplanned pregnancies are unwanted. In fact I would say that most pregnancies are in fact wanted, either before the fact or after. (I did not say all)

My point is the RISK is there and it's a big risk IMO...it's a gamble with the odds not in favor of the child.

theres a risk of getting skin cancer if your in the sun too much should you stay indoors your whole life?
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Old 04-15-2011, 10:57 AM
 
Location: The Land of Reason
13,169 posts, read 4,508,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Single parenting is alot of work. And you never get down time, especially if you don't have a support system, or supportive family to help you, or enough money to have a break once in awhile. I don't think it would work for me. I will be honest, I think kids need a Dad, even if it is a divorced Dad. When one of my sons was just too disrespectful to me, he went to live with his Dad, and really straightened up. Some kids need that. And some sons just don't respect Mom enough to listen.
Personally, I really believe that. A woman can raise a boy but she cannot raise a man alone without some positive male influences in his life
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Old 04-15-2011, 11:09 AM
 
64 posts, read 96,688 times
Reputation: 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
theres a risk of getting skin cancer if your in the sun too much should you stay indoors your whole life?
No, but I'm making a choice for myself....not a child. You better believe I would coat sunscreen on my child if he was out in the sun for prolonged periods of time and do everything in my power to cut the risks of him getting cancer.

I certainly would not have my child out in the sun everyday exposed because I wanted to be by the pool.
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Old 04-16-2011, 04:20 PM
Status: "Corn well over knee high!" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
67,347 posts, read 54,947,129 times
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There were times when I thought it might be easier to raise kids w/o a partner, e.g. when we didn't agree on major issues, and even some minor issues. I remember once when the kids' school picture orders had to be in and DH was out of town. I thought, this was so much easier. Some of the harder issues I'll keep to myself; don't want to air the family dirty linen in public. However, there were times when he was out of town that I thought I'd go crazy! Thankfully, he didn't travel too much, and not at all the last few years of active parenting, that is, when the kids were still in high school.
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Old 04-16-2011, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,459 posts, read 3,745,070 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simetime View Post
Personally, I really believe that. A woman can raise a boy but she cannot raise a man alone without some positive male influences in his life
"Positive influences" don't have to be a resident male parent, however. (Or resident female parent, in the case of single dads-- though people don't tend to blast them with the same vehemence they do single moms, for some reason. IME, single dads generally seem to get Good Parent badges simply for the fact of their existence.)
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Old 04-16-2011, 07:42 PM
 
14,237 posts, read 7,895,484 times
Reputation: 6697
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite View Post
"Positive influences" don't have to be a resident male parent, however. (Or resident female parent, in the case of single dads-- though people don't tend to blast them with the same vehemence they do single moms, for some reason. IME, single dads generally seem to get Good Parent badges simply for the fact of their existence.)
It's not limited to just single dads. DH gets a free pass on most things with the kids that would earn me the old evil eye if it were me & the kids.
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