Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks. She had her heart broken a few years ago and seems to not be ready to get into a relationship again. But she just finished a second degree and got a new job, so who knows where she'll go.
As to your first statement--I am the kind of person who assumes that everything that can go wrong will, because that's how things usually work for me. I was terrified through my entire pregnancy that something would be wrong with my baby or that I would miscarry/have a stillborn child. I hardly ever felt the baby move within me--sometimes I would push my stomach around to try to see if the baby was still alive. Other than that, my pregnancy was totally uneventful until the last minute when I went for a non-stress fetal test because she was late, and they discovered she WAS in fetal distress, ran me down to the OR and removed her immediately via C-section. (She was fine. Now she's 20. Very pretty and very smart and a good person besides.)
And I did raise her alone for the most part--had to have the police remove my husband when she was around 8, and it took him a few years to get himself together enough to be an involved father.
Re: your niece, I think that's kind of the best part of being young - the possibilities of all the places one can end up, if that makes any sense.
Good point re: worrying about bad things happening. I think I probably should have said, most people even though we worry something will go wrong don't truly expect/plan for things to go wrong. I can totally appreciate being terrified of losing the pregnancy. How scary that she was in fetal distress at the end! I'm also sorry for what you had to go through with your ex. Do I remember correctly from other threads that she is the wonderful young woman studying abroad right now? If so, I remember being impressed by her!
That's not always true. My brother was raised by my mother and has great respect for women. And it's worth adding that I know several males from two-parent families who are pretty disrespectful individuals. Your post is completely narrow-minded and though I see the point you're trying to get across, it doesn't apply to everybody. Please understand that.
And the truth comes out! I was actually reading your post with an open mind until that last sentence.
I am really thinking or removing that last sentence because I can't find the right word for it. I actually already tried to explain this in another post. I can't describe what I actually mean ESPECIALLY in written form. Complete is just the closest word I could find. I am sorry if my inability to find the right word made you disregard the rest of the post. I really wish I had a better way of describing it.
Re: your niece, I think that's kind of the best part of being young - the possibilities of all the places one can end up, if that makes any sense.
Good point re: worrying about bad things happening. I think I probably should have said, most people even though we worry something will go wrong don't truly expect/plan for things to go wrong. I can totally appreciate being terrified of losing the pregnancy. How scary that she was in fetal distress at the end! I'm also sorry for what you had to go through with your ex. Do I remember correctly from other threads that she is the wonderful young woman studying abroad right now? If so, I remember being impressed by her!
Yes, thank you. I lucked out with her.
Even though my marriage was pretty bad and my ex had a lot of issues, I am more fortunate than some women who were in that position in that I had a somewhat decent job and could support us.
My fear is that I would get so attached to the child, too attached for a temporary situation. I would be devastated if I got a child, grew to love it, and then have him/her snatched away from me.
With foster care after a certain period of time and evaluation they (the courts) will take you into consideration for a permanent home for the child. From what I seen in the past, if the child is happy and well adjusted to the foster child parent and is doing well they normally let the child stay
That's an excellent suggestion, simetime. Sadly, the OP is set in her mind. She plans to perpetuate the absent father mentality of the AA community.
She proudly announced in a recent post that black women have been raising children alone for years, as if that's a good thing. It's so sad.
The real sad time about it, is that many of the woman that are single parents want a man to around to help with the children. I grew up in a bad part of town and ended up being a caseworker for a couple of years, hearing some of the events that took place in the single parent homes was heartbreaking.
I am really thinking or removing that last sentence because I can't find the right word for it. I actually already tried to explain this in another post. I can't describe what I actually mean ESPECIALLY in written form. Complete is just the closest word I could find. I am sorry if my inability to find the right word made you disregard the rest of the post. I really wish I had a better way of describing it.
No apologies. I enjoyed the rest of your post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by simetime
The real sad time about it, is that many of the woman that are single parents want a man to around to help with the children. I grew up in a bad part of town and ended up being a caseworker for a couple of years, hearing some of the events that took place in the single parent homes was heartbreaking.
I can imagine. The thing is that these things don't just happen in single-parent families. Kids in all family-types, socioeconomic classes and cultural backgrounds experience abuse and tough family situations.
Sometimes things happen, and people end up as single parents. It is a tough road. I think single parents need to have a support system, or something to rely on.
I won't judge anyone on elective single parenting. Just know it is not easy.
I've been a single mom for 11 years (my kids are teenagers). My ex (father of my kids) died in September, so now I'm really, really a single mom.
I have single friends who would make excellent parents. One of them is hoping to adopt soon (as a single person) and I'm all for it. I also have married friends who are terrible parents, married friends who are awesome parents, single friends/relatives who are awesome or awful parents... as with everything, the situation really depends on the individual.
I'm a single parent (my son is 10), and I guess it would depend on certain things- financial stability, whether someone really wants to be a parent badly, whether someone is willing to sacrifice their free time, etc.
I love being a mom, and once my son's father left the picture, I knew I would have to step up and play the role of both mother AND father. I have to admit that it's been easy for me, as my son is such a perfect kid. However, for others, it might not be as easy, so it's probably best not to automatically recommend this path for them.
It is certainly a choice that is not cut and dry and needs to be considered on an individual basis. There are some women who really want a child but have not found a partner that they necessarily want to spend their life with - these women shouldn't be penalized. As long as a single mom is willing to put the childs needs ahead of her own and can handle the financial responsibility, why not? There are actually select incidences of single moms (I know of one) who find it easier without her x-partners involvement.
Sure if they have the ability to do it then why not .
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The thing is that these things don't just happen in single-parent families. Kids in all family-types, socioeconomic classes and cultural backgrounds experience abuse and tough family situations.
.
