Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It worries me what is happening with young people......that sounds like the "pharm party", where the kids bring prescription meds out of parents med cab..... then put them all together in a bowl and orally take whatever their dip-in hand comes up with....
Wish I had some advice. Just wanted to say good for you for not looking the other way....we know there are parents who are not diligent about watching the activities of their children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davachka
So daughter is in 9th grade....she came to me a few months ago and told me how upset she was that one of her best friends had gotten drunk with another girl and how dangerous she thought that was.
Fast forward to now....I found a string of emails from that same best friend to my daughter and to 5 more girls....talking about how they should get together and have a sleep over and how everyone should bring their share of alcohol...how they will do what they had done with just 2 girls but now with 5-6 girls...the girl who invited said, yes, I will have my older (11th) grade brother get me some, and you guys can steal from your parents and all chip in....all the girls were emailing, yes, I am in...all except my daughter she never responded to those emails, she sent her a separate message stating she couldn't do the sleepover but she could meet the next afternoon to have lunch at a tea room.
SO how do I approach this situation? I already called the girls mom who did the inviting in the first place...who at first said, oh those are just rumors...and so I read the emails to her, since its not just her daughter but also her son. I told her not to divulge that this info is from me, just to say one of the parents found out. I don't want the blame to be put on my duaghter/I want to stay anonymous. But this needs to stop before its a habit of these girls. I am confident my daughter would not have participated but it upsets me that all her friends were involved. I am just going to tell my daughter that one of the moms found out about this plan. But this needs to be nipped in the bud, we can't just say, no sleepover this weekend, because the girls will try to do it another weekend. By the way, these are all honor roll, athletes, etc, its very surprising.
No, we communicated and talked it out and both know 100% what happened. I am very proud of her for being her own individual and following her convictions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
OP, I just want to say that I'm shocked you are lying to your daughter. She will find out it was you. You're going to lose her trust.
Thank you
I couldn't agree more, we need to do our job as parents, and protect them.
Whether I am the most popular parent or not, is not the point.
The point is that my daughter will not be participating in the drinking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron
What a daughter you have! Congratulations.
It worries me what is happening with young people......that sounds like the "pharm party", where the kids bring prescription meds out of parents med cab..... then put them all together in a bowl and orally take whatever their dip-in hand comes up with....
Wish I had some advice. Just wanted to say good for you for not looking the other way....we know there are parents who are not diligent about watching the activities of their children.
No, we communicated and talked it out and both know 100% what happened. I am very proud of her for being her own individual and following her convictions.
You said in your initial post that you were going to lie to your daughter and say "someone's parent" found out.
What caused you to have a change of heart? The fear that mother wouldn't keep your secret?
I did not think that part through, and my daughter and I are very open and honest with each other. SO that was not really an option. Nor was that the point of my post and is quite irrelevant. The point was whether or not other parents would do what I did, and contact the other mothers. Which I was happy to hear that many other parents still believe in doing the right thing, which I was going to do regardless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
You said in your initial post that you were going to lie to your daughter and say "someone's parent" found out.
What caused you to have a change of heart? The fear that mother wouldn't keep your secret?
I'm officially done with this thread, the situation has been dealt with, but I wanted to say thank you to all the people who sent me pm full of praise and support. I really appreciate it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana
^^^Maybe being the operative word. I've heard plenty of stories from my kids, and I'm not naive enough to believe they tell me everything.
I did not think that part through, and my daughter and I are very open and honest with each other. SO that was not really an option. Nor was that the point of my post and is quite irrelevant. The point was whether or not other parents would do what I did, and contact the other mothers. Which I was happy to hear that many other parents still believe in doing the right thing, which I was going to do regardless.
One persons right thing is another persons wrong...........
I'm not saying that I would encourage my children to drink below the legal age at all. I think it prudent to abide by the law where you live, and the law that also affects their peers. My point, which in retrospect I didn't make too well, was that people go crazy making sure their children don't have a drop to drink until they are 21, then the kids head off to college and binge drink for the next 4 years. There has to be a middle-ground somewhere, and I think if they have had meaningful conversations with their parents, and have even had the opportunity to drink socially with positive role-models, such as their parents, they can handle it a bit better. Maybe.
I agree with that - a parent can teach a child that limited alcohol is okay, a parent can allow their child to have a half a glass of beer or a glass of wine with meals, a mixed drink - whatever.
Not some other parent however. I can offer my own kids in my own house a half a can of beer if that's the approach I want to take with drinking but I have no right to provide your kids or other people's kids alcohol.
And I do give my kids an occasional drink because I want to take the thrill out of, I want to be the one to teach them the proper way to drink alcoholic beverages and not have it be their partying peers that teach them.
I agree with that - a parent can teach a child that limited alcohol is okay, a parent can allow their child to have a half a glass of beer or a glass of wine with meals, a mixed drink - whatever.
Not some other parent however. I can offer my own kids in my own house a half a can of beer if that's the approach I want to take with drinking but I have no right to provide your kids or other people's kids alcohol.
And I do give my kids an occasional drink because I want to take the thrill out of, I want to be the one to teach them the proper way to drink alcoholic beverages and not have it be their partying peers that teach them.
I agree with this. Without much forethought, this is what we have done. Mine have always been permitted to have a token amount of wine at holiday dinners. I recall when they were young, they were given grape juice. As they grew older, it was a taste of wine progressing up to a half glass as they grew. As full grown teens, they got a whole glass of wine. We did the same with champaign at weddings.
We don't drink alcohol in our house on a regular basis. But sometimes there is a bottle of something here that lasts for years, like scotch hubby got from a sibling for Christmas. When they tasted it, they hated it. Currently, I have a bottle of Hypnotic. Every few months one of them will mix it with soda or OJ. Just one drink without asking. I don't say anything. I'm quietly watching my children demonstrate natural moderation. They're adults after all.
Last weekend, my son went away with his father for a weekend camping for trout fishing. It's a big party---about 40 people go. My son had no restrictions, same as my daughter after she turned 18 (now over 21). They both drink responsibly and are often the voice of reason with their friends. Drinking isn't "cool" to my children and they view their friends who think drinking is "cool" as immature.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
