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Old 04-24-2011, 04:05 AM
 
1,611 posts, read 1,031,828 times
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When I was a kid i used to stutter when i became excited or upset and my mom used to mock me while i stuttered. she's mock me in a very demeaning tone. Also, once a week she'd become physically violent. one time in the fourth grade she smashed my head against a wall because i was mad at her for threateneing me. I was also hit with metal spoons, made fun of. Told when I had acne as a teenager and needed acne creme that 'i would just have to live with it and let everyone make fun of me' because she was mad at me at the time.

Also, i got the silent treatment when I got mad at her (legitametly so for being abused).

Are these normal things for a mom to do?

She thinks she is such a great parent that there is a 'special place in heaven for people like her' which she says all the time.

Also, if I gain weight, she's the first to point it out and to make fun of me for it. But she gets mad when strangers make fun of fat people. but if i get thin then she's always trying to shove food at me, and if i don't eat it she gets mad.
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Old 04-24-2011, 04:06 AM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
8,270 posts, read 6,666,728 times
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No.

Seek help, seriously.

None of that is anywhere near normal.
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Old 04-24-2011, 04:12 AM
 
1,611 posts, read 1,031,828 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 415_s2k View Post
No.

Seek help, seriously.

None of that is anywhere near normal.
thanks,

that's what i'm trying to do now. My mom seriously thinks that she never did anything wrong. My dad was very passive and is afraid of my mom. He never wants to 'rock the boat'. I've told him about all of the things that mom has done but he doesn't care. He even says 'hmm... sounds like an abusive relationship..' and then went back to watching tv.
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Old 04-24-2011, 05:38 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
5,355 posts, read 6,703,125 times
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Yes, this is pretty serious emotional and psychological (not to mention the physical) abuse. I'm very sorry you had to grow up this way and I hope you can overcome it with therapy.
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Old 04-24-2011, 09:19 AM
 
157 posts, read 35,300 times
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Your mom is an extremely unhappy, mal-adusted person. It should be suggested to her that she move out and get a divorce and find some kind of peace for herself. Seriously.

There IS a special place for her, but it's not in heaven. Her anger has nothing to do with you. It's all her. She's just using you to vent what is wrong inside herself.

How old are you? If you're old enough to move out, go for it and don't look back. Call child services and ask what you could do to get yourself out of that situation.
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Old 04-24-2011, 09:54 AM
 
9,717 posts, read 7,035,267 times
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Believe me, those are NOT normal things for a mom to do....I would like to think they are very abnormal....You sound like you've grown up in a very abusive household, and I'm very sorry about that....I just hope it doesn't taint your opinions of other woman....there are a lot of really good woman, and good mothers out there....unfortunately yours wasn't one of them.
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Old 04-24-2011, 10:06 AM
 
6,986 posts, read 16,689,007 times
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Being a mother or father doesn't automatically make a person a good person. If you are old enough to get a job and support yourself, leave! She doesn't understand that you have rights too.

And after you leave, don't look back. Just as you would cut an abusive neighbor out of your life, you can do the same with a poor mother.
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Old 04-24-2011, 11:18 AM
 
43,017 posts, read 50,723,815 times
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What you describe is definitely abuse. You're not going to get her to acknowledge it or change. Looking to your father to do something isn't realistic either. You need to break away from the abuse by forming your own life and becoming independent. Definitely seek counseling if you're struggling with insecurity or a mental illness such as depression, anxiety, etc. You might need help correcting the years of damage she has done.
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Old 04-24-2011, 12:02 PM
 
1,083 posts, read 1,426,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
thanks,

that's what i'm trying to do now. My mom seriously thinks that she never did anything wrong. My dad was very passive and is afraid of my mom. He never wants to 'rock the boat'. I've told him about all of the things that mom has done but he doesn't care. He even says 'hmm... sounds like an abusive relationship..' and then went back to watching tv.
As others have said, yes, your mother is abusive. Your father is equally responsible for not protecting you. Most abusers will not admit that they are abusive or wrong in any way, so forget about getting her to do that. Your best bet is to put as much distance as possible between you and them, and focus on making yourself well. Therapy will help. It will help you to reframe events from your childhood, will help with unhealthy thought distortions, and will help prevent you from falling into the trap of drawing unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships into your life - which is what tends to happen to those who have been abused. Read books (Susan Forward and Nina W. Brown are good. Do an amazon search and find what sounds like it might help you - you don't have to buy them, but can probably get some at your local library).

Surround yourself with people who treat you well, even if it feels weird at first. People who have been abused have a very high threshold for putting up with bad behavior. You have to readjust your threshold. Forget about trying to get your parents to change. If they ever change it will be in their own time and in their own way. You can't make them gain insight, and you need to know that it's not you. They are the ones who are screwed up.

You also might do an internet search for narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic mothers. There is no way to know for sure if you're mother has this personality disorder (which cannot be cured), but it will probably still give you some insights. Good luck to you.

P.S. I am so so sorry that you grew up in this kind of environment. No child deserves that. The great thing is that you are in charge of your life and can make it wonderful once you are an adult.
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Old 04-24-2011, 12:27 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
5,876 posts, read 6,674,757 times
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Judging from your other posts, you're an adult and have been for a while

So why are you focusing so much on what your mom did when you were a child? As an adult, if you can't stand her, then distance yourself. Let her calls go to voicemail, call her back once a week and tell her you've been busy. She's not going to change or suddenly apologize for your childhood...my mom doesn't even remember half of the things she did to me and my sister...she's definitely looking back on the years with a heavily edited memory, and it sounds like your mom is too.
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