Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Anyone who has over 18 y/o children living at home, what do you see as reasonable expectations for them and contributions to the household?
I had chores to do as a kid, then I married and had kids young, and now I'm 40 with an 18 and 21 y/o.
I feel like if they want to continue to live here rent free, they need to be contributing to the household along the lines of getting things done like trash, dishes, lawn work instead of expecting their parents to do everything and them to live like children forever.
I feel like if they want to continue to live here rent free, they need to be contributing to the household along the lines of getting things done like trash, dishes, lawn work instead of expecting their parents to do everything and them to live like children forever.
Are they in college? Working full-time? If they are in college and not working I would expect them to do a LOT of the chores you mentioned. If they are working full time they should be expected to do chores AND contribute to their food at the very least, assuming they are paying their own car insurance, cell phones, etc.
Are they in college? Working full-time? If they are in college and not working I would expect them to do a LOT of the chores you mentioned. If they are working full time they should be expected to do chores AND contribute to their food at the very least, assuming they are paying their own car insurance, cell phones, etc.
The 21 y/o works full time and pays his own car payment, cell phone and insurance. The 18 y/o is attending colleger 2 days a week right now and does not work.
I feel as the parent and owner of the house only YOU can set the expectations because they will vary from person to person. Do what you think is right.
I would offer that, as a parent, your expectations are that the child should move out once their education is completed.
After all, the entire role of a parent is to prepare the child for life. That really can't happen if the son has a place to stay, no matter how well-intentioned the parent might be. As someone whose brother-in-law is still living with the folks at age 45, I've seen what happens when a kid gets way too comfortable being in a nice house.
Even if you make them pay for room and board, that doesn't really begin to pay for the expenses that child accrues living there. So the biggest favor you can do them is to push them out of the nest after they've held down a decent job for a couple of months.
When I got divorced after my first marriage I was in pretty sad financial shape and I had to move back home at 26 years of age. Embarrassing as that was, I was sincerely grateful for the opportunity my mom and dad gave me to get back on my feet.... I ended up staying for two years, saving money, getting out of the financial hole the divorce put me in, and just generally getting my life back on track..... By doing this, my folks helped me to save enough money for the down payment on my own first house....
As such:
I did all the yard work for my dad.
I did a lot of the cooking and cleaning for my mom.
I completely remodeled both bathrooms and the kitchen in their house, and replaced all of the exterior windows and doors....
I pitched in for groceries and utilities (even though they said I didn't have to)....
Grown kids staying with their folks seldom realize what a sweet deal they have. They should definitely pitch in financially or with work/chores or both.....
When I got divorced after my first marriage I was in pretty sad financial shape and I had to move back home at 26 years of age. Embarrassing as that was, I was sincerely grateful for the opportunity my mom and dad gave me to get back on my feet.... I ended up staying for two years, saving money, getting out of the financial hole the divorce put me in, and just generally getting my life back on track..... By doing this, my folks helped me to save enough money for the down payment on my own first house....
As such:
I did all the yard work for my dad.
I did a lot of the cooking and cleaning for my mom.
I completely remodeled both bathrooms and the kitchen in their house, and replaced all of the exterior windows and doors....
I pitched in for groceries and utilities (even though they said I didn't have to)....
Grown kids staying with their folks seldom realize what a sweet deal they have. They should definitely pitch in financially or with work/chores or both.....
^^^^^^^^ and there you have it! To me, this is the answer, right here! I stayed with my parents for a short time, in between marriages when I was young (married just before 17, divorcing 1-1/2 yrs later. My parents were SICK that I moved out after 3 months back at home. When they had kids living at home, they had grown so accustomed to being able to work full time, and yet have someone home doing many of the chores, that once all of their kids moved out, the place was quickly going down hill fast.
My moving home, working part-time, and taking over many, many of the property maintenance and cooking, was a Godsend to my parents. As I said, they were horribly disappointed when I had found my own place 3 months later. LOL They had already planned out how nice it would be for them to take off and run around the country, never having to worry about the upkeep of their home. LOL
Seriously though, if your children are over 18 and still living at home, they need to be treating your home as THEIR home. Some folks over the age of 18 have a tendency to want the best of BOTH worlds. In other words, they expect to be treated like a "child" or a "guest" in their parents' homes. No, that is NOT the way it should work. If they're attending college full time and do not have a job, they need to be instructed on how to be a co-runner of the household. There should not be a "will you vacuum the floor, wash the dishes, do the laundry, mow the lawn, etc." They should be expected to pay their rent and utilities, as well as anything else their parents are no longer "obligated" to provide, by doing work around their homes.
If they are employed, they not only need to help shoulder the responsiblity for the upkeep of the home and daily chores (without having to be asked....AND not begrudgingly), as well as paying a share of the household expenses. If there are 4 people living in the home, the adult child should be contributing 1/4 toward the utilities. If there is a mortgage payment? Well...1/4 of that mortgage pmt should be their responsibility. How else are these children to fully comprehend the cost of having a home and what home ownership/independence costs?
We have an adult child living with us. She is a "roommate", not a child. She knows how blessed and fortunate she is to have access to a huge home, workshops, gardens, yards, and the freedom to have a "say" in what goes on here. She is not at all like a child, but rather a fully contributing, responsible member of this household. She does not go out partying, or running around, nor does she constantly drag others home to the house, even though this is HER house, too. She completely respects the home and our privacy. She is also attending college full time.
As beachmel said it, my kids are exactly the poster child for wanting both worlds. They want to live like they can do as they like but not contribute to the household.
I feel like my hands are tied as far as getting them to help out or move out. I'm really tired of having the extra work to do while they are no longer children.
Sounds like they're comfortable where they are and have no motivation to move out, not unusual w/ a lot families. What does the 18 yo do w/ all his/her spare time when not in college 2 days/week? If s/he drives, no reason for him/her not to pay for his/her car insurance, same w/ cell phone charges etc, surely the 18 yo can find a p/t job. Would just remind them that you need certain help (only you know what you need and if they maintain their rooms etc) and they should pony up to pitch in for a fair amount or move out, let them know you're there to support them emotionally but they have to do their fair share too (and stick to it), you don't want to give them a free ride b/c life isn't about free rides etc, they need some reasonable and realistical goals. Are they saving any $$, would make a budget, sit down w/ them and show them the monthly expenses, explain to them they have to help out monetarily as well as w/ chores around the house from now on, and that you expect to see a big improvement, if not, there are consequences and stick to them, their free ride is over.
Last edited by Honeycrisp; 04-26-2011 at 02:31 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
