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I appologize if I this sounds bad. But today I found out my wife is pregnant with a girl, and all this time I was hoping for a boy.
Growing up, I had no father or grandfather in my life. I was basically raised by my mom and grandmother, I resented not having a father figure to teach me guy stuff and how to be a man (and yes it definitaly had an impact on me growing up without a dad). My family is majority female. I was hoping for a son so that I could give him a man in his life, the one I didnt have growing up. I wanted to teach him all the things I didnt get taught and give him all things I didnt get .
but when the utlrasound tech. told me it was a girl, I took it ok up front, but deep down inside I was somewhat crushed. The scenario had changed, I wont get a boy to give all that I missed when I was a boy. And because my wife and I are 40. we decided there will be no second child.
To get to the point. I guess I am looking to other men and wives of men like me who wanted a boy and got a girl, to chime in on this thread and share their experiences with me. I know I am going to be just fine with a girl ( and she will have me wrapped around her finger), but I would love to here from others with similar situation.
I am not a man, but if you are starting a family, hopefully you will get other chances for a boy. In the meantime, hopefully you can be a good dad to a daughter (who also needs a dad by-the-way). I hope you don't try to bum out your wife or girlfriend because it is the male who determines the sex of the child. If you believe in God, then maybe it happened for a reason that you do not know about.
My oldest is a boy. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child I prayed for another boy. When the ultrasound said girl, I cried. I was completely inconsolable. The reason? I knew my husband's family. They are all a bunch of jerks who only value men. I knew this girl would have a tough life with them and she has. (fortunately I divorced 5 years later so she has had other influences).
Fast forward 19 years. She is the most wonderful young woman. I have been so very blessed to have this girl that I wanted to be a boy. She was the best athlete, she is beautiful, intelligent and fun to be around. I wouldn't trade her for the world and I am so blessed that God knew more than I did.
Don't think about what you won't have....think about what you will have. A wonderful little girl that will think you are the greatest thing ever. She will judge every man by the way you treat her and her mother. Be good to them both. Congratulations. Parenthood is wonderful.
You may get a lot of comments that say: just be thankful you can have a child, and just be thankful that your child will be healthy. And those comments are valid and true.
But I know how you feel. I always wanted a girl and a boy, but I wanted the girl first due to my relationship with my older brother. Well, I got the boy first, and I was like you...I cried and cried and cried.
People thought I was nuts. Guess what? They were right.
The second I held my son in my arms I feel deeply in love with him. He was the most beautiful baby! He is the light of my life and has brought me so much joy.
I know it will be the same for you, when you hold your baby girl in your arms and as you see her grow. She will LOVE you and when you meet her, I promise you will not care boy or girl.
Four years after I had my son, I became pregnant with a girl...and then was told I had a 1 in 3 chance of her having Down Syndrome. All I could think was, I don't care boy or girl, I just want a healthy baby. (Luckily, she did not have Down Syndrome, and she is perfectly healthy.)
Lastly, remember, it is not about YOU anymore and what YOU want. It is about your CHILD, and what you can teach her, and share with her, and you can be her hero. Father and Daughters have a very special relationship, too. I think you will find it is different being the FATHER to a daughter, and that you really can't base your opinions off of what you believe was missing in your life.
I have all boys, four of them. My husband really wanted a girl with the last boy. He was noticably disappointed with the news. As soon as he saw our baby when we had him, all changed. It's very soon after finding out. Give it some time. I have two brothers who never wanted to do things with my Dad. I did all the "guy" things. I hunted, fished, worked on trucks and tractors ect...My Dad says to this day that I'm the son (jokingly of course). The good thing about a lil girl is that she can do anything (well, most anything lol) a boy can. Boys aren't really going to want to play with Barbie's then go out to do the guy thing, but, a girl can. You can have the best of both worlds.
I can't offer anything from the perspective of a man/father, but I can assure you that girls need dads just as much as boys. Girls need their dads to teach them "guy stuff" too. I grew up without a dad. Like you it was all females in my family, and it impacted me greatly. Girls need their dads to teach them how to interact with guys, how guys should treat girls (and vice versa), how to turn on the charm with guys, etc. A lot about a girl's innate femininity is developed within the father/daughter relationship. Fathers can also teach their daughters a lot of traditional "guy" things, whether it is sports related, fixing cars, etc. The women and girls I know who have a strong bond with their dads say that it is one of the most important things in their life. I know a lot of women who say their dad is their hero. I have two daughters, and can honestly say that I never fully understood how absolutely crucial dads are until I watched the interaction between my husband and two girls. It's a completely different dynamic than they have with me. The last thing I will say is that it's not too late for you and your wife to have a second child. My neighbors had their first at 40 and are now expecting their second at age 42. It's understandable if you choose not have a second....but it's something to consider. Of course there is always the possibility of having another girl . Anyway, your feelings are understandable. Blessings to you, your wife, and your baby girl...
Something to keep in mind as you raise your kids. They're individuals. They really aren't a chance for any of us to get a mulligan on whatever parts of our childhoods that we wish we had a chance to do better.
Enjoy your little girl for the exciting, new person she is. Parenthood is a wonderful experience.
I am sure that your perspective will change...but that is one of the reasons we aren't finding out what we are having until he or she is born. One of our close friends felt the same way when his wife was pregnant and was so disappointed she was having a girl. But, now he is so smitten with his daughter that you would never know that he wished for things to be different.
Congratulations! I hope that you have the same outcome as our friend.
Lastly, remember, it is not about YOU anymore and what YOU want. It is about your CHILD, and what you can teach her, and share with her, and you can be her hero. Father and Daughters have a very special relationship, too. I think you will find it is different being the FATHER to a daughter, and that you really can't base your opinions off of what you believe was missing in your life.
Best advice on this thread.
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. Anyway, your feelings are understandable. Blessings to you, your wife, and your baby girl...
