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Old 05-18-2011, 03:02 PM
 
Location: California
30,684 posts, read 33,450,741 times
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I never liked kids and never wanted them. Then I married a guy who wanted kids and seemed like he would be a great dad and suddenly I wanted them too! Unfortunately he was NOT a great dad but, surprisingly, I turned out to be a great mom and it's the best thing I ever did in my life. It's strange how things happen sometimes. I still don't like other peoples kids though.
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Old 05-18-2011, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 2,643,596 times
Reputation: 950
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcmgsdder View Post
...I don't begrudge anybody that says "my dogs are my kids", but I cant help but to notice that many woman seem to regret this decision later in life. While I applaud their individuality, I think it is sad because many of these women are great people who would make wonderful mothers! Seems often those that shouldnt have kids do, and those who would be great parents chose not to or cant have kids!

I can speak for myself and my sister who also doesn't have kids. I have been with my husband 21 years and she has been with her husband for over 30. Neither of us have kids and neither of us regret it one iota. Some may regret it and some might not. As I said I don't and feel very happy with my decision.
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Old 06-09-2011, 05:07 AM
 
Location: Romania
89 posts, read 155,081 times
Reputation: 108
I am 29 and my son is 3 months.
I somehow regret not having a child earlier, as I wish 2 children and I somehow think that it would have been cool to be "finished" with making babies and everything by the time I was 30. Not to mention safer - I am one of those horrified by the myths about 35+ pregnancies and so on.

By 29 I:
- finished uni
- went to my fair share of parties and crazy nonsense
- went through a wide range of ****ty jobs
- finally got this good job that I have now
- matured enough both me and my bf (now husband)

...and so on. So..to answer your question, YES, I am sometimes envious looking at a 25 years old mom who already has 2 toddlers, but NO, I do not think I've made the wrong decision after all, by having children somehow later.

I did not like children too much before. Now, after having one of my own....I love my own kid to death and I'm crazy about him, but I can barely fake some polite "d'aww" regarding other's children. But maybe it's for the best; the world does not need another kid cheek torturing "smoochie smoochie smoochie!" crazy lady.
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Old 06-09-2011, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,425 posts, read 5,044,709 times
Reputation: 3327
I waited until I was 40. I LOVE having my son, he is the light of my life and I hope to raise a wonderful human being. But I cannot imagine having one before you're ready. I think it would be better to risk missing out on this than to do it too soon. Some people don't meet the right person until it's too late (one friend). And some people really don't want kids (another friend).
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Old 06-09-2011, 10:58 AM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,070,624 times
Reputation: 32396
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ina.Click View Post
I am 29 and my son is 3 months.
I somehow regret not having a child earlier, as I wish 2 children and I somehow think that it would have been cool to be "finished" with making babies and everything by the time I was 30. Not to mention safer - I am one of those horrified by the myths about 35+ pregnancies and so on.


By 29 I:
- finished uni
- went to my fair share of parties and crazy nonsense
- went through a wide range of ****ty jobs
- finally got this good job that I have now
- matured enough both me and my bf (now husband)

...and so on. So..to answer your question, YES, I am sometimes envious looking at a 25 years old mom who already has 2 toddlers, but NO, I do not think I've made the wrong decision after all, by having children somehow later.

I did not like children too much before. Now, after having one of my own....I love my own kid to death and I'm crazy about him, but I can barely fake some polite "d'aww" regarding other's children. But maybe it's for the best; the world does not need another kid cheek torturing "smoochie smoochie smoochie!" crazy lady.
you have 5 years to make another baby. That should be enough time. I don't see anything be regretful about.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:10 AM
 
14,780 posts, read 35,982,514 times
Reputation: 14356
I think it's natural for people to ponder the "what if's?" as they get older. Part of that is looking back at choices you've made and imagining what the alrernative could have been. Occasionally that can generate some regret, especially if a person isn't happy with their life as it is. I think it's rather natural to have regrets as long as you don't allow them to consume you.

I imagine a lot of people who never had children do reach a point in their life where they may regret that choice, but I don't think it's any different than someone regretting any other decision.
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Old 06-09-2011, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Catonsville, MD
2,358 posts, read 5,469,370 times
Reputation: 1685
In my teens, I was sure I wanted kids. In my 20s, I decided I didn't. By 30 I still wasn't married. At about 33 (right about the time my dad died,) I decided I did want kids. That feeling could have been spurred on by my biological clock ticking. At 35 I met somebody and fell in love. He also wanted kids. We got married. Though I wanted to try for pregnancy immediately due to my age, he wanted to wait until we'd been married a year. At a year, he came up with another excuse. The topic came up frequently. When I was about to turn 40, I told him to poop or get off the pot. Did he or did he not want kids???? Turns out, he told me that he did want kids when we were dating and engaged because he didn't want to lose me. Well, guess what? He lost me. I was SO angry. Like crazy angry. We divorced and I was sure I'd just live a childless life and I better get used to it.

A year after divorce I met somebody else. His ex-wife had also changed her mind about wanting kids and that led to his divorce. We married when I was 42 and he was 41. Try as we did (and we had fun,) pregnancy just wasn't happening. We tried three rounds of in vitro fertilization. While enduring the hormone shots and all that goes with IVF, my husband and I started the adoption process. A year after our last failed IVF, we brought home our first daughter Elena who was 8 months old. ANother 2 years later, when I was 45, we brought home our second daughter, Nina, who was 12 months old. They are now almost 7 and almost 9 and the lights and loves of my life.

I do have some regrets having kids so late in life, but not so much that I regret it. And then I think, "If I had kids earlier, I wouldn't have my sweet Elena and Nina."

I do have several friends around my age (early 50s) who have no kids. They have absolutely NO regrets. They come and stay with me and love on my kids and play with them, and then are happy to go back home. They both have pets and lots of friends and lots of nieces and nephews. They all seem very happy.
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Old 06-09-2011, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Arizona
563 posts, read 1,320,398 times
Reputation: 623
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
I never liked kids and never wanted them. Then I married a guy who wanted kids and seemed like he would be a great dad and suddenly I wanted them too! Unfortunately he was NOT a great dad but, surprisingly, I turned out to be a great mom and it's the best thing I ever did in my life. It's strange how things happen sometimes. I still don't like other peoples kids though.

That's funny. I've never really liked kids much, and never wanted them or could imagine myself as a mom. Now I have a 2 year old and I love her so much and I'm so happy I have her. I consider having another one. I also still don't like other peoples kids!
My husband was a single father since his child was two who is now almost 20. I'm lucky that he's a great dad, although it's mostly all me as far as our daughter is concerned, which is probably ideal for me anyways. You know, decisions and things.
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Old 06-09-2011, 02:48 PM
 
Location: anywhere & everywhere
285 posts, read 761,574 times
Reputation: 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
you have 5 years to make another baby. That should be enough time. I don't see anything be regretful about.
How can you say she has 5 more years? There is no set time at which it is wrong or inappropriate to have a baby. That depends on the woman. Pregnancy is considered to be high-risk pregnancy at age 35, but age is not the only factor.

Some women, at 29, have already experienced fertility issues. Other women, at 40, feel like it was the perfect time and don't have many problems conceiving.

I can understand wanting to have all your kids by a certain time. I don't understand waiting until 35+ to start but then I don't have to understand because that's not my situation. Every woman and family is different.
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Old 06-09-2011, 03:03 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,070,624 times
Reputation: 32396
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ina.Click View Post
I am 29 and my son is 3 months.
I somehow regret not having a child earlier, as I wish 2 children and I somehow think that it would have been cool to be "finished" with making babies and everything by the time I was 30. Not to mention safer - I am one of those horrified by the myths about 35+ pregnancies and so on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucyslp View Post
How can you say she has 5 more years? There is no set time at which it is wrong or inappropriate to have a baby. That depends on the woman. Pregnancy is considered to be high-risk pregnancy at age 35, but age is not the only factor.

Some women, at 29, have already experienced fertility issues. Other women, at 40, feel like it was the perfect time and don't have many problems conceiving.

I can understand wanting to have all your kids by a certain time. I don't understand waiting until 35+ to start but then I don't have to understand because that's not my situation. Every woman and family is different.
Um, because she said the above... She picked the age of 35. I didn't.

And BTW Ina.click, they aren't "myths". there is a higher risk of complications after the age of 36.
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