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Old 07-12-2011, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
3 posts, read 7,112 times
Reputation: 13

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1. Anecdotally, several childless women in their 80s have confided to me that their greatest regret in life was not having had children.

No women similarly aged (60s, 70s or 80s) ever confided to me that they were grateful that they had no children.

2. To those without children, it must be asked who will perform the task of caring for them when they become injured or sick, or too enfeebled to care for themselves?

In 1950, the average life expectancy was over 68 years. Today, it is about ten years more than that.

Who are they expecting will bury them?

3. Do those who intentionally choose not to have children have greater or lesser insight into the meaning of life than those who do have children?
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:11 PM
 
Location: West Jordan, UT
973 posts, read 1,876,929 times
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Not sure if they regret it or not. I'm selfish, & did want kids, kept 'putting it off' (hubby was ready 'now' lol) . We 'finally' at 28, then, had another 12 1/2 mos later. It was hard, still is many days, but, I honestly love, adore, & couldn't imagine life w/o my kids. But, that is ME. My sister didn't want kids, but, changed her mind after I had my son (she wants a boy like him lol) . Her hubby didn't want kids, & still doesn't. She has regrets. I know 2 people who didn't want kids & got preggo on birth control (we did w/ our 2nd lol) . One set are great parents. The other set, not as much, IMO.

To each their own. My MIL has 2 friends, one w/ a son w/ no kids, the other, no kids. The one w/ the son w/ no grandkids seems sad. The one w/ no kids or grandkids is fine w/ it. She does like kids & treats my kids great. =)
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:33 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 7,200,987 times
Reputation: 2847
Quote:
Originally Posted by U. Whinge View Post
1. Anecdotally, several childless women in their 80s have confided to me that their greatest regret in life was not having had children.

No women similarly aged (60s, 70s or 80s) ever confided to me that they were grateful that they had no children.

2. To those without children, it must be asked who will perform the task of caring for them when they become injured or sick, or too enfeebled to care for themselves?

In 1950, the average life expectancy was over 68 years. Today, it is about ten years more than that.

Who are they expecting will bury them?

3. Do those who intentionally choose not to have children have greater or lesser insight into the meaning of life than those who do have children?
#2: Im going to be the troublemaking old lady in the nursing home that makes bets and holds wheelchair races down the hallway.

Towards my very end I hope dementia sets in and I can live in my own little world where it doesnt matter whats going on around me, that I do as my grandmother and grandfather did and slip back into my life as it was before.This is why I believe in building as many memories as you can possibly make. Also, having children doesnt mean they'll care for you in your old age. Go to any nursing home and talk to the residents and you'll see what Im talking about.

#2.5..If Im dead, I dont care who burys me. The state can do it. I am the last of my line. Before I go in any home I already have a plan to liquidate most of my assets to pay the home, and what is left over will be left to the SPCA. I see no reason to pop out a kid and do all that effort just to have someone that will stick me in the ground when I die. What a morbid reason to have a child.

#3 I am a firm believer that it is up to each person to determine what the meaning of THEIR lives is. There is no one real answer to what the meaning of life is all about, because no life is the same. No energy is the same, no soul is the same. Life is a journey you ultimately take on your own, and must find meaning as you go.
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Old 07-13-2011, 01:40 AM
 
Location: Romania
89 posts, read 156,454 times
Reputation: 108
The people who really truly do not want or need children will never regret it.
The people who do, will regret.

I am a mother and love it but I do not support this prejudice against people who do not want to be parents. Somehow, everyone judges them thinking they are selfish, nuts, irresponsible, immature etc.

I don't believe that. Those flaws of character can exist or not and has nothing to do with someone's desire to have children or not.

I guess it's because traditionally children MUST be adored and if you do not, then you are such a bad person.
Well in that case, I am too. I adore only my child, I like a lot only a few, I find cute many of them and I am still annoyed or exhausted by many others!

And also, not wanting to have children does not mean you dislike them. Perhaps some people simply figured out the complexity of parenthood and decided it's not their cup of tea.
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Old 07-13-2011, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,418,545 times
Reputation: 1979
I don't know anyone (friend-wise) without children, honestly, except for a couple in their 20's who haven't found Mr. Right. However, I know people who had kids and regret it - my mother being one of those people. Yes, she has told me before.

I don't have kids, not by my choice. My only regret is not knowing sooner that I couldn't have them. I am about to turn 35 and just found out last fall.
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Old 07-13-2011, 02:18 PM
 
6,039 posts, read 13,255,191 times
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This might make my husband and I horrible people, but we've actually distanced ourselves from a few people over the years because we felt they were only hanging out with us because we had kids and they didn't. They were older women who had chosen not to have kids. One of them was a business lady (she owned her own coffee shop, which is how I befriended her) and two others had spent their whole lives focused on their career. They were all smart, successful, fun ladies. None had been married or had kids. They claimed they never wanted any, each of them, and they gave all kinds of reasons why. But every time they would come over they would bring toys for our kids, one lady even brought herbal tea made just for kids and blankets and multivitamins? ?? I mean... it was kind of weird with all three of these different ladies. One lady would bring clothes and blankets she bought. It was like they were trying to live vicariously through our family even though they each claimed they had chosen to be childless. It just bothered us, when it seemed to us to become excessive, so each time this has happened we decided to put a lot of space between us and the lady.

Even though they claimed to be happy and childless, their behavior told us a different story. Especially when one of the ladies would call up and invite just our kids out to do something, when it was originally a friendship that I thought was between me and the lady. I dunno. It was just weird.

And also - I kind of felt like if they wanted to lavish attention and gifts on a family so they could pacify their mother hen instincts, all that energy would be better spent on a family who really needs it.
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Old 07-13-2011, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 2,662,263 times
Reputation: 951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
#2: Im going to be the troublemaking old lady in the nursing home that makes bets and holds wheelchair races down the hallway.

Towards my very end I hope dementia sets in and I can live in my own little world where it doesnt matter whats going on around me, that I do as my grandmother and grandfather did and slip back into my life as it was before.This is why I believe in building as many memories as you can possibly make. Also, having children doesnt mean they'll care for you in your old age. Go to any nursing home and talk to the residents and you'll see what Im talking about.

#2.5..If Im dead, I dont care who burys me. The state can do it. I am the last of my line. Before I go in any home I already have a plan to liquidate most of my assets to pay the home, and what is left over will be left to the SPCA. I see no reason to pop out a kid and do all that effort just to have someone that will stick me in the ground when I die. What a morbid reason to have a child.

#3 I am a firm believer that it is up to each person to determine what the meaning of THEIR lives is. There is no one real answer to what the meaning of life is all about, because no life is the same. No energy is the same, no soul is the same. Life is a journey you ultimately take on your own, and must find meaning as you go.
Great answer!
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Old 07-13-2011, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,960 posts, read 23,440,937 times
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I imagine it's like anything else in life. We all have regrets. What those regrets are will vary be the individual. I'd imagine some people (both men and women) will regret not having children. And some will regret other things but not that. The saddest thing would be those who regret the ones they DID have. That's just a tragedy.
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Old 07-13-2011, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,223 posts, read 1,612,604 times
Reputation: 884
I'm sure many women regret not having children, I'm just as sure many others don't. I would think it is more a personal issue than a gender issue.

As many people have already noted, adoption is always an alternative.
My 13 year old has told me she's going to adopt instead of have her own children because there are so many teenagers that have trouble being placed in families. On the one hand I'm very proud of her idealism and on the other, I worry about the problems intrinsic with adopting older children.

Either way, she has a long time to figure it out and who knows, she very likely will be a better and stronger adult than I have become.
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Old 07-14-2011, 10:17 AM
 
6,039 posts, read 13,255,191 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I imagine it's like anything else in life. We all have regrets. What those regrets are will vary be the individual. I'd imagine some people (both men and women) will regret not having children. And some will regret other things but not that. The saddest thing would be those who regret the ones they DID have. That's just a tragedy.
This is so true. Lately I've been feeling regretful that we did not have our kids closer together in age. It's funny because it never bothered me before, but lately it has for some reason. They are 4.5 years apart.
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