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I agree giving the kid a heads up the rules have changed is the best way to go. kids will push the limits till they get roped in again. we all need a reminder from time to time.
any parent that encourages their child to the dedication/discipline that sports take, should not punish their child by taking away something that is needed to excel at his sport. (rides to practice, classes) just because a child might love what they are doing doesn't mean it isn't work both mental and physical. sports is teaching them a work ethic, that mowing a lawn or taking out the garbage won't ever come close to teaching. stop doing the laundry or cooking for them, take away the special social event or the 40 bucks you give them every so often but not the tools they need to learn excel
I was just mad. I seriously wouldn't not take him to practice. That would be cutting off my hand to spite my foot - or some such.
Swimming keeps him busy; involves him in his school; gives him a good group of kids to hang with; and definitely has taught him discipline.
I was doing much WORSE things when I was in high school.
I don't want him to quit swimming. That part of his life will be over soon enough.
....sports is teaching them a work ethic, that mowing a lawn or taking out the garbage won't ever come close to teaching. stop doing the laundry or cooking for them, take away the special social event or the 40 bucks you give them every so often but not the tools they need to learn excel
The reverse is also true. Being a family requires contributions of each family member...and not simply the contributions one is interested in doing (Lord knows if I only did the tasks in life that I enjoed or that I felt would give me a return of some kind, I'd hate to see my bathrooms). I'd argue that understanding that is an equally important tool to have for success.
sports is teaching them a work ethic, that mowing a lawn or taking out the garbage won't ever come close to teaching. stop doing the laundry or cooking for them, take away the special social event or the 40 bucks you give them every so often but not the tools they need to learn excel
My kids were very sports-oriented in school. Very.
They're work ethic came from the things they didn't want to do. Getting up at 5am to go to practice and be with their buddies was easy. Getting up at 5am to clean up dog poop in the backyard before the sun was up was what taught them there are no free rides in life. Everyone has to do the ugly stuff too. (At least they did in our house.)
I did not participate in many extra curricular activities in school. However, I worked full time while in High School.
I was still expected to do chores around the house. I had to mow, had two nights a week of dishes, and had to help out with other things.
I somehow survived.
I actually liked mowing (and still do, even though I can't tell you the last time I did it). Was always relaxing, just put the headphones on and went to work.
And here is my dilemma. Because I KNOW he's tired and I KNOW he's in a very demanding and time consuming sport. Otherwise, I wouldn't be agonizing over this - he'd be doing it and that's that.
I do think, though, there comes a time in one's life when you need to contribute to the family AND learn some life skills - outside of the pool. It's not good, either, to be 25 and not know how to wash clothes or do yardwork, or, or . . well, you get the picture.
And his chosen sport is very EXPENSIVE and TIME CONSUMING for the parent too! I skip lunch almost every day at work so I can use that hour to chauffer back or forth. I work hard every day - then come home and wash clothes, make dinner, walk the dogs, clean up the kitchen. It's hard on everyone. I spend my week-ends (and my money) traveling to/from away meets ~another time when things aren't getting done around the house. I do without so we can spend that money traveling or we can buy that expensive suit for the big meets.
So I do think he should make the time to do this ONE chore that I'm asking. Wednesday evenings would be great; Saturday evening would be fine; Sunday evening also fine.
I appreciate everyone's insight. I'm sure we'll find a way to work it out.
School is almost out and he'll be at practice in the early mornings and be free the rest of the day and then there will be no questions and plenty of time.
From your description, he sounds like a really good kid, so count yourself lucky! If I were in your position I would probably drop the lawn issue and hire someone to cut it weekly; it's really not that expensive. I just don't think I would cause a huge rift over it; it's just not worth possibly damaging your relationship over grass.
I would, HOWEVER, insist he do his own laundry and walk the dog, because you are right! You work full time and you shouldn't have to do everything housework related. That's crazy! And he DOES need to help and start taking some responsibilities.
I'm sure your son will balk about doing his own laundry; mine sure did. But when, eventually, all he is left with is dirty clothes and he realizes you have no intentions of washing them, he WILL do it!
The dog; I would just insist the dog sleep in his room. If he doesn't take the dog out for a walk he will most likely wake up to a nasty surprise, which should solve that problem.
This is a good point. When does your son ever have time to do normal teenager stuff?
It sounds like he's a really great kid. If he was spending his afternoons smoking weed or impregnating girls, I'd understand wanting to lay down the law and keep him busy...but with so much on his plate already, if you're able to pay someone to do the yard, why not just do that? I'm sure you're planning for your son to go to college and get a great job...if he learns that busy people pay someone to do their yard, rather than learning how to mow the yard himself, that's not really that bad. Besides, once you mow the yard one time, you pretty much know how to do it.
I don't think that's the point. The bigger picture is that he's part of the family, and as such he should be expected to contribute in some way to the overall running of the household. Excusing him from even such minimal expectations sends the wrong message. Yes, it sounds like he's a good kid, but teaching him now that people have to balance responsibilities will help him to grow into an equally great adult. It's not about learning how to mow the lawn, but rather about learning how to live as a member of a family or a community, and how to balance responsibilities. Those responsibilities include his swimming and his school, but they also include responsibilities to his family members. His mother isn't asking very much; he should easily be able to fit it into his schedule somewhere. This is coming from someone who had a very intense athletic schedule in high school, as well as a job and a demanding academic load. Besides, it's a chance to get outside! Could be a nice form of relaxation.
I don't think that's the point. The bigger picture is that he's part of the family, and as such he should be expected to contribute in some way to the overall running of the household. Excusing him from even such minimal expectations sends the wrong message. Yes, it sounds like he's a good kid, but teaching him now that people have to balance responsibilities will help him to grow into an equally great adult. It's not about learning how to mow the lawn, but rather about learning how to live as a member of a family or a community, and how to balance responsibilities. Those responsibilities include his swimming and his school, but they also include responsibilities to his family members. His mother isn't asking very much; he should easily be able to fit it into his schedule somewhere. This is coming from someone who had a very intense athletic schedule in high school, as well as a job and a demanding academic load. Besides, it's a chance to get outside! Could be a nice form of relaxation.
I have to say I'm a little surprised at the responses that indicate the OP should just be grateful her son is not into drugs or other trouble and shouldn't "rock the boat" by expecting anything from him other than doing the things that are important or interesting to him. Even if we are wonderful, lovely, hardworking people, the world does not revolve around us and we still have responsiblity to other people. Part of parenting is teaching that.
I always said, just wait until your a father, you will use that same line.....
they would just laugh, and roll their eyes......yeah, i know, your probably right.......
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