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Old 05-07-2011, 11:32 PM
 
4,044 posts, read 6,079,167 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
That's definitely my childhood. I remember going out of town to funerals and walking around the strange neighborhoods with my siblings to find other kids to play with. I didn't even feel like we were being sent away. I don't think we were sent away. We were simply bored with the adultness of the atmopshere and left. LOL As a kid, the last thing I wanted to do was sit inside with my parents while they were comiserating with others over the death of someone.
There you go!

 
Old 05-07-2011, 11:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I think it's important for children to attend adult type events so they can learn how to be adults one day themselves!
Oh, absolutely!

I certainly didn't refer to such situations when I said that children were kept out of the "adult world". I referred to the fact that children were not allowed to be center of attention or even active participants when adults had their regular conversations or visits etc. They were expected to "know their place".
Today this would be blasphemy.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 11:39 PM
 
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Syracusa -- I think much of that must depend on where you live. We haven't had those experiences. I am probably a bit biased as I tend to put a physical environment spin on most things, but I would assume that location makes a HUGE difference as far as the segregation factor goes. I've certainly lived in some neighborhoods that are family-friendly, but they've all been very diverse in terms of age, family structures, economic level, type of building (single family homes, duplexes, larger apartment buildings), etc. Neighbors included people from all walks of life. I'm guessing that those who willingly move into more distinctly segregated locations tend to be the people who are more likely to prefer to be around people who fit into the same demographic profile. Then again, a lot of Americans do seem to willingly live in highly delineated communities (and often expect to move when they reach a different life stage), so maybe it's my experiences that have been outside of the norm. I'd like to think not, though. I don't think all this voluntary segregation into communities where everyone is like everyone else is healthy, not to mention it would, I think, be boring.

In any case, I don't talk exclusively about my child, but I do expect that if I do mention something to a friend or relative that they will at least pretend to find it of interest, not because they like or don't like children, but because they like me and know that my son is important to me. Kids are part of life for many people. Not the ONLY part of life, of course, but like anything else -- if kids don't interest the OP he can nod politely if the topic turns that direction, be nice, then guide the conversation in a different direction.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 11:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bentstrider View Post
So lately, it appears as though I've been getting flack for disliking children in general.
I'm not able to narrow it down to just one reason, but it may have something to do with how "see-saw" my childhood was.

Or could it be the fact that I'm just mopey due to children being something "I could never have"?
In that sense it's more of a relationship thread topic, but while there's clearly nothing wrong with my vital parts, my luck with women has just been either weak or non-existent.

I'm young right now, but I'm somewhat fearful of becoming that angry old guy that sits on his porch with a < insert weapon here > telling kids to stay off the lawn!!!

With that aside, is there some way to make myself somewhat more respectable of them being around?
Babysit? work in a daycare centre? write a childrens book? get off my bum, do like my stepdad and become a teacher?

Mind you this is more for everyone elses benefit than my own.
I'm beginning to realize that being the A-hole tends to close a lot of doors for you.

Who says you have to like kids???? Not everyone has to like or have children. There are plenty of people with no children who are very happy.

What makes you feel you "have to like children"?? If you don't like them and don't like being around them, then don't! Simple.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 11:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
Oh, absolutely!

I certainly didn't refer to such situations when I said that children were kept out of the "adult world". I referred to the fact that children were not allowed to be center of attention or even active participants when adults had their regular conversations or visits etc. They were expected to "know their place".
Today this would be blasphemy.
Oh yeah! I remember in "the old days" when there were gatherings, the kids would be relegated to the "play room" or the yard and were NOT to interfere with the adults unless it was an emergency.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 11:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
In any case, I don't talk exclusively about my child, but I do expect that if I do mention something to a friend or relative that they will at least pretend to find it of interest, not because they like or don't like children, but because they like me and know that my son is important to me. Kids are part of life for many people.
This would be all within the range of not only PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE but also PERFECTLY HEALTHY behavior. Trust me, I would get upset if a friend or relative showed annoyance at the mere mention of my child.
That would, in fact, be quite insulting.

But from "mentioning" and having a brief conversation about your children to ONLY talking about child-related things or allowing the child to be part of the scene and constantly interrupt the conversation or require your attention in one way or another...when those adults would just like to have some peaceful moments with YOU - that is a very, veeery long road.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 11:56 PM
 
4,044 posts, read 6,079,167 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd View Post
Oh yeah! I remember in "the old days" when there were gatherings, the kids would be relegated to the "play room" or the yard and were NOT to interfere with the adults unless it was an emergency.
Yeap. That is exactly what I was talking about.

I firmly believe that the child's "self-esteem" will not suffer one bit if he is "relegated" to his play room and expected not to disturb the adult visit.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 12:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
....allowing the child to be part of the scene and constantly interrupt the conversation or require your attention in one way or another...when those adults would just like to have some peaceful moments with YOU - that is a very, veeery long road.
My sister is missing out on her life because of this. She knows it. She's not happy with her life whatsoever. But she has no idea how to take control of it. Sadly, this will be almost her entire life too. She's in her early 40s and her youngest child is just two years old.

She goes through stages of tollerating her life and functions best in denial. Sometimes she breaks down and admits how miserable she is, never having a moment for herself, hating her life, resenting her husband. She even contemplated having an affair once but didn't follow through---thank goodness.

She has completely lost her own identity. She hates it. When she tries to rectify that, she doesn't know where to begin because she doesn't know who she is or what her interests are. She got some free time once and drove around aimlessly, not knowing what to do with herself. It's really sad.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 04:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
It really has nothing to do with kids of today compared to kids of yesterday.

I didn't like children when I was a young adult. I couldn't stand them. It has nothing to do with not remembering what it's like to be a kid. Most teenagers are annoyed by younger children. They can be very annoying---even decades ago. I surely wasn't interested in seeking out time with children when I was a young adult. But I know children who were in my life had no clue I didn't like chldren.

In my first marriage (19-22 years old), I had a neice via my sister and a nephew via my sister in law.

My neice was okay but I wasn't all gushy over her. We'd see her ever Sunday at my parent's house for Sunday dinner. I wasn't seeking her out but I was polite to her. I'm not the type of person who gets all gushy with children. I talk to them like adults. We might not have a huggy, kissy relationship when she was little. I'm not the fun aunt either. But I ended up being her favorite aunt now that she's an adult.

My nephew was more of a challenge. When we would go to their house for dinner, he'd beat my legs with a plastic bat. I remember saying to my husband on the way there in the car, "Oh, joy, joy. It's so fun to be beat with toys." His father abused their dog and him. When they were at our house one night for dinner, his father took him into our bathroom and beat him for something that didn't make sense. I called CYS on him the following week. Anyways, I ran into my exhusband years later. Turns out my nephew never stopped talking about me throughout the years. He remembers that I would read him stories and would tell everyone what a great aunt I was. Even though I wasn't huggy and kissy or fun, fun, I guess I was one of the few people who were nice him and treated him with respect.

My point in sharing this is to provide examples of how it's possible to not like children but to be nice to them when forced to spend time with them. I was very touched and surprised that my neice and nephew grew to view me as their favorite aunt. I guess consistency means more to children than anything else.

Just learn how to be tollerant and treat them fairly.
Well I like more kids now than I liked when I was a kid. I think when I was a kid I was too judgemental but now I laugh at more things and am more tolerant and open minded when it comes to kids.

My siblings and I were on the introverted side, we didn't like extroverted kids, we hated show-offs, we decided a lot of kids were brats, too spoiled. Or they couldn't take teasing, were too wimpy, too prissy, too wild acting and so on.

Now I think if I could go back to being a kid, I would like other kids more because after seeing them from a different generation, I think more things would have seemed funny that we took too seriously back then.

I also remember when I was a kid that there were adults who were just old people, just adults. You could tell they didn't really like kids. But there were adults who were still like kids and were fun, interesting, you could relate to them. That I think didn't change. Some people lose their child self, become adults and don't relate with kids at all, don't know how to talk with them, but other kids don't grow up as much and keep the kid in them.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 05:10 AM
 
Location: Tampa bay
1,014 posts, read 1,274,825 times
Reputation: 1369
I personally cannot understand not liking children. They are innocent, truthful and loving.

Ya they can be frustrating but omg You cannot find these traits in adults
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