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Old 05-08-2011, 06:43 AM
 
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To those who don't like children, I offer this advice, look deeply into the mirror.

 
Old 05-08-2011, 07:01 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 35,538,806 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
...

In any case, I don't talk exclusively about my child, but I do expect that if I do mention something to a friend or relative that they will at least pretend to find it of interest, not because they like or don't like children, but because they like me and know that my son is important to me. Kids are part of life for many people. Not the ONLY part of life, of course, but like anything else -- if kids don't interest the OP he can nod politely if the topic turns that direction, be nice, then guide the conversation in a different direction.
This is more about enjoying parents with children, rather than enjoying children. Some parents don't know when to stop. It's like - okay. I get it. You're proud of your 13-month-old. He's adorable. I agree! Can we talk about some topic that doesn't involve your milk glands, your uterus, your stretch marks, the color of Johnny's poops, the day-care lady, and the price of pampers now? Please?
 
Old 05-08-2011, 07:59 AM
 
10,630 posts, read 23,111,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
This is more about enjoying parents with children, rather than enjoying children. Some parents don't know when to stop. It's like - okay. I get it. You're proud of your 13-month-old. He's adorable. I agree! Can we talk about some topic that doesn't involve your milk glands, your uterus, your stretch marks, the color of Johnny's poops, the day-care lady, and the price of pampers now? Please?
Yeah, but that's not a "parent" problem. It's a boring person problem. Most parents aren't like that. None of my friends or relatives fit into that category. Sometimes people who have newborns are like that temporarily (same thing with some pregnant women), but I cut them slack because when you're a new parent life really DOES revolve almost exclusively around the baby, it's all new, and there's some adjustment. They snap out of it pretty fast. After all, would you want to talk about one thing all the time? I wouldn't. Sure, there are people out there like that, but before they had kids they were probably equally boring, but instead of children they probably talked only about their job, or their golf game, or real estate prices, or whatever their fascination was at the time. Normal conversation usually covers a wide range of topics. I have a hard time imagining that the OP is only around those who have such a limited range, but if that is the case then he can either work at becoming the conversational leader himself, as well as work on finding some new friends who aren't quite so baby-focused. If the friends are all new parents then if he waits a few months they should all be thirsting for some conversation that includes more than just baby stuff.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 10:10 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,055 posts, read 15,947,860 times
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I've always liked kids - even when I was young. I do find that as I get older *sigh*; I have less tolerance for that whiny kid at the restaurant, blah blah blah.

Yes, I think it's entirely possible to have a fulfilled life without kids - if you truly don't like them.

I volunteered with my son's church a lot when he was young; helped with the Christmas Pagent - and promptly thanked God that I work with adults. Working with bunch of 5 year olds - not my thing. Spending time with 1 or 2 - doable.

And I DO think we tend to gravitate toward those that have kids the same age as our kids. Why? Because we run into them everwhere ~ at school, at practice, at Church; at PTA; at Scouts. . it just kind of naturally works out that way. You form a group and almost raise your kids together. It's kind of nice, actually, like a huge extended family (NOT living together) that do things together, raise our kids together; look out for each other's kids . . truly, I don't understand what is BAD about this; those 'other countries' must be jealous.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 02:15 PM
 
10,630 posts, read 23,111,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
...
And I DO think we tend to gravitate toward those that have kids the same age as our kids. Why? Because we run into them everwhere ~ at school, at practice, at Church; at PTA; at Scouts. . it just kind of naturally works out that way. You form a group and almost raise your kids together. It's kind of nice, actually, like a huge extended family (NOT living together) that do things together, raise our kids together; look out for each other's kids . . truly, I don't understand what is BAD about this; those 'other countries' must be jealous.
I think what would be bad, or undesirable, would be if people ONLY wanted to be around those who had kids the same age, and suddenly had no interest in spending time with family and friends who didn't fit into that group. I don't think most people live like that, though, and most people do have at least some friends and relatives who are at a different stage in life or who either don't have children or else have kids who are older or younger, even if many of their friends do have kids in the same general age range. Some of that is just biology and statistics, too; women mostly only have kids in a relatively short window of time (and most women still do have kids), so odds are that many of their friends in the same age bracket will also be having children somewhere in there, too. Once I hit my 30s there was a mini baby boom among my friends, for example. Not all of them have or want kids, and some had kids earlier, but the majority of us now either do have kids or will have at least one child by the time they hit 35. We talk a lot about kid stuff, but since we all have other interests, too, we also have plenty of fodder for other conversations, too.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 02:22 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,841 posts, read 29,865,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bentstrider View Post
So lately, it appears as though I've been getting flack for disliking children in general.
I'm not able to narrow it down to just one reason, but it may have something to do with how "see-saw" my childhood was.

Or could it be the fact that I'm just mopey due to children being something "I could never have"?
In that sense it's more of a relationship thread topic, but while there's clearly nothing wrong with my vital parts, my luck with women has just been either weak or non-existent.

I'm young right now, but I'm somewhat fearful of becoming that angry old guy that sits on his porch with a < insert weapon here > telling kids to stay off the lawn!!!

With that aside, is there some way to make myself somewhat more respectable of them being around?
Babysit? work in a daycare centre? write a childrens book? get off my bum, do like my stepdad and become a teacher?

Mind you this is more for everyone elses benefit than my own.
I'm beginning to realize that being the A-hole tends to close a lot of doors for you.
There is nothing wrong or unusual about disliking children. In fact, I would venture to say that most parents would UNDERSTAND these feelings as well or better than anyone.

Likewise, there is nothing wrong with being the old guy that sits on the porch and tells, noisy, destructive, bothersome children to stay off the lawn. Why do you feel that your natural inclinations are somehow wrong?

Children are very difficult to like. *Most* (not all) of them, when they are small, are loud, obnoxious, rude and WILL NOT SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. When they get older, they are just obnoxious and rude.

There is no law that says you MUST like them or even make efforts to pretend that you do. Go about your life and be yourself.

20yrsinBranson
 
Old 05-08-2011, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,236 posts, read 13,767,045 times
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I don't think there is anything wrong at all in disliking children. Many of us dislike certain types of personalities in adults, and children tend to share some common traits and annoyances as well. I hope you do not start to harbor guilt over this.

In fact, despite having raised a child, I'm really not a "kid person", either. And I'm quite vocal about certain things. I tell people up front that I do not attend kid birthday parties, so do not try to entice me to them. After about 5 minutes with a child, I am done.

But if you're needlessly grumpy and hostile around them then that's where the problem lies. If you feel unnecessary anger towards them, or feel a need to upset them then your concern is warranted and maybe even in need of some help.
 
Old 05-08-2011, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Clovis Strong, NM
3,378 posts, read 4,695,913 times
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I will say that once my younger siblings became teenagers, as well as the brats down the street did, I warmed up to them and actually started being an older brother to all.
Since they're a little perceptive to reasoning at that age, my slow-delivery will essentially get into their heads and I know I'll have done something right.

As far as the little kids go, maybe a small set of them wouldn't be so bad.
My stepdad went from teaching high school to elementary level and the transition was a little ackward, but he manages to keep the stress in check for the most part.
I will say that the only "little kid" I truly tolerated was my baby sister.
I sort of miss her not being 5-10 yrs old anymore.
She's graduating high school already.
 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:04 AM
 
13,143 posts, read 25,045,507 times
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Childfree by choice here.
I can't stand babies or young children. I avoid children whenever possible (and it's quite doable). I don't like the sound of their voices, their needs, their narcissism, their conversation.
HOWEVER. If I must be around children, I expect to treat them with respect (although have no idea how to treat a pre-verbal kid or baby with respect). I listen to them if I must. I buy an extra lemonade from the stand. I honestly really listen to them and am aware of their not being given proper attention in the situation (I'm thinking of my job at a hospice where adults would just ignore the kids they'd brought into the difficult environment).
I once tutored a Cambodian woman who had two kids. I paid a great deal of attention to them, working with English learning, etc. I did a whole Christmas thing for them, and hope that was one good memory they have.
But given a choice, I would never be with children. I like adult conversation. I like silence, or order, or artwork. Everything that ever got me through as a child (being short, broke and powerless as I was) are the same things I like as an adult- ideas, pets, books, conversation.
I could treat children with courtesy, but I don't think I could ever love one.
Also not sure why the OP feels he must learn to like children (unless he's bringing some into his life with remarriage or something, in which case he'd better find a way to treat them with courtesy).
Pay your real estate taxes, let your neighbors vote for School Committee since they have an interest in it, and do stop a child from falling off a cliff or running into a road.
 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:59 PM
 
28,201 posts, read 20,268,551 times
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I'm not a kid person either. And I'm a mother. I found the best way to relate to children were to treat them like people and not "Children". Sounds funny, doesn't it? When I thought I had to dumb down to relate to kids, I really couldn't stand the thought of spending time with kids. When I finally figured out I could just relate to kids and not dumb it down, it improved things immensely.
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