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Old 05-07-2011, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Clovis Strong, NM
3,378 posts, read 4,695,913 times
Reputation: 1972

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So lately, it appears as though I've been getting flack for disliking children in general.
I'm not able to narrow it down to just one reason, but it may have something to do with how "see-saw" my childhood was.

Or could it be the fact that I'm just mopey due to children being something "I could never have"?
In that sense it's more of a relationship thread topic, but while there's clearly nothing wrong with my vital parts, my luck with women has just been either weak or non-existent.

I'm young right now, but I'm somewhat fearful of becoming that angry old guy that sits on his porch with a < insert weapon here > telling kids to stay off the lawn!!!

With that aside, is there some way to make myself somewhat more respectable of them being around?
Babysit? work in a daycare centre? write a childrens book? get off my bum, do like my stepdad and become a teacher?

Mind you this is more for everyone elses benefit than my own.
I'm beginning to realize that being the A-hole tends to close a lot of doors for you.

 
Old 05-07-2011, 07:10 PM
 
7,508 posts, read 3,660,442 times
Reputation: 3890
I can tell you something. I dislike children too, BUT by the grace of God I am learning. Generally, I don't like children, maybe it's more of my niece and my nephew that I don't like them, but I am not good with children. It is not my gift to be with children, but I think that I can definitely grow and learn how to love them.

It wasn't until last summer that I decided to work on my attitude towards them. I decided to work on it because I realize that Jesus loves children. He loves them so much that I had to ask myself the same question, would Jesus like my attitude and how I treat them? The answer is probably no. I decided to do something about that attitude, so I volunteer at this Day Camp for a week. It was not easy because it really tested my patience and my mindset about them. It's interesting because when I volunteer to teach these children, I also witnessed a mom ignoring her child as she was talking on the phone. She was about 5 feet ahead and the boy hung his head low and follow behind. That really put my mind into perspective. I'm thinking to myself, that's wrong but I look at at myself and I have to say I'm even worse!

I've learned over the summer and still am learning that my gift is not in the children area, and I do not have to force myself to be someone I'm not. However, I can learn to change my attitudes and mindset about children. I challenged myself to not just "sit and pray" so my attitudes and mindset towards children will change. I have to WORK to make a difference. It was hard and long, but it was worth it because my attitude towards them is slowly changing.

IMO, I would say take an opportunity to volunteer BUT you have to know your limit. Don't put yourself in a situation of 25 kids. You'll go crazy. I taught 12 kids (with 4 other teachers), and I'm just about to die. Know your limit. Know your buttons. I actually wrote a blog about my Day Camp too, so if you want to read I am willing to share. You just never know what will happen.

Last edited by ho hey!; 05-07-2011 at 07:26 PM..
 
Old 05-07-2011, 07:12 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 59,768,256 times
Reputation: 22203
I'm not sure how anyone could actually dislike children when we were all children at one time.

Did you just forget how it was to be a child?

Maybe try watching them play sometime - carefully though so no one suspects you are a pedophile. And remember being a kid.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Charlotte county, Florida
4,190 posts, read 5,144,065 times
Reputation: 12182
You really want to hate kids... Babysit for a couple of two year olds....
 
Old 05-07-2011, 07:46 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,882 posts, read 13,804,295 times
Reputation: 21334
Maybe it would help if you try to keep in mind that it's not usually the child's fault if they are obnoxious, it's the parents that don't teach them any better that you should focus your negative feelings on.
If you are just generally disinterested in children I don't see anything wrong with that at all, a lot of people aren't interested in kids.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 08:13 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,278,829 times
Reputation: 938
Not everyone likes kids, so that is not a problem. I was never an avid "kid person" either. I didn't actively dislike them, but every time I tried babysitting I hated it....definitely not for me.

I would recommend spending some time with a child you know in your family or through friends. If you have friends with a child, suggest all going to the zoo together. I would not recommend babysitting. No parent wants someone who dislikes kids to babysit for them. You could also do some volunteering as Anberlin suggested.

Malamute also offered a good suggestion in reflecting back on your own experience as a child. Those of us who were frowned upon for normal childhood behavior may have some difficulty embracing it in other children once we become adults.

I'm not sure about writing a children's book, but a really good book is "How to Eat Like a Child (And Other Lessons On Not Being a Grownup)" by Delia Ephron. That book is very helpful in regaining and appreciating the perspective of a child.

Children are truly wonderful, but not all adults are geared to "like" children, and that is perfectly fine. It is admirable that you are introspecting and thinking of ways to change your outlook. Good luck!
 
Old 05-07-2011, 08:19 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 90,709,442 times
Reputation: 30318
It's not a big deal that you don't like children.

I don't recommend babysitting or volunteering with children if you don't like kids. More exposure isn't likely to change your opinion, and there are people who are better suited to devoting time to being with them.

From your post, it seems you feel your problem is that people are offended by your negativeness about children. If you truly want to overcome that, focus more on tollerance and self control. Surely, you can have manners when you encounter a child. That doesn't mean that you have to be all gushy and involved----just don't be mean. Limit your time exposure if you can't handle being around them.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 09:16 PM
 
10,630 posts, read 23,111,293 times
Reputation: 6694
Why do you need to like kids? You don't need to like kids -- you just need to be able to be polite and follow basic social norms. Presumably you do this already. If not, if you really do have outright anger towards kids or can't handle people talking about kids or something similarly extreme, perhaps talk to a therapist about it; that seems like it would be far more useful than going out and trying to "fix" it on your own. They could probably help give you coping strategies of some sort. Otherwise just either avoid events that are kid-focused, and just try to grin and bear it if your friends start discussing children. You're under no obligation to like kids, or to find them interesting, or to want to spend time around them. Obviously you still need to be able to go out in public, though, and will probably have to interact with the children of relatives or friends from time to time, so if that's the case the issue seems to be more about learning how to keep that dislike to yourself. Like Hopes said, just don't be mean, and focus on the self-control.
 
Old 05-07-2011, 09:22 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,558 posts, read 6,660,292 times
Reputation: 9778
Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
Why do you need to like kids? You don't need to like kids -- you just need to be able to be polite and follow basic social norms. Presumably you do this already. If not, if you really do have outright anger towards kids or can't handle people talking about kids or something similarly extreme, perhaps talk to a therapist about it; that seems like it would be far more useful than going out and trying to "fix" it on your own. They could probably help give you coping strategies of some sort. Otherwise just either avoid events that are kid-focused, and just try to grin and bear it if your friends start discussing children. You're under no obligation to like kids, or to find them interesting, or to want to spend time around them. Obviously you still need to be able to go out in public, though, and will probably have to interact with the children of relatives or friends from time to time, so if that's the case the issue seems to be more about learning how to keep that dislike to yourself. Like Hopes said, just don't be mean, and focus on the self-control.
Agree unless you have one you don't have to like them!!
 
Old 05-07-2011, 09:28 PM
 
4,044 posts, read 6,079,167 times
Reputation: 3834
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I'm not sure how anyone could actually dislike children when we were all children at one time.
Yes...but I would go out on a limb to argue that overall, "we" were a different crop of children compared to the present "yield". Children of the past were children raised to please the adult world, generally speaking. This is no longer the case today.

Most children today are raised with a completely different set of attitudes and expectations: with virtually no boundaries between the "adult" and "children" worlds, with a lot of accommodation and attention on the part of adults, with parents obsessed over not touching their child's fragile yet so precious "self-esteem", with marriages becoming satellites of children instead of children being satellites of marriages, etc.

Such values will not exactly produce children everyone finds adorable to look at (unless, of course, you're the parent). They often result in overbearing, hard to control, intruding, overly confident, overly entitled kids.

So we should not be surprised to see many childless people who simply dislike or even resent children, or parents who will hardly find anyone else's child (but theirs!) too endearing .
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