Seeking opinions please (legal, babies, daughter, get married)

[txtqueen]

I don't get the outrage surrounding them already living together.
LOTS of people live with each other and get married. I think its smart to know what its like to live with the person before you marry them, wouldn't want to marry them and THEN move in and be like well damn this sucks.

And what was with the white dress comment? Did that possibly go over my head too?

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

I don't get the outrage surrounding them already living together.
LOTS of people live with each other and get married. I think its smart to know what its like to live with the person before you marry them, wouldn't want to marry them and THEN move in and be like well damn this sucks.

And what was with the white dress comment? Did that possibly go over my head too?

It is one thing to live together for a year before getting married. It is another to do it for 10 years and have 2 kids, and still expect the big white wedding, paid for by someone else. No one is saying they shouldn't get married, only that they need to pay for it themselves.

[num1baby]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

I don't get the outrage surrounding them already living together.
LOTS of people live with each other and get married. I think its smart to know what its like to live with the person before you marry them, wouldn't want to marry them and THEN move in and be like well damn this sucks.

And what was with the white dress comment? Did that possibly go over my head too?

I don't think the outrage is over them living together. The outrage is that they are expecting the father to pay for the wedding after they are living together and have kids together. At that point in their lives, the father isn't responsible for paying for the wedding any more than he is expected to provide a dowry.

The white dress is supposed to be reserved for virgins. For some reason, I don't think that tradition is really upheld any more. If it was, there would be very few white wedding dresses worn.

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by rkb0305

It is one thing to live together for a year before getting married. It is another to do it for 10 years and have 2 kids, and still expect the big white wedding, paid for by someone else. No one is saying they shouldn't get married, only that they need to pay for it themselves.

Isn't marriage...marriage...when ever it happens?
No matter if it happens now vs later?

[steelstress]

Originally Posted by Mattie

Wear beige and keep your mouth shut. (never mind OP, you had to be there).

Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!

[steelstress]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

Isn't marriage...marriage...when ever it happens?
No matter if it happens now vs later?

you can't be serious. With 2 explanations, it STILL went over your head. Essentially, the couple has had and maintained their own household and already has their family, and for many years. They've established themselves to be autonomous adults. They should not be expecting daddy to foot the bill for them.

I wonder if she's expecting daddy to "give her away."

[purehuman]

They've been together 15 years.....I can't figure out why they, you, the ex. whoever,figures you have to spend a pile of money to pay for a wedding. If you said NO, what then....would they just not get married???These people should just have a small wedding, and not make any demands on family for handouts, as they seem to have been doing fine for the last 15 years.

[steelstress]

Originally Posted by purehuman

These people should just have a small wedding, and not make any demands on family for handouts, as they seem to have been doing fine for the last 15 years.

That includes wedding gifts!

[jackmccullough]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

I don't get the outrage surrounding them already living together.
LOTS of people live with each other and get married. I think its smart to know what its like to live with the person before you marry them, wouldn't want to marry them and THEN move in and be like well damn this sucks.

And what was with the white dress comment? Did that possibly go over my head too?

I agree. I don't think any parent of a bride of any age is obligated to fund one of these lavish weddings that seem to have become the norm.

Still, the level of hostility I'm seeing expressed to this young woman who has been able to establish and maintain a successful relationship and wants to formalize that relationship in the bonds of matrimony is way out of proportion to anything she's ever done to any of the posters on this thread.

[no kudzu]

jack- it isn't anything personal. You came on here asking advice and we gave it. Many of us think your daughter should not be asking you for anything at this stage of the game.
Wanting to get married is great. it really is. They stand a very good chance of making it. What we are having trouble with is asking her parents to foot the bill for a wedding which is only symbolic at best.

Also, maybe you aren't aware of the many threads on this forum about weddings, bridezillas, outrageous demands, etc. Some on here are a bit sensitive about the subject.

I doubt anybody has any problem with their living together and the kids, I don't think the color of the dress is an issue either , although some seem to have issue with it. It's the expecting to be feted like a new couple when they in fact are anything but new.

Certainly nothing hostile was meant by my post. My own adult son and his sense of entitlement has made this forum at times. I can bash him all I like but when others chimed in, I got hurt and angry. I think this is what is happening here with you.