Prom (boys, daughter, boyfriend, students)

[JustJulia]

My daughter is not old enough for prom yet, but we will buy her a dress. There is a great second-hand shop near us that sells very nice used clothing, including a big rack of cocktail and evening dresses. We got her winter formal dress there for $50. It was probably worn once or twice, just like it will be with her. The dress looks new and no one else had one like it.

She asked the boy, so we paid for tickets, as we will do if she asks a boy to prom. I'm not sure how much prom tickets are, but we will probably ask her to contribute something. I'm assuming she won't be going to prom until she is a junior or senior, and it will depend on whether she has a job.

I would not let her go to an after-prom party with alcohol, no. She could go somewhere with friends I know and trust. She has several friends whose parents are not permissive, yet allow parties, and one of them will probably have one. Or we might, who knows.

[another_hot-day]

I paid for my sons Tux rental. the corsage, and the dinner out.
I don't regrey any of it. They both looked amazing and they had a great time.

The prom was over at 12 and they were at the house at 12:10 and headed over to a friends house.

All is well.

[txtqueen]

I went to Homecoming all 4 years, and my mom paid for the dress and the ticket and afterwards we all went out to Sonic and then to someones house to hang out for a bit.
I went to Prom, junior year, senior year and had to stay an extra semester to make up for getting mono, graduated in December and still went to prom that last year because I hadn't seen anyone all semester.

Junior year and senior year we all went to Prom, then to after prom at the school and then out to breakfast that morning.

My last senior year I was months from turning 19 and told my mom I was going to a party after prom instead of "after-prom" at the school and she flipped out telling me I had to be somewhere where there was adult supervision. I went to the party anyways instead of wasting $40 on after-prom and sat in a hot tub and relaxed with my friends, which was much more memorable than some school function. I was home at about 3 or 4am, which was MUCH earlier than when I would have been home if I had gone to after-prom, because after prom lets out at 4am here and then everyone goes out to breakfast till about 6 or 7am.

[sskkc]

I did not attend my senior prom - I was dating someone 4 years older and he didn't want to go. But I'm sorry I missed it. I was always 'older' than everyone else my age and missed out on a lot of that stuff.

I knew girls that started attending their freshman year with older boys. This was the late 80s - and if you were a virgin that night, you wouldn't be the next morning. Alcohol was expected at the after parties - and EVERYONE took a limo of some sort - no one drove themselves. (I grew up in an affluent suburb outside of Chicago) The following day, most went to Six Flags or out on the lake, etc. They'd stay in hotels overnight, close to the following day's entertainment.

My kids are young yet, but I'd like them to go experience it all. I'd pay for a dress (within a budget) and hair, shoes, etc as well as a tux. I'd probably pop for the limo too. At that point I'll be working on the 'letting go' aspect as well - I'd like to think that I will turn an understanding eye toward the alcohol (as long as no driving is involved, and I won't be doing any of the purchasing).

I hope I raise a child mature enough to know when enough is enough and I plan on having NO KNOWLEDGE of their sex lives, other than a private talk or two with each of them - though they are 8 and 11 and those discussions have already begun here - mostly just curiosity on their parts.

I would NEVER allow a freshman or sophomore (13/14 ... really?!) to go to either. I still remember the stories... and the after effects of my friends who DID go that young. Some were 'fine', but some were NOT. Allowing a 13 year old to 'party' with 18 year old men until 3 or 4am is just not smart, IMO.

[KAILANI]

If it's the cost you are worried about, I just got a GREAT brand new Formal dress on E-bay for $35. It's retail was $200+. (Bill Levkoff)

Don't buy from the malls, too expensive.
Look online, craigslist. Many other parents are trying to offload last years prom dresses that they paid full price for!!

I would pay for the dress and tickets for my children, not the date. I would pay half for the hair and have her do her own nails.

I'd give her my cell for the after party and like others have said, CALL ME at 2 am so I can come and get you!

[NJGOAT]

My parents paid for the tux, flowers, limo and tickets. The cost of any after parties were on me. In NJ it is a bit of tradition to head down the shore and stay in a motel/hotel, rent a house, or use someone's family vacation home. There is of course drinking involved down the shore, but since it is the party scene and the destination, not much driving is involved.

I think I would follow a similar arrangement for my kids. Providing for the actual cost of prom, but leaving any "extracurriculars" up to them to pay for. I may be able to turn a blind eye to some of the things that happen, but I'm also not going to finance it.

[carolinacool]

Originally Posted by sskkc

My kids are young yet, but I'd like them to go experience it all. I'd pay for a dress (within a budget) and hair, shoes, etc as well as a tux. I'd probably pop for the limo too. At that point I'll be working on the 'letting go' aspect as well - I'd like to think that I will turn an understanding eye toward the alcohol (as long as no driving is involved, and I won't be doing any of the purchasing).

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

I think I would follow a similar arrangement for my kids. Providing for the actual cost of prom, but leaving any "extracurriculars" up to them to pay for. I may be able to turn a blind eye to some of the things that happen, but I'm also not going to finance it.

Both of these, if we are talking about an 18-year-old senior who will be heading off to college in a couple of months. For kids younger than that, I would care a great deal more about any after-prom plans.

My mom paid for my dresses and hair the two years I went. Limos were extremely rare in my town, so that wasn't a though. My junior year, I went to a sponsored after-prom party, so no booze. Senior year, I went a party at a house with alcohol, but I was driving and had sense enough not to drink.

[maciesmom]

Schools here host after prom parties at the school with plent of food and activities specifically to cut down on private after-parties where drinking will be involved. They start right after prom - kids usually go home, change clothes and then go to afterprom which lasts until 4 am. Cost for our afterprom is $25 all inclusive. There are door prizes, food and activities along with a DJ. It is very popular to go to. When my DD was a junior I was on the afterprom committee and tons of work goes into it and tons of kids show up and have a great time.

For DD we paid for her dress, shoes, hair etc. She had a date who paid for the tickets and for dinner. We paid her share of the limo (which seems to me was around $100) because I felt that it was unfair for a date to have to pick up 2 shares of that when, in this case (due to the date and location) I felt it was a safety issue. Her senior yr. wasn't as big a deal since she'd been the year before. She found a dress for $20 at Ross or something and had a friend do her hair. DS saw how much it was all going to cost and declined to go even though we said we'd pay for him since we had paid for her. He just felt it was too much money regardless of who was paying....

[LibraGirl123]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

Schools here host after prom parties at the school with plent of food and activities specifically to cut down on private after-parties where drinking will be involved. They start right after prom - kids usually go home, change clothes and then go to afterprom which lasts until 4 am. Cost for our afterprom is $25 all inclusive. There are door prizes, food and activities along with a DJ. It is very popular to go to. When my DD was a junior I was on the afterprom committee and tons of work goes into it and tons of kids show up and have a great time.

The three high schools in our local school district host post-prom parties at the respective schools as well. The parties start at about midnight and run to about 6:00 AM. Students must have a note from their parents to leave before the party is over. Admission is free and the party is open to all seniors (and their prom dates)...even those students who didn't attend the prom.

The areas of the schools dedicated to the parties (even the bathrooms) are decorated by parents and students according to that year's theme, then the community is invited to a "walk through" while the kids are at the prom. There's LOTS of food, activities and prizes. When the parties first started (back in the mid-1990's), it wasn't very cool to go the first year or two, but that all changed once the kids found out how much fun it could be.

The post-prom parties are a lot of work, but I think the parents involved agree that it's a much safer alternative to drinking/driving and staying in a hotel.

[maciesmom]

Yep...kids here will go the the afterprom even if they don't go to prom. That's what DS did this year. He had a great time. And yes, it is open to the community for an hour or two to "walk through" prior to the actual party starting. Our kids also have to have a note to leave but....the better door prizes are saved for later in the evening and you must be present to win......