Boyfriend's Mother Has Not Helped At All (day care, child, married)
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That's a bit cold. She said that her boyfriend had a steady job until she was well into her third trimester. Should she have had a crystal ball at the ready? What is wrong with helping others out in a time of need? Why do some of you have such an issue with sticking it to people in a bind?
Well first of all OP is due in THREE WEEKS. Perhaps she should get a late term abortion? Or give the baby away because her boyfriend lost his job LAST MONTH.
Too bad if she isn't thrilled. The fact of the matter is this baby is coming and is the woman's grandchild.
So the odds are against her? So what does that mean? No one should care for her and her family? No one should lend a helping hand?
It doesn't matter if it was planned or an accident. The boyfriend lost his job LAST MONTH. NOT before she got pregnant.
Why is it cold to save your money for when it's needed? It sounds like they will need necessities down the road here. I assume she'll be off of work for several weeks after the baby is born. I'd wait until I knew what's really needed. If money is spent now on extras, it won't be there if there's a real need later.
The odds are against a relationship surviving when a baby is born before marriage or within one year of marriage. That's just statistics. Given that it's the girlfriend having the baby and not her daughter and her son's relationship with her is already strained, I can see her stepping back. I would.
Actually it does matter if it was planned or an accident. Their relationship is more likely to survive if the baby was planned. Which means she's more likely to have the opportunity to be in the baby's life in the future. Unplanned pregnancies wreak havoc on relationships.
Yes the baby is coming and it is her grandchild...what does that mean? Does she owe something to her son and his girlfriend because they are having a baby? No one owes you anything because you had a baby. It's nice if they want to help but they're not required to help. The baby is the parent's responsibility. If someone else chooses to buy gifts or offer to help, that's their chioice but no one should think less of them if they choose not to. It's not their child.
My husband and I have been together longer than we've been married too. Actually, most people have unless they got married the day they met.
After a failed marriage, where my ex went to jail for beating me up I realized that the only true commitment one can make is in their heart.
Maybe I am stupid for believing that but right now that commitment is enough for me. One day we will exchange vows and be married but we aren't going to do that because it's what everyone expect us to do.
Why is it cold to save your money for when it's needed? It sounds like they will need necessities down the road here. I assume she'll be off of work for several weeks after the baby is born. I'd wait until I knew what's really needed. If money is spent now on extras, it won't be there if there's a real need later.
Saving can only last you so long. We are paid on rent for another 2 months because we figured having a roof over our heads should come before anything else.
We try to save as much as we can. I only go from home to work (a mile down the road) and to doctor's appointments...and that's it. We try to save on gas. I haven't bought anything for myself. I need clothes because nothing fits me anymore and I only have 2 pairs of pants to wear to work and a couple tops. I work at an office and everyone dresses nicely but me and I am fine with that because we cannot afford it.
I am not going on shopping sprees, getting my hair and nails done and then complaining that we have no money.
We are getting by with very little right now and hoping and praying that one of the jobs he's applied for will call back.
We used to make 6 grand combined monthly. We had a good income but we no longer do and it all happened too fast. We were happy we'd be able to support her, save money for her education but then we were taken by surprised a few weeks ago.
Meh. Marriage does not a commitment make. My husband and I have been together longer than we've been married. That wedding day didn't make us any more committed than we were previously. Put that big ole broad brush down, mmmkay?
Statistically speaking, relationships that start with the couple living together before getting married are more likely to fail. TIME is needed to see which relationships will work and which won't. That's why I asked how long these two were together before they decided to have a baby. It matters.
Why is it cold to save your money for when it's needed? It sounds like they will need necessities down the road here. I assume she'll be off of work for several weeks after the baby is born. I'd wait until I knew what's really needed. If money is spent now on extras, it won't be there if there's a real need later.
The odds are against a relationship surviving when a baby is born before marriage or within one year of marriage. That's just statistics. Given that it's the girlfriend having the baby and not her daughter and her son's relationship with her is already strained, I can see her stepping back. I would.
Actually it does matter if it was planned or an accident. Their relationship is more likely to survive if the baby was planned. Which means she's more likely to have the opportunity to be in the baby's life in the future. Unplanned pregnancies wreak havoc on relationships.
Yes the baby is coming and it is her grandchild...what does that mean? Does she owe something to her son and his girlfriend because they are having a baby? No one owes you anything because you had a baby. It's nice if they want to help but they're not required to help. The baby is the parent's responsibility. If someone else chooses to buy gifts or offer to help, that's their chioice but no one should think less of them if they choose not to. It's not their child.
I will only say that I think rubbing someone's nose in something when they are in a bind is pretty crappy. As for the rest of your post, it's pure speculation and not something I'm entirely interested in getting into a back and forth about.
You should look at people as people, not statistics. Does she owe them something? No. The fact that she is choosing to not invest herself or at the very least offer a little help speaks a lot to her character. Or lack thereof.
Statistically speaking, relationships that start with the couple living together before getting married are more likely to fail. TIME is needed to see which relationships will work and which won't. That's why I asked how long these two were together before they decided to have a baby. It matters.
Statistics mean very little to me when it comes to human relationships and foibles. I know too many marriages that have lasted 45 years and been home to cheating, abuse, unhappiness etc. BFD
Saving can only last you so long. We are paid on rent for another 2 months because we figured having a roof over our heads should come before anything else.
We try to save as much as we can. I only go from home to work (a mile down the road) and to doctor's appointments...and that's it. We try to save on gas. I haven't bought anything for myself. I need clothes because nothing fits me anymore and I only have 2 pairs of pants to wear to work and a couple tops. I work at an office and everyone dresses nicely but me and I am fine with that because we cannot afford it.
I am not going on shopping sprees, getting my hair and nails done and then complaining that we have no money.
We are getting by with very little right now and hoping and praying that one of the jobs he's applied for will call back.
We used to make 6 grand combined monthly. We had a good income but we no longer do and it all happened too fast. We were happy we'd be able to support her, save money for her education but then we were taken by surprised a few weeks ago.
I was referring to his mother choosing not to spend money now on the baby. If you've just had a shower, there's likely little you need but if he's out of work and you're going to be on maternity leave (I assume, at least, partially wihtout pay), there may be needs later.
I don't know what her plan is. It's really her choice. I don't feel I owe my step son and his wife anything when they have a new baby. I'll pick something up because I was raised to never show up to see a new baby or a new house empty handed but I don't spend a lot. I don't feel the need to.
Life changes. That's why it's so important to have 6 months income in the bank. Especially if you have kids.
I was referring to his mother choosing not to spend money now on the baby. If you've just had a shower, there's likely little you need but if he's out of work and you're going to be on maternity leave (I assume, at least, partially wihtout pay), there may be needs later.
I don't know what her plan is. It's really her choice. I don't feel I owe my step son and his wife anything when they have a new baby. I'll pick something up because I was raised to never show up to see a new baby or a new house empty handed but I don't spend a lot. I don't feel the need to.
Life changes. That's why it's so important to have 6 months income in the bank. Especially if you have kids.
That isn't possible for many, many people. Even moreso in this economy.
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