Fathers who try to brag about their son, or wants to be proud of their son

[BrooklynDad85]

Originally Posted by dhanu86

Is this a common thing with fathers?

The answer is yes, OP. We get excited when our kids are on what we perceive to be a track to an existence we've idealized in our minds and we want for our kids, and when we get excited we want to share it with others. Parents are guilty of pre-conceived notions just like anyone else. Lots of parents think they want their kids to be doctors without thinking about the debt, the hours they work, the damage to their work-life balance in many cases, and the high suicide rate. Your father had a pre-conceived notion about the job you were studying for in college. He idealized it in his mind and got excited about it. That doesn't mean that what you're doing now is any lesser, or will lead to a less fulfilling existence, and when he sees that you're getting personal fulfillment from what you're doing now (which I hope you are), he will be pleased in a completely different way. If he's like most fathers, he just wants his boy to be happy

[wac_432]

Originally Posted by dhanu86

Well I'm not the type that cares what anyone thinks of me because I like to be honest with friends and value down to earth friendships. Is this a common thing with fathers? My grandfather was hard on him and then he became hard on me, but don't like this part of our relationship. Put on a pedalstal so to speak, when I just want to be appreciated for being myself.

It's common with fathers.
I want my son to be happy, but I also want him to be a productive member of society.

I'd be ashamed of him if he turned out to be a drain on society.
I'd be proud of him if he was a contributor to society, even as a waterbed salesman, if it included a lifestyle that also made him happy.

[Murk]

I think a large part of growing up is realizing your parents are actually PEOPLE independent of the fact that they are your parents, and getting to know and understand them as those people. I know plenty of people who never get here and keep the parent-child dynamic their whole lives.

Parents enjoy sharing good things about their kids with others. It's tough for anyone to have to share bad news, from most people's standpoint.

I once heard my father talking to his coworker. "Oh, I have three daughters. One followed in my footsteps and is an engineer. The second is studying at Duke to be a doctor." A pause... the other guy asked about the third, and my father changed the subject back to work. I had just dropped out of college. There is no good way to spin that so it sounds positive, even if it is in the long run. He wasn't ashamed of me. He was sad and scared for me.

You might not care what other people think of you, but it's not a horrible thing to do so. It feels good to share positive news with other people. Parents are like that because they're people, too.