Fathers who try to brag about their son, or wants to be proud of their son (support, parents)
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I'm 24 and live an independent life, though my father has friends who he tries to brag to about me, or he did in the past when I was in college, he would say what university I'm in and what I'm studying, etc. Basicly I dropped out to pursue something less "braggable" and I never confronted him, but he seems ashamed to tell his friends what happend or the complete truth. Not that its their business, but I feel like the best thing he liked about me going to college, was the image thing, or that I'm on a good track in life on the road to doing "big" "proud" "cool" things, like developing some take off app or software.
Well I'm not the type that cares what anyone thinks of me because I like to be honest with friends and value down to earth friendships. Is this a common thing with fathers? My grandfather was hard on him and then he became hard on me, but don't like this part of our relationship. Put on a pedalstal so to speak, when I just want to be appreciated for being myself.
I understand what your father feels. He thinks that without a college education you will be at a disadvantage throughout life trying to stay employed.
Out of curiosity, what where you studying? What were your career goals drive by that study?
What are you pursuing now?
For example, (and this is a little extreme), how would you feel if you had a kid who was 90% complete with an engineering degree and suddenly he dropped out and decided to sell waterbeds somewhere?
Did you drop out just because your Dad was bragging about you? I hope not...I hope you don't let your Dads bragging decide for you what you will or won't do in life.....You should just ignore him, so what if he's a braggart....it's your life, live it the way YOU want.
I think it's fairly common, not just among fathers but parents in general. The braggers, they're the norm. MOST parents can't shut up about their children's accomplishments. Your father probably feels uncomfortable with their bragging and judgements. (I don't share this view out of jealousy. My daughter is very accomplished, but I don't go on and on about what college she's attending or what study she is pursuing.) The reality is that parents often view their children as extensions of themselves. Your view might change when you become a parent. Of course, most people share the whole ugly truth with their true friends about their children. But it takes a very special parent to willingly share children's failures with acquaintences or judgemental people.
I can understand avoiding the discussion. I dread running into parents from my son's childhood. I'm certainly not going to tell them he has a mental illness. That's his privacy. And I'll look like I have two heads if I try to bush off what he's not accomplishing as "forging his own path" "marching to the beat of his own drum." When I do run into these people, I simply say "he doesn't know what he wants to do. He's taking time to find his way." It's not a lie. But you can see the shock and disapproval on their faces. Since they know him, they're very aware of how extremely bright and personable he was----the sky wasn't a limit for him. Sometimes people don't reach their potential because other things factor into their lives, like his mental illness.
I'm 24 and live an independent life, though my father has friends who he tries to brag to about me, or he did in the past when I was in college, he would say what university I'm in and what I'm studying, etc. Basicly I dropped out to pursue something less "braggable" and I never confronted him, but he seems ashamed to tell his friends what happend or the complete truth. Not that its their business, but I feel like the best thing he liked about me going to college, was the image thing, or that I'm on a good track in life on the road to doing "big" "proud" "cool" things, like developing some take off app or software.
Well I'm not the type that cares what anyone thinks of me because I like to be honest with friends and value down to earth friendships. Is this a common thing with fathers? My grandfather was hard on him and then he became hard on me, but don't like this part of our relationship. Put on a pedalstal so to speak, when I just want to be appreciated for being myself.
Apparently my father used to brag about me too, but he hardly ever did it around me, so I heard about it from other people. So, how do you know what your dad is or isn't saying? Just asking.
Also, I always viewed my dad as just that. He was my dad and I saw quite a narrow view of him as he fit into my life, I didn't really know what he was like as a buddy, or how others perceived him etc.
Even at the ripe old age of 34, my age when he passed away, I still had such a shortsighted concept of who he was as a person. Hearing all his friends and associates talk about him after he dies made me realize just how narrow minded I had been.
So my point here is that you are still very much making this all about you, as one your age typically does (but notice from my admission it can continue to age 34). In fact one would think that YOU are the one with some doubt about your choices because he hasn't actually told you he is less proud, at least you didn't say that, you said he didn't seem to brag as much, which could just be your insecurity.
So until you talk to him, its mostly speculation, and I just want you to know that we never let go of that need to have our parents support us, admire us, and be proud of us, no matter how old we get.
Apparently my father used to brag about me too, but he hardly ever did it around me, so I heard about it from other people. So, how do you know what your dad is or isn't saying? Just asking.
Also, I always viewed my dad as just that. He was my dad and I saw quite a narrow view of him as he fit into my life, I didn't really know what he was like as a buddy, or how others perceived him etc.
Even at the ripe old age of 34, my age when he passed away, I still had such a shortsighted concept of who he was as a person. Hearing all his friends and associates talk about him after he dies made me realize just how narrow minded I had been.
So my point here is that you are still very much making this all about you, as one your age typically does (but notice from my admission it can continue to age 34). In fact one would think that YOU are the one with some doubt about your choices because he hasn't actually told you he is less proud, at least you didn't say that, you said he didn't seem to brag as much, which could just be your insecurity.
So until you talk to him, its mostly speculation, and I just want you to know that we never let go of that need to have our parents support us, admire us, and be proud of us, no matter how old we get.
This is one of the best posts I've read in a while here! Thank you!
As most fathers he wants the best for you, and probably paid for your education in one way or the other, and probably pissed you bailed. Your 24 now, be your own man.
This is one of the best posts I've read in a while here! Thank you!
Thanks, isn't it amazing how much more clear OTHER people's situations seem? Lol
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Thanks
