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Yes...He does have ADHD and was put on meds in Jr High School. He did not like taking the meds so he has not taken them in years. I have never used the "ADHD" as an excuse for him nor did I ever go to his schools about it. My thought process was that in "real life" you have to figure out a way to adjust and deal with things and not to use excuses. We all have issues of some kind and have to figure out our strengths and weakness and work around it. Maybe I am wrong by not pushing the meds on him but I have seen too many parents use that for excuses for their kids.
WOW - great advice everyone - Thank YOU ! At this point, still not 100% sure of my decision BUT I am going to play this one out. The letter should come from the school next week about if he is allowed to stay or not stay. He really wants to go back there so the choice will be up to him if he stays.
I am giving him around the house projects to do until Summer School starts. Yesterday I told him to pull all of roots from old trees (over 20 of them), I gave him til the start of summer school to complete the task - he did them all yesterday. As a friend told me "That rules out being lazy cause if he was lazy, he would of done like one or two in a day".
Thank you to all who posted that some kids are just slower to mature...I am hoping that is the case here with my son.
I will add - No I am not rich and work hard for my money, his college is $40 K...very small school with classes sizes of 15 to 20 kids. The school is smaller then his High School was and i think that is a positive for him. I do not want to pay for "partying" (he was not allowed to take a tv or video to school, just his laptop) but I do think the advantages of going away to school is much larger then going to a community college while living at home.
did very poorly.
You wrote he did poorly, maybe going on probation. Actually, he sounds pretty smart - he just miscalculated a little bit. If he got all Cs, then that is perfect efficiency. Getting a B is a waste of time - you studied too much. An A is even worse.
he is just lazy.
There's no such thing as lazy - there are only choices. He'd rather not do the work you want him to.
it was all lies.
I can't condone the lying. Or, is he really lying or outsmarting you verbally?
He is lazy and tries to find the "short cut" in everything he does.
He is smart for wanting to find the short cut in everything he does. Only a fool would seek to find a "long cut".
He told me "We are going some place else cause I do not want to clean up after they leave
Again, he is smart for rearranging his plans to save work. Good for him.
Charles - I think you know my son ! This is what frustrates me...he is smart.
I would not pay for any more school. Go take him to sign up for military, Americorps, or take him to job service in your town, to get help looking for work.
Time for him to grow up. Enabling kids is not helping them grow up.
did very poorly.
You wrote he did poorly, maybe going on probation. Actually, he sounds pretty smart - he just miscalculated a little bit. If he got all Cs, then that is perfect efficiency. Getting a B is a waste of time - you studied too much. An A is even worse.
he is just lazy.
There's no such thing as lazy - there are only choices. He'd rather not do the work you want him to.
it was all lies.
I can't condone the lying. Or, is he really lying or outsmarting you verbally?
He is lazy and tries to find the "short cut" in everything he does.
He is smart for wanting to find the short cut in everything he does. Only a fool would seek to find a "long cut".
He told me "We are going some place else cause I do not want to clean up after they leave
Again, he is smart for rearranging his plans to save work. Good for him.
Charles - Your responses actually sound like him ! So do you have a suggestion on how I should deal with him? I am putting my foot down - do you think there is hope for him?
I do not want to pay for "partying" (he was not allowed to take a tv or video to school, just his laptop)
That decision may have had the opposite effect. If he doesn't have his own, it just means he needed to get social so he could use someone else's.
You've already gotten a lot of good advice, but I would just look at things in perspective. Did he fail, or did he simply not get the kind of grades you were expecting? There is a big difference there. Even if he did do poorly, most schools have a probation system of "freshman forgiveness" and won't outright dismiss someone for poor grades until after the second year. Also, many kids do poorly in their first year as they are working out the whole independence, responsibility party vs. work thing.
I would also take a look at his class load. Though it is expensive to take the minimum load and will most likely end up in his degree taking 5 instead of 4 years, keeping a minimum load to stay matriculated may benefit him at least in the short term. So many kids pile a full class load on themselves from day one only to end up overwhelmed as they adjust to college life and course work.
With all that said, this school is rather expensive and there isn't much motivation to pay for him to squeak by at $40k a year. If it were me, I would schedule him to go next year dependent on his performance in summer school. Do well in summer school, get another semester, do well in that semester, get another one and so on.
Socialization and partying is actually a large component of the college life and many people take away just as many life lessons from those interactions than they do from their classes. The key is getting him to realize that while you don't care about his socialization, you also expect him to perform well in his "work" while at school. There are a lot of kids whose sole motivation to do well in school is directly tied to being able to socialize and see the friends they have made.
I was going to suggest a visit to the National Guard recruiter. He will get a reality check at boot camp. Maybe get a decent MOS skill. He'll get some pocket money, College money, serve his country and community. It is only two week a year and one weekend a month.
I was going to suggest a visit to the National Guard recruiter. He will get a reality check at boot camp. Maybe get a decent MOS skill. He'll get some pocket money, College money, serve his country and community. It is only two week a year and one weekend a month.
Yeah, until he gets activated and rotated to Afghanistan...
Nothing against the military and serving the country. I come from a long line of people who served and have the utmost respect for our military men and women. However, getting money for college and learning a little personal discipline are probably the worst reasons one can join. If you want to serve, than more power to you, but don't join up just for some college tuition and a little motivation.
Yeah, until he gets activated and rotated to Afghanistan...
Nothing against the military and serving the country. I come from a long line of people who served and have the utmost respect for our military men and women. However, getting money for college and learning a little personal discipline are probably the worst reasons one can join. If you want to serve, than more power to you, but don't join up just for some college tuition and a little motivation.
Always a possibility of getting deployed but every volunteer in the last ten years knows that going in.
One has to balance the benefit to risk ratio.
My son has been in the USAF for four years now and has not deployed once.
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