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I don't know what this world is coming to with so many permissive parents who would rather be their children's friends ( and are even PROUD of this, as so many posters in this thread have been). Your kids must walk all over you. Just wait until my children grow up to be successful adults while yours grow up into the next generation of deadbeats and criminals. Then you'll be wishing you'd used discipline, and I can guarantee you won't think it's "cruel" or "abusive" to discipline your kids any more. My son may be miserable this summer but it will teach him a valuable lesson and he will be a better student for it. I know one day he will thank me for my effective parenting when he's mature enough to realize it will make him more successful.
Whoa. Unbelievable. Who do you think you are talking to? You are nothing but a big bully. I can only imagine how the rest of your poor family must feel.
My 15-year-old son just finished his freshman year in high school on Friday. I had known since March that he was struggling in math, so I took away his TV, computer, and video game priveleges until the end of the school year, so he would have more time to study. All year he kept whining about how math was "too hard" and making all sorts of excuses for doing poorly, like that High School was too hard for him and that he was having trouble because it was his first year of high school! I warned him to study, and I told him he'd be grounded all summer if he didn't get good grades on his final report card. He has often gotten bad grades in math, and it is a subject that he was always slacked off in and I am sick of it.
The last straw was on Friday, which was the last day of school in our district. He showed me his final report card, and I was appalled to see that he got an F in math! I told him that he was Grounded For The Entire Summer.
The terms of his grounding are:
No TV
No Computer
No Video Games
No Phone (I also took away his cell phone)
No Friends
No Desserts
No Bedroom Door (I removed it- privacy is a privilege in our household)
Plenty of Extra Chores
No Books except those I or my wife approve. I will be buying him a math text book and he will be spending 8 hours a day studying, all summer long.
He's not allowed outside of the house, except to accompany me or my wife on errands, as he's also not allowed home alone.
Whenever the rest of the family has dessert, he has to watch us eat it. Also, each evening, I make his sisters (ages 17 and 14) and his brother (age 12) tell him about all the summer fun they had that day, so he'll know what he's missing out on.
We are also going on vacation to Hawaii in July and he will not be allowed to come.
What do you think? Is this an appropriate punishment, or am I going overboard? My wife thinks I'm overreacting. She says that I'm being too hard on him and the punishment is borderline cruel. I understand it is a bit harsh, but I feel that it's time to finally put a stop to my son's slacking in math, and teach him a valuable lesson about the importance of good study habits. What do you think? Is this a good punishment, or am I going overboard? Please Help.
Thank you in advance.
I feel really, really bad for your son...maybe he doesnt have the aptitude for math, and it is too hard for him....maybe he needs help instead of punishment, I mean if the kid cant figure it out, he cant figure it out ...you are pushing him way too hard to be what YOU want him to be....eventually (if not already) I can see him shutting down to you, and thinking...I cant wait to get the hell outa here......You arent teaching him anything except that he may never meet your expectations....I can see why he would quit even trying...
Thank's for your support. You're right, it seems like many posters think my son is weak and delicate and can't handle learning a hard, valuable lesson about proper study habits and the importance of school. I have decided to hire a tutor, by the way.
Oh and your story about coaching was awesome. You sure showed that "child psychology major"! I wonder how many of these judgmental posters who keep attacking my parenting are actually childless but think they know all there is to know about parenting because they read it in a book or majored in child psychology?
It isn't right to punish your child for having a learning disability. If I knew where you were, I would notify the local authorities.
I couldn't help but laugh when I read this! Thank's for your support, Pythonis. It's nice too see there's another parent out there who wants to be a parent and not a permissive pushover.
Just too clarify about the Hawaii thing, I told my son that he will not be allowed to come with us too Hawaii. However, I may reverse his decision if he behaves throughout the first week of his grounding and studies hard. I will be giving him a math test on Friday, and if he gets at least 80% he can come. If not, I will let one of my daughters bring a friend of hers along as the plane ticket is not refundable, but can be changed to a different person for a fee. Although I am wondering who will look after him if he stays home. I was going to hire a baby sitter, but I am worried he or she might not enforce the grounding properly. I may end up bringing my son to hawaii but grounding him to the hotel room while we are there.
Pythonis is right about the cost, the vacation to Hawaii is very expensive and we have been saving up for 2 years for this trip. As a result, we don't have much money left to spend on a tutor to teach my son material he would already have learned had he payed attention in class, studied hard, and done all his homework as he was repeatedly told to do and warned he would be grounded all summer if he did not do. However, I will be hiring a tutor to ensure that he learns math and he will be doing extra chores around the house to earn the money we will be spending on it. Right now, I have a daily schedule for him. He spends 8 hours a day studying and doing math sheets, and the rest of the day doing chores around the house. To whoever suggested cutting off cable TV for the summer to save money for a tutor, I am not going to punish the rest of the family for my son's lack of work ethic and laziness in school by making them go without cable.
I don't know what this world is coming to with so many permissive parents who would rather be their children's friends ( and are even PROUD of this, as so many posters in this thread have been). Your kids must walk all over you. Just wait until my children grow up to be successful adults while yours grow up into the next generation of deadbeats and criminals. Then you'll be wishing you'd used discipline, and I can guarantee you won't think it's "cruel" or "abusive" to discipline your kids any more. My son may be miserable this summer but it will teach him a valuable lesson and he will be a better student for it. I know one day he will thank me for my effective parenting when he's mature enough to realize it will make him more successful.
Riiiiiight because bullying anyone into doing anything is the most effective way to get sh** done. Please dude!
I couldn't help but laugh when I read this! Thank's for your support, Pythonis. It's nice too see there's another parent out there who wants to be a parent and not a permissive pushover.
Just too clarify about the Hawaii thing, I told my son that he will not be allowed to come with us too Hawaii. However, I may reverse his decision if he behaves throughout the first week of his grounding and studies hard. I will be giving him a math test on Friday, and if he gets at least 80% he can come. If not, I will let one of my daughters bring a friend of hers along as the plane ticket is not refundable, but can be changed to a different person for a fee. Although I am wondering who will look after him if he stays home. I was going to hire a baby sitter, but I am worried he or she might not enforce the grounding properly. I may end up bringing my son to hawaii but grounding him to the hotel room while we are there.
Pythonis is right about the cost, the vacation to Hawaii is very expensive and we have been saving up for 2 years for this trip. As a result, we don't have much money left to spend on a tutor to teach my son material he would already have learned had he payed attention in class, studied hard, and done all his homework as he was repeatedly told to do and warned he would be grounded all summer if he did not do. However, I will be hiring a tutor to ensure that he learns math and he will be doing extra chores around the house to earn the money we will be spending on it. Right now, I have a daily schedule for him. He spends 8 hours a day studying and doing math sheets, and the rest of the day doing chores around the house. To whoever suggested cutting off cable TV for the summer to save money for a tutor, I am not going to punish the rest of the family for my son's lack of work ethic and laziness in school by making them go without cable.
I don't know what this world is coming to with so many permissive parents who would rather be their children's friends ( and are even PROUD of this, as so many posters in this thread have been). Your kids must walk all over you. Just wait until my children grow up to be successful adults while yours grow up into the next generation of deadbeats and criminals. Then you'll be wishing you'd used discipline, and I can guarantee you won't think it's "cruel" or "abusive" to discipline your kids any more. My son may be miserable this summer but it will teach him a valuable lesson and he will be a better student for it. I know one day he will thank me for my effective parenting when he's mature enough to realize it will make him more successful.
Ok, maybe I have been too harsh but this hits home for me.
I struggled with math my whole life.
I NEVER got the concept of it.
I always did my homework, I would even look in the sections of the book where it taught you how to do it, and even then I couldn't grasp the concept. No matter how much I studied or how hard I tried, it never made sense. I barely got though math in high school.
I still can't do math now.
My mom doesn't have much money and she could NEVER afford a tutor for me, I never got tutoring. I went to the NJHS kids and they never could explain it to me.
If my mom had taken the same approach as you are, I literally would have been grounded all of high school. I failed math every year of high school and had to make it up during summer school every year which DID cost a lot of money and even then I still barely passed it.
It wasn't because I was lazy, it wasn't because I didn't care.
My mom's ex used to try to help me with math, I would end up in tears because I was so confused.
The point I am trying to get to you is that maybe just maybe your son isn't being lazy that maybe since he voiced to you that it was too hard that maybe he needs a tutor and NEEDED a tutor all year long.
If he tried, if he turned in his homework, if he made an effort, he shouldn't be punished.
This punishment isn't going to teach him anything is going to make him sad and miserable and is going to make him resent math.
You are being way too harsh.
Its teasing him.
Loosen up.
Make him study over the summer, get him a tutor but to not let him enjoy ONE minute of the summer is overkill.
Where's his motivation to do better? Where's his motivation to do anything?
You've killed it.
Oh hey I'm grounded all summer and don't get to enjoy a day of it and then get to go back to school in September and not get a day of rest.
And Hawaii is a one in a life time kind of thing. I mean what if he NEVER gets to go to Hawaii and this was the ONLY opportunity he will ever get. That is going to be pretty miserable.
And you said that you didn't have much money for a tutor because of saving for Hawaii...it doesn't sound like you really care at all about his education or else you would have paid for a tutor and put your wants on the back burner.
Not all kids catch onto math, not all of them understand it. Some kids need a little more help than others and that's what you sign up for as a parent.
Like I said I really hope this is fake.
I can only imagine how I would feel in that situation. I would be very depressed, I wouldn't feel motivated and I would cry everyday. I would be the most unhappy person ever.
I wish you would take a step back and look at your son.
Consider the option that he really does need math help and that maybe you're being way to harsh and need to lighten up a bit. To go this far, its really over kill.
Your son needs math help, not a grounding. He needed math help in the first place but you were too selfish to get that for him because you just HAD to take a vacation to Hawaii. You couldn't just help the kid you had.
Make your son enroll in the equivalent math course at the local community college this summer. He may need to take a placement exam first. Then find out if his high school will allow him to replace his failed math class with the community college course. Some high schools allow this by policy. Make him attend class and do sufficient work at home to insure he passes. That is the best course of action as I see it, instead of focusing on punishment.
My 15-year-old son just finished his freshman year in high school on Friday. I had known since March that he was struggling in math, so I took away his TV, computer, and video game priveleges until the end of the school year, so he would have more time to study. All year he kept whining about how math was "too hard" and making all sorts of excuses for doing poorly, like that High School was too hard for him and that he was having trouble because it was his first year of high school! I warned him to study, and I told him he'd be grounded all summer if he didn't get good grades on his final report card. He has often gotten bad grades in math, and it is a subject that he was always slacked off in and I am sick of it.
The last straw was on Friday, which was the last day of school in our district. He showed me his final report card, and I was appalled to see that he got an F in math! I told him that he was Grounded For The Entire Summer.
The terms of his grounding are:
No TV
No Computer
No Video Games
No Phone (I also took away his cell phone)
No Friends
No Desserts
No Bedroom Door (I removed it- privacy is a privilege in our household)
Plenty of Extra Chores
No Books except those I or my wife approve. I will be buying him a math text book and he will be spending 8 hours a day studying, all summer long.
He's not allowed outside of the house, except to accompany me or my wife on errands, as he's also not allowed home alone.
Whenever the rest of the family has dessert, he has to watch us eat it. Also, each evening, I make his sisters (ages 17 and 14) and his brother (age 12) tell him about all the summer fun they had that day, so he'll know what he's missing out on.
We are also going on vacation to Hawaii in July and he will not be allowed to come.
What do you think? Is this an appropriate punishment, or am I going overboard? My wife thinks I'm overreacting. She says that I'm being too hard on him and the punishment is borderline cruel. I understand it is a bit harsh, but I feel that it's time to finally put a stop to my son's slacking in math, and teach him a valuable lesson about the importance of good study habits. What do you think? Is this a good punishment, or am I going overboard? Please Help.
Thank you in advance.
Only you know if this punishment is warranted or not. Noone else can make any decision on your behalf.
Koale
Only the Americans...aka the people that didn't learn what responsibility is can post such comments here.
Punishing is very good. The kid will understand how things work in real life... you fail -> you deal with the consequences!
The OP made excuses that summer school was cut from the school district budget. So what? There are private companies that offer summer learning & tutoring as well as teachers and graduate students. Turn off the cable to the house for the summer and use that money to pay for your child's tutoring!
Oh I like that idea too!!
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I told him that he was Grounded For The Entire Summer.
As his parent...
