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This is a no judgement zone, so if you are going to judge, please leave.
For as long as I could remember, I was always the practical one, sacrificing my happiness to do what everyone has expected me to do, which is to go to college, etc. But lately, I'm not very happy with college and the college experience for plenty of reasons.
Recently, I was accepted into Nursing school, and while I still plan on going to Nursing school, my heart is just no longer into education. Even after all the bad things I have gone through, the thought of becoming a mother and having a baby lights me up. It is the only thought that makes me happy and keeps me going.
And before you ask, yes, I've been to therapy, yes, I've tried meds, but they only cover the symptoms and don't get into the root of the problem.
No, I'm not having a baby for the wrong reasons, and no, I am NOT romanticizing the idea of having a baby. I know they take work, but I'm lucky enough to have the money, love and patience to support a baby, and my school schedule, once the baby is born, will only consist of classes two days a week and plenty of time to work a job to support myself and my baby.
I'm just so sick of trying to do what society expects me to do, which is to go to college, get married, THEN have kids. Should I stay miserable and continue down the path that everyone expects me to do, or do what I want that I'm almost certain will make me happy?
Recently, I was accepted into Nursing school, and while I still plan on going to Nursing school, my heart is just no longer into education. Even after all the bad things I have gone through, the thought of becoming a mother and having a baby lights me up. It is the only thought that makes me happy and keeps me going.
And before you ask, yes, I've been to therapy, yes, I've tried meds, but they only cover the symptoms and don't get into the root of the problem.
No, I'm not having a baby for the wrong reasons, and no, I am NOT romanticizing the idea of having a baby. I know they take work, but I'm lucky enough to have the money, love and patience to support a baby, and my school schedule, once the baby is born, will only consist of classes two days a week and plenty of time to work a job to support myself and my baby.
I'm just so sick of trying to do what society expects me to do, which is to go to college, get married, THEN have kids. Should I stay miserable and continue down the path that everyone expects me to do, or do what I want that I'm almost certain will make me happy?
If you're not happy with college, then don't go back to college or take a break for a year. If you want a different major, change it. If you just want to go out in the work force, do it.
Babies are born into unfortunate circumstances all the time. Some babies are the result of accidents. However, what you are talking about is the conscious decision to do something selfish, something that will end up hurting the very person you're supposed to care for most--your child. To be a good mother, you must be incredibly unselfish. You must put your child's needs and what is best for your child above all personal wants. You're not doing that right now. You want to have a baby to make yourself happy, to have someone to love you, not because you could provide a good home for that child (which you can't right now.)
That's a selfish reason to bring a child into the world. If you want to do the right thing by your child, wait until you are older, finished with school and have your career started. Wait until you've saved enough to give them a comfortable start in life, not a life where you're scraping the money together each month to buy some Kraft macaroni. It would be one thing if this had happened by accident, or unfortunate circumstances. But to choose to put your child into that sort of situation is selfish, when you could just as easily wait. No, you don't have to be married first, but would it be such a bad thing to wait a few years, see if you meet someone? Sure, you could be a single mom... many single moms work their butts off to make that work when circumstances turn out that way. But I think few would have chosen to do it that way. Having two good parents can be a good thing for a child.
You posted this less than a month ago:
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
They say that these years, these college years, are supposed to be the best years of my life. Well, sadly, if that is true, I would rather be dead than to keep on existing.
To be honest, these past seven/eight months have been horrible, including a serious suicidal attempt, twice being put in a hospital and a "safe place", and my whole world has just fallen apart. At this point, I'm only existing, not living, and my life is so unfulfilling and pointless.
If you are not in a mentally stable place, then it's yet another reason (perhaps the most important reason) why you shouldn't be bringing an innocent child into the mix. This isn't to say never, but it is to say not right now. Keep going to therapy and stay on the meds if they're what your doctor recommends. You may not have gotten to the solution yet, but that doesn't mean it isn't out there.
This is a no judgement zone, so if you are going to judge, please leave.
For as long as I could remember, I was always the practical one, sacrificing my happiness to do what everyone has expected me to do, which is to go to college, etc. But lately, I'm not very happy with college and the college experience for plenty of reasons.
Recently, I was accepted into Nursing school, and while I still plan on going to Nursing school, my heart is just no longer into education. Even after all the bad things I have gone through, the thought of becoming a mother and having a baby lights me up. It is the only thought that makes me happy and keeps me going.
And before you ask, yes, I've been to therapy, yes, I've tried meds, but they only cover the symptoms and don't get into the root of the problem.
No, I'm not having a baby for the wrong reasons, and no, I am NOT romanticizing the idea of having a baby. I know they take work, but I'm lucky enough to have the money, love and patience to support a baby, and my school schedule, once the baby is born, will only consist of classes two days a week and plenty of time to work a job to support myself and my baby.
I'm just so sick of trying to do what society expects me to do, which is to go to college, get married, THEN have kids. Should I stay miserable and continue down the path that everyone expects me to do, or do what I want that I'm almost certain will make me happy?
If you don't want to get judged, you came to the wrong place. If you want honest opinions, we can give you that.
Honestly, I think you want this for all the wrong reasons.
Between taking classes and working, how much time would you get to spend with your child?
What kind of job could you get that would cover the cost of child care plus leave enough to live on?
If going to therapy and taking meds hasn't helped, having a baby isn't going to help either. It would more likely make your depression worse.
No judgement zone??? Then why post a question? Of course we're going to judge your circumstances and desires to give you a reasoned response to your question. Which I wont do. Since you don't want me to judge.
In 2009, you were in high school, and worked at McDonald's.
Then, you graduated high school, and have attended two years of local college on a part time basis, and work part time as a front desk office assistant.
You suffer depression severe enough that your doctor put you on meds, and that you, yourself, acknowledge that it's a problem, and that the meds only mask the symptoms but you still suffer the problem.
You're a black woman who believes black men aren't socio-economically equal to you.
You live with your mother.
And you want a baby? Really? And you don't want to be judged? For real?
How about, no.
How about, get over yourself, take your meds, forget about the notion that happiness comes in a dirty diaper. Finish school -or- find a full time job. Move out of your mom's house, experience life as a full-fledged independent adult for a few years. THEN have a baby.
In 2009, you were in high school, and worked at McDonald's.
Then, you graduated high school, and have attended two years of local college on a part time basis, and work part time as a front desk office assistant.
You suffer depression severe enough that your doctor put you on meds, and that you, yourself, acknowledge that it's a problem, and that the meds only mask the symptoms but you still suffer the problem.
You're a black woman who believes black men aren't socio-economically equal to you.
You live with your mother.
And you want a baby? Really? And you don't want to be judged? For real?
How about, no.
How about, get over yourself, take your meds, forget about the notion that happiness comes in a dirty diaper. Finish school -or- find a full time job. Move out of your mom's house, experience life as a full-fledged independent adult for a few years. THEN have a baby.
Oh my... now I see why people leave out pertinent details when they're looking for affirmations of their bad decisions.
Based on the information you have given and the info other posters have found about your situation in previous posts, you are NOT ready for a child. If you have depression, a child could make that much worse, not better.
You need to consentrate on getting yourself better before bringing another innocent person into the situation.
Am I going to get yelled at agin for telling someone being a voluntary single Mom is not a good idea?
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