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Old 06-11-2011, 12:43 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,065 posts, read 50,357,721 times
Reputation: 59866

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Actually, you, usually, don't need to know how your children stack up. You need to help them be THEIR best. Rarely does that require us to know where they stack up against others. The only time I can think of when it does matter is in vieing for scholarships and college entrance but even then, there are ways.

I just wanted to add that if you are comparing your children's performance, so are they. They really don't need the pressure of thinking they need to measure up to everyone elses expectations. It's hard enough living up to their own. I'm a high school teacher and the amount of stress I see in kids because they think they have to be in the group that is the best is sad. 17 year olds shouldn't have worry lines.
Can't rep, but the bolded says it all. That's what I taught my daughter--do YOUR best. She was in the top 15 percent of her high-school class, not No. 1, and that's fine. I have everything that I need, and those needs don't include the latest trendy car, tumbled-marble countertops or the biggest house on the street in a name-brand town. I hope to hell my daughter doesn't ever become a person who needs those things to feel successful either.

If you view the world as Dog-Eat-Dog-Without-Borders, and believe that the acquisition of wealth is the end-all and be-all goal of living, your children will definitely have problems, yes. Guaranteed.
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Old 06-11-2011, 12:52 PM
Status: "Autumn!" (set 28 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,916 posts, read 98,680,463 times
Reputation: 31331
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
I simply look at things differently. I have no issue with people being proud of their children and do not consider it bragging unless they tag their comments with something like.....comparisons to other people's children, or ask 'how about YOUR child?". That turns it from being proud to bragging, in my opinion.

To me there is no reason a parent shouldn't be proud of their child's accomplishments....whether it be academically, physically, socially or anything else. I want to hear you talk of your child in a positive manner, no matter what it is for.

planeedition....your niece is reading at a 10th grade level at age 7? That's fantastic! Just imagine the exploring via books she can do, how exciting!

sskkc...your son got into GT and both kids had straight A's? Way to go kids! Now he has an additional opportunity to broaden his horizons!

Ivory...your daughter wrote and performed her own music? That is awesome! Just think of the doors that may open for her as a song writer if she pursues it!

syracusa...your son is reading before starting Kindergarten? That is amazing! Knowing to read already will make the rest of Kindergarten so much easier since it all hinges on reading!

Perception can make such a difference.

It's amazing how people will start a thread/conversation about how they are so proud their child made A/B honor roll, or how thrilled they are that their child passed a class they thought would be failed and yet that's not considered bragging. However, if I add to the thread/conversation that my child made straight A's then I'm the braggart? Doesn't fly with me.

If your child was failing prior the end of a class and they passed...then you SHOULD be proud and be able to say so, just as I should be able to say how proud I am that my child made all A's.

It is one of those double standards in so many ways.
Child A potty trains at age 4 after a long rough ordeal and it's highly celebrated. But if Child B trained at 2 without much trouble then it's considered bragging?
Child C hit the ball for a base hit for the very first time at age 9 and let's party! But if Child D made it on a select team at 7 then everyone should roll their eyes?
Child E just read their first chapter book without any prodding at age 10 when they've never enjoyed books, so how wonderful that is! Yet if Child F was reading at age 3.....?

Be proud! If people take it as bragging, then it is on THEM.
I hear what you're saying, but I disagree somewhat. Does every conversation about the kids have to be about what they're excelling in? Do grades have to be brought up at all? Who cares when one's child read their first chapter book, or was potty trained?
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Old 06-11-2011, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,664,391 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
I simply look at things differently. I have no issue with people being proud of their children and do not consider it bragging unless they tag their comments with something like.....comparisons to other people's children, or ask 'how about YOUR child?". That turns it from being proud to bragging, in my opinion.

To me there is no reason a parent shouldn't be proud of their child's accomplishments....whether it be academically, physically, socially or anything else. I want to hear you talk of your child in a positive manner, no matter what it is for.

planeedition....your niece is reading at a 10th grade level at age 7? That's fantastic! Just imagine the exploring via books she can do, how exciting!

sskkc...your son got into GT and both kids had straight A's? Way to go kids! Now he has an additional opportunity to broaden his horizons!

Ivory...your daughter wrote and performed her own music? That is awesome! Just think of the doors that may open for her as a song writer if she pursues it!

syracusa...your son is reading before starting Kindergarten? That is amazing! Knowing to read already will make the rest of Kindergarten so much easier since it all hinges on reading!

Perception can make such a difference.

It's amazing how people will start a thread/conversation about how they are so proud their child made A/B honor roll, or how thrilled they are that their child passed a class they thought would be failed and yet that's not considered bragging. However, if I add to the thread/conversation that my child made straight A's then I'm the braggart? Doesn't fly with me.

If your child was failing prior the end of a class and they passed...then you SHOULD be proud and be able to say so, just as I should be able to say how proud I am that my child made all A's.

It is one of those double standards in so many ways.
Child A potty trains at age 4 after a long rough ordeal and it's highly celebrated. But if Child B trained at 2 without much trouble then it's considered bragging?
Child C hit the ball for a base hit for the very first time at age 9 and let's party! But if Child D made it on a select team at 7 then everyone should roll their eyes?
Child E just read their first chapter book without any prodding at age 10 when they've never enjoyed books, so how wonderful that is! Yet if Child F was reading at age 3.....?

Be proud! If people take it as bragging, then it is on THEM.
It's one thing to be proud. It's another to go around telling everyone else about your child's accomplishments. I can be proud of my dd without telling others what she does. My children's accomplishments aren't mine to brag about. In fact, my dd doesn't like it when her dad or I talk about how far ahead she is in school or her musical abilities. She just wants to be a normal kid. So, we don't talk about it. We just tell HER we're proud of her hard work.

OKAAAYY???? Why would one talk about when a child potty trained, unless they were looking for advice on how to potty train a child who was late potty training? What does when they potty train have to do with the price of tea in China? My younger dd potty trained herself by the time she was two. Why would that be anything I'd be telling others? It's something she did herself and it has, exactly, nothing to do with anything other than I didn't have to do diapers anymore. And we didn't celebrate her sister pottying training at 3 1/2 either. We just breathed a sigh of relief that she was going to get into pre-school after all....it was VERY close.

This is what I don't get. Why do parents go around talking about when their child walked, talked, rolled over, potty trained, learned to read, etc, etc, etc, when these things are developmental and mean nothing by themselves. The only time they need to be mentioned is when it's relevent. For example, the baby sitter needs to know the 2 year old is potty trained and the 3 year old is not.

People put way too much stock in what their children do. I have no more to do with dd#2 being accelerated than I have to do with dd#1 being average. They are who they are. They do what they do. It's no reflection on me unless I've failed to provide them with what they need. There is NOTHING I could do to make them better than they naturally are. All I do is what all parents do. I provide opportunties.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 06-11-2011 at 02:13 PM..
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Old 06-11-2011, 02:06 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,462 posts, read 42,612,337 times
Reputation: 57025
Since it's your niece, your brother probably thinks his sister would share his pride in his daughter's accomplishments. I wonder why you don't?
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Old 06-11-2011, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,664,391 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Since it's your niece, your brother probably thinks his sister would share his pride in his daughter's accomplishments. I wonder why you don't?

Good point. It's one thing to talk among family. We all want assurances that our neices and nephews are doing well and we want to know about their struggles in case we can help. Yes, I told my sisters when dd#2 potty trained herself before she was 2. I'd done diapers so long with her sister there was cause to celebrate, lol.

WRT my posts, I'm really talking about the mommy olympics I lived through when my kids were in grade school. It's funny how the mommy olympics change. It goes from my kids is the greatest to making excuses for why their kid isn't making the grade by high school. It's the sky's the limit for my kid in 1st grade and excuses why they can't do their lab reports in 11th . I wonder when it switches? I don't excuse my kids either. Their educations are their responsibility.
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Old 06-11-2011, 02:33 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,065 posts, read 50,357,721 times
Reputation: 59866
There was a really funny article I read a few years ago. It was a mother mocking those ridiculous Christmas letters people send out, telling how their kids were the best at everything, got the highest grades, were accepted to the premium schools, were captains of their teams, etc. She wrote about her son being in jail, her daughter dropping out of high school and being pregnant, etc. I wish I still had it.
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Old 06-11-2011, 03:01 PM
 
2,849 posts, read 3,963,697 times
Reputation: 3423
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Even that doesn't work in the mommy olympics. My dd played a piano piece she wrote as an audition piece for a fine arts camp and one of the other mothers actually went on line trying to find the piece to prove she didn't write it . I've never seen someone so frustrated. Sometimes, you just have to shake your head.

I have so many hilarious stories of the mommy olympics and it's not even limited to the kids.

When my dd was 3, I was waiting to pick her up from preschool and chatting with the other moms. Upon hearing I was a chemical enginer, one mom let out an exaperated sigh and said "I guess none of OUR kids will win science fair". I was standing there thinking "They're 3, why are you worried about science fair???".

Listen up people. Motherhood is not a competitive sport and we get no credit for our children's accomplishments. Fortunately, this also means we're not to blame for what they don't accompish either. (I have one at each end of the spectrum so I'm good with that ).

Anyway, how do you deal with a braggart? Compliment them/their child....or...have your kid show up their kid, lol. Either one will shut them up. If you agree that their child is exceptional, they have nothing left to say. If your kid shows up their kid, they have nothing left to say. It's really not worth it.
Hey, that's really great that your dd wrote her audition piece! And, you being a chemical engineer is very impressive too. Congrats!
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Old 06-11-2011, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,644,381 times
Reputation: 11309
As I type, my cousins in my enormous family, far and near, older and younger, are not even making 1/5th of my paycheck. Clearly, this is how their parents would have felt back in the day. This puts everything in perspective for me.

My Dad or mom are not of the advertising type, but to this day, these cousins and their parents don't even keep in touch. I guess every time they see me and my brother or think about us, they reflect upon themselves on their failed parenting or something, or the stunted abilities of their children. I haven't heard from some in as many as ten years.
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Old 06-11-2011, 04:02 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,458,067 times
Reputation: 4430
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
I hear what you're saying, but I disagree somewhat. Does every conversation about the kids have to be about what they're excelling in? Do grades have to be brought up at all? Who cares when one's child read their first chapter book, or was potty trained?
Oh I certainly agree not every conversation needs to be about excelling, even more so that they don't even have to be ABOUT the kids! lol

However, I see and hear this quite often. One mom will post on FB, for instance, how proud she is of her boys for making the A/B honor roll. Another will post how proud they are that their daughter made all A's. Later at the school the first mom will complain about the second mom bragging. I don't get it. The first was bragging as much as the second.....just be proud for each other. It's not hard.
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Old 06-11-2011, 04:08 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,458,067 times
Reputation: 4430
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
OKAAAYY???? Why would one talk about when a child potty trained, unless they were looking for advice on how to potty train a child who was late potty training? What does when they potty train have to do with the price of tea in China? My younger dd potty trained herself by the time she was two. Why would that be anything I'd be telling others? It's something she did herself and it has, exactly, nothing to do with anything other than I didn't have to do diapers anymore. And we didn't celebrate her sister pottying training at 3 1/2 either. We just breathed a sigh of relief that she was going to get into pre-school after all....it was VERY close.

This is what I don't get. Why do parents go around talking about when their child walked, talked, rolled over, potty trained, learned to read, etc, etc, etc, when these things are developmental and mean nothing by themselves. The only time they need to be mentioned is when it's relevent. For example, the baby sitter needs to know the 2 year old is potty trained and the 3 year old is not.
.
Because we all talk about what we are experiencing, in the present moment. Then others chime in with their experiences, especially if they are going through (or just recently went through) the same thing. Exactly what happens here on CD and in real life.
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