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If she was in an institution, this is standard behavior. Especially in Eastern European orphanages. Many times these children learned to hoard or steal just to survive. Definitely something you should take up with her doctor.
I can't get over the idea that in this day and age a doctor's office gives out chips and candy! What about stickers?
Really? A lollipop or a candy after a doctor visit is going to do long term damage? Have things really come to the point where doing this is unacceptable?
I am one of those parents who use food as a reward. Going out for ice cream, making cookies and brownies, are usually reserved for a job well done or a special occasion. Easter, Halloween, and other occasions when she gets a whole bucketful of candy, I put it away and distribute one or two after daycare. If I just let her eat candy and junk at her own free will, that's all she would ever eat. And so far, I don't see a eating disorder in the making. She understands the difference between healthy food and junk food, and that she can't eat too much junk. I think having healthy, normal restrictions on junk intake, without excluding it all together or making a huge deal about it, shouldn't cause problems.
There's nothing wrong with limiting junk food. It's using it as a reward (and/or punishment) that can cause eating disorders. Junk food can be limited naturally without associating good or bad feelings with it.
What you're describing doesn't sound like using food as a reward. Surely you are baking cookies for a "job well done" for more for exceptional situations, like a fantastic report card, not a reward for merely meeting daily behavior expectations. And you are giving out Halloween candy as a routine snack, not basing it on daily behavior. And almost everyone has junk food on special occasions, that's not really using junk food as a reward.
I think there's a big difference between that and what the OP describes. She has a behavior chart were they earn food rewards (and other things). I don't care how much you call a system a "reward" system, it's a punishment system to not get something based on behavior. And there is nothing wrong with punishing a child for bad behavior----it's just that doing so with food can cause some serious problems that sometimes don't show up until later in life.
Just a bit of fun with our 8-year-old who can't seem to stop her impulses.
Latest was a candy from the doctor's office. She gets one reward and asked if she could have chips. I said yes. Unfortunately, she had seen Whoppers and REALLY wanted those. Instead of asking, she hid them in her hand while carrying the chips.
Obviously, this is just the latest example.
We use a system of credits and rewards, so she's penalized when she does this kind of thing, but not sure what else might 'get through' to her that this is not right.
We happened to be on the way to the courthouse when we discovered this situation. After concluding our business, we popped into the sheriff's office. The undersheriff sat her down and explained jail life to her. Wearing orange jumpsuits, no privacy on the toilet, and bologna sandwiches 2x day had some impact on her!
We'll see, but I thought I would ask if anyone else had an 'A-ha' moment with their child that got them out of this phase!
if I were in your situation, what I'd do is figure out some item she really likes a lot- like one of her favorite toys- sneak it away & hide it. then when she gets all frantic about her missing toy, I'd come clean & return it to her & say that's how people feel when something that belongs to them gets stolen. I think the child could relate to it from her own perspective & her own feelings.
Well, now I see...these kids were obviously in a "catch-22". They probably only got things when they stole them, so that is their idea of acceptable behavior. It is diffcult to "re-wire" that type of thinking. It is hard behavior to change, because that is how they think.
Be consistent. If the kids are in SPED at school add this behavior to the IEP, there are cognitive behavior teaching plans to address this behavior.
I remember years ago taking a child psychology class where we discussed children who steal. I'll never forget what the professor said: "Often children who steal are trying to steal back a person or time that has been stolen or lost from them". In other words they are trying to take back because something or someone was taken from them. What you will find interesting is to look carefully at what she takes and from whom. Taking something from the therapist's office is significant. Make sure to bring that up with him or her. I think when the underlying issues/trauma have been addressed you will see a reduction in this "stealing" behavior. Good luck.
As for my own case, as far as I know my daughter doesn't take things. When she was about 3 she took some TicTacs from a store and proudly showed them to me when we got outside. I was very casual about it and told her we had to go back and return them, which we did. The store owner thought she was cute and told her to keep them, but I insisted that she couldn't have them. That was the end. Sometimes it's better to not react too much.
I remember years ago taking a child psychology class where we discussed children who steal. I'll never forget what the professor said: "Often children who steal are trying to steal back a person or time that has been stolen or lost from them". In other words they are trying to take back because something or someone was taken from them. What you will find interesting is to look carefully at what she takes and from whom. Taking something from the therapist's office is significant. Make sure to bring that up with him or her. I think when the underlying issues/trauma have been addressed you will see a reduction in this "stealing" behavior. Good luck.
That's really interesting! You motivated me to do some research. I found some other interesting stuff:
Quote:
If stealing is persistent or accompanied by other problem behaviors or symptoms, the stealing may be a sign of more serious problems in the child's emotional development or problems in the family. Children who repeatedly steal may also have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. Rather than feeling guilty, they may blame the behavior on others, arguing that, "Since they refuse to give me what I need, I will take it." These children would benefit from an evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
Wait till she's nicked a mars bar and then have the sherif arrive lights and sirens and drag her off to the jail. That 'ill lern 'her
I know you're joking. Since she already had law enforcement talk to the girl, I fear the OP might take you seriously. LOL
Something like that might fullfill some sort of need for attention. It's better to be calm and walk them back into the store to return it and apologize to the owner.
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Going out for ice cream, making cookies and brownies, are usually reserved for a job well done or a special occasion. Easter, Halloween, and other occasions when she gets a whole bucketful of candy, I put it away and distribute one or two after daycare. If I just let her eat candy and junk at her own free will, that's all she would ever eat. And so far, I don't see a eating disorder in the making. She understands the difference between healthy food and junk food, and that she can't eat too much junk. I think having healthy, normal restrictions on junk intake, without excluding it all together or making a huge deal about it, shouldn't cause problems.
