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Old 06-18-2011, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,119 posts, read 99,277,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
if it means she'll get written up or something, I don't think she should do that.
I don't think the OP should take off work w/o permission. However, I've worked for some pretty mean bosses, and generally the worst that will happen if you ask for time off and they don't want to give it to you, they'll say "No". They might not say it nicely, but if they're not nice people, they're just not nice all the time.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:38 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,828,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
I don't think the OP should take off work w/o permission. However, I've worked for some pretty mean bosses, and generally the worst that will happen if you ask for time off and they don't want to give it to you, they'll say "No". They might not say it nicely, but if they're not nice people, they're just not nice all the time.
It depends on the nature of her job. She's doing shift work, and the very few details that she's given, gives me a sense that she might be working retail or call center or other customer service work. If it's retail or direct c-serv, then the boss needs to know he can rely on his crew.

If the boss already has given her vacation time this week, then he needs to know she can be relied on -not- to ask for more time off this week. The shift has to be covered, and every time one person doesn't show up, someone else has to do their own job and the job of whoever isn't there. One cashier has to serve the customers of two cashiers; one burger-flipper has to flip enough burgers for two burger-flippers. One waitress has to double up on tables, etc. etc. etc. This can not only cause resentment (she already HAS a vacation, and now she wants another day too? The nerve! is what her co-workers will think), but it makes the boss hesitant to pick her for the better hours in the future, because he'll think she's just going to try and get out of them anyway.

That obviously isn't the case, but it is the perception, and in customer service and retail, perception is everything.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:42 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,119 posts, read 99,277,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
It depends on the nature of her job. She's doing shift work, and the very few details that she's given, gives me a sense that she might be working retail or call center or other customer service work. If it's retail or direct c-serv, then the boss needs to know he can rely on his crew.

If the boss already has given her vacation time this week, then he needs to know she can be relied on -not- to ask for more time off this week. The shift has to be covered, and every time one person doesn't show up, someone else has to do their own job and the job of whoever isn't there. One cashier has to serve the customers of two cashiers; one burger-flipper has to flip enough burgers for two burger-flippers. One waitress has to double up on tables, etc. etc. etc. This can not only cause resentment (she already HAS a vacation, and now she wants another day too? The nerve! is what her co-workers will think), but it makes the boss hesitant to pick her for the better hours in the future, because he'll think she's just going to try and get out of them anyway.

That obviously isn't the case, but it is the perception, and in customer service and retail, perception is everything.
I"ve done plenty of shift work in nursing. I know what shift work is like, and with more resonsibility than the above. However, I HAVE had supervisors who will let someone come in late, or take a longer lunch, etc on rare occasions, on the theory that we all have things come up. Also, graduation dates are generally known well in advance.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:49 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,393,648 times
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You say your mother can't take no for an answer. But you did't really say no. You just give excuses and then implied you "might" by saying you didn't ask your boss "yet."

Passive people annoy me. Everyone's lives would be much easier if people could just say no IMO.

There is nothing wrong with say "No, I don't want to attend. I'd rather use my vacation time for other things. If you want me to attend so badly you can schedule it for a day I'm not working. Otherwise, I won't be attending because I'm not taking time off for this. I don't want to."

Try being direct sometime. You'll be amazed that this nonesense doesn't go on and on for days. If your mother pouts, let her pout. She's going to pout anyway.

As for the mass email, just respond with your regrets. No big deal. All of the invitees aren't "expecting you there" simply because you were invited. You're TOO WORRIED about what other people think.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:52 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,119 posts, read 99,277,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
You say your mother can't take no for an answer. But you did't really say no. You just give excuses and then implied you "might" by saying you didn't ask your boss "yet."

Passive people annoy me. Everyone's lives would be much easier if people could just say no IMO.

There is nothing wrong with say "No, I don't want to attend. I'd rather use my vacation time for other things. If you want me to attend so badly you can schedule it for a day I'm not working. Otherwise, I won't be attending because I'm not taking time off for this. I don't want to."

Try being direct sometime. You'll be amazed that this nonesense doesn't go on and on for days. If your mother pouts, let her pout. She's going to pout anyway.
The graduation is scheduled when it is scheduled, which apparently is a Monday.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:55 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
The graduation is scheduled when it is scheduled, which apparently is a Monday.
I'm sure she means lunch, and I'm sure mom wants it Monday because of the boyfriend's parents. I'm also pretty sure mom is trying to create the picture of a close, happy family for boyfriend's parents. I'm also pretty sure this is not a close happy family, or the OP would be attending at least the graduation, if not lunch. They should do something to celebrate when dad is back in town and the OP is available, and forget about trying to impress the boyfriend's family.

ETA, in general, I think a sibling, in town, should attend a graduation ceremony and lunch. It's just the right thing to do. But I don't know the background of the OP, or her relationship with her sister, or how long ago she was told about the grad, or how important her plans later in the week are. I think it is pretty obvious that the OP doesn't want to go for whatever reason. I don't know that she should fake it.
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
The graduation is scheduled when it is scheduled, which apparently is a Monday.
The graduation "celebration" doesn't have to be the same day of the graduation.

Regardless, the main point of my post was that the OP needs to learn how to say no without making excuses.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I'm sure she means lunch, and I'm sure mom wants it Monday because of the boyfriend's parents. I'm also pretty sure mom is trying to create the picture of a close, happy family for boyfriend's parents. I'm also pretty sure this is not a close happy family, or the OP would be attending at least the graduation, if not lunch. They should do something to celebrate when dad is back in town and the OP is available, and forget about trying to impress the boyfriend's family.
Yep. And I don't blame the OP for not wanting to take vacation for this, but he needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself, stop being evasive.
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,119 posts, read 99,277,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I'm sure she means lunch, and I'm sure mom wants it Monday because of the boyfriend's parents. I'm also pretty sure mom is trying to create the picture of a close, happy family for boyfriend's parents. I'm also pretty sure this is not a close happy family, or the OP would be attending at least the graduation, if not lunch. They should do something to celebrate when dad is back in town and the OP is available, and forget about trying to impress the boyfriend's family.
Since the sister's bf's family is from out of town, they are only available for a short time. They have actually made the effort to go to the graduation, including taking a trip. Now the mom could have set up a dinner instead, or something at a time when the OP could come, assuming the OP is willing to be a bit flexible. Dad's being out of town complicates things further, but it's probably best not to get into why he didn't work out something to be at his daughter's graduation. I guess I'm just thinking, this is a college graduation. It is when it is. It's a one time thing. (I know, it's a second degree for the sis, but you only get one graduation per degree.) People are coming from out of town. Everyone should try to be a little more flexible and put their power struggles aside for a few hours anyway.
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:10 PM
 
Location: here
24,491 posts, read 28,893,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
Since the sister's bf's family is from out of town, they are only available for a short time. They have actually made the effort to go to the graduation, including taking a trip. Now the mom could have set up a dinner instead, or something at a time when the OP could come, assuming the OP is willing to be a bit flexible. Dad's being out of town complicates things further, but it's probably best not to get into why he didn't work out something to be at his daughter's graduation. I guess I'm just thinking, this is a college graduation. It is when it is. It's a one time thing. (I know, it's a second degree for the sis, but you only get one graduation per degree.) People are coming from out of town. Everyone should try to be a little more flexible and put their power struggles aside for a few hours anyway.
I agree. I think showing up is important.
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:21 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,393,648 times
Reputation: 30270
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
Since the sister's bf's family is from out of town, they are only available for a short time. They have actually made the effort to go to the graduation, including taking a trip. Now the mom could have set up a dinner instead, or something at a time when the OP could come, assuming the OP is willing to be a bit flexible. Dad's being out of town complicates things further, but it's probably best not to get into why he didn't work out something to be at his daughter's graduation. I guess I'm just thinking, this is a college graduation. It is when it is. It's a one time thing. (I know, it's a second degree for the sis, but you only get one graduation per degree.) People are coming from out of town. Everyone should try to be a little more flexible and put their power struggles aside for a few hours anyway.
First, we don't even know if the bf's parents are coming for the sister's graduation or for their own son's graduation.

Second, the OP does not want to go. That's a darn good enough reason. he doesn't have to go to everything his family wants. There are so many "one time" things families have. My coworker and her husband was always busy on weekends with family obligations---graduation parties, baby showers, wedding showers, weddings. This year, they put their foot down and told both sets of parents that they would NOT be attending these events in the future. They would make time for whichever events they chose and they wouldn't give into pressure.
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