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Here it is down front, say to your mom, my appliances are in fine working order and I don't want or need to buy new ones. Key to the whole thing, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to say the word, NO to those you love.
So true! If your Mom buys you all new appliances ~ then she has that much more control over you. It's a very nice way of maintaining control and ensuring that you will continue to do her bidding.
Better nip that in the bud now. OR, if you are taking a lot of money from your Mom - better be nicer!
I know all about family to-do's ~ we had millions of them. And no excuse was acceptable. Moving away helped that situation.
But don'tcha know that now I miss them on Holidays?
It's a fine balancing act to be nice to your parents ~ yet not let them control your every move. You are going to have to grow up a little bit and quit playing these mind games with your Mom.
Uh oh...I just checked my cell phone and guess what? A missed call from none other than my mom!
Her voicemail was not about Monday, it was about tomorrow. She asked if I wanted to go appliance shopping with her. She doesn't think the used fridge+stove I bought last year are worth moving to another apartment. If I say yes, I'm sure she'll corner and pressure me into the Monday event.
She's expecting a call back tomorrow.
The question is, do you think they're worth moving? They're your appliances, you bought them, it's your decision. You have to use them, not your mom.
It's your work life, it's your boss, it's your decision. If you feel it's detrimental to your job to even ask about time off, then don't. Trust your instincts. Tell your mother no. Tell her your job is more important, unless she feels like paying your rent. (Actually don't say that, it sounds like she might ).
If she keeps pressuring you, tell her to stop. Tell her outright. And if she doesn't, then ignore her, and don't let it bother you in your own head. You are giving her too much power over you. Only you can put a stop to it.
I wouldn't go appliance shopping with her. It just gives her more reason to treat you like child, and not leave you to make your own choices.
Half of this thing is that you have to act like a grown up, if you want her to accept that you are indeed a grown up.
What do you mean is she going to bribe me? She thinks my choice of appliances (I bought them last year for $400 for the pair) was bad and she wants to help pay for newer ones. And no, appliances don't come with the rental.
"I just bought you appliances. Don't you think you should go to your sister's graduation?" You'd owe her one. cut the cord. Say "no, thanks. the appliances I have are fine."
The question is, do you think they're worth moving? They're your appliances, you bought them, it's your decision. You have to use them, not your mom.
I wouldn't go appliance shopping with her. It just gives her more reason to treat you like child, and not leave you to make your own choices.
Half of this thing is that you have to act like a grown up, if you want her to accept that you are indeed a grown up.
The appliances are older almond color and while the stove works fine, the fridge has some trouble maintaining temperature in the summer heat even on max. Plus some passages were blocked last year so it leaked water (the technicians from where I bought it from came to fix it), it uses freon and the fan still squeaks now and then. The squeaking and the fact it doesn't really get cold enough are annoying. So the fridge is on its way out. If I replace the fridge and get a more modern white one it would look out of place with the almond colored stove.
So mom thinks that it's best to leave current appliances behind/sell them to the new tenant who's moving in here / or on craigslist, etc. The problem is my landlord went on vacation and is non responsive to my email asking her to pass along my contact info to the new tenant.
I realize that going shopping with my Mom gives her more power/control over me, treating me like I'm her dependent. She still buys me clothes now and then...not that I ask her to do so, she just does it, for example she asks my pants size and got 2 pairs of dress pants recently, some socks, etc. Mom does seem to enjoy taking care of people - Dad says that's what she does... her former job was in health care.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305
"I just bought you appliances. Don't you think you should go to your sister's graduation?" You'd owe her one. cut the cord. Say "no, thanks. the appliances I have are fine."
I hear what you're saying kb0305. Mom will no doubt bring up the graduation. I'll feel guilty for declining to go to the event (even if I have to work) while she took time to go shopping with me.
IMO, you should make some effort to be with your sister, her bf, his parents, etc, on her graduation day, even if it's not at the ceremony or luncheon. However, that has nothing to do with the other problems. I wouldn't worry so much about the appliances not matching. You wouldn't be the first to have non-matching colors in your kitchen. Some appliance stores will haul the old fridge away when they deliver the new one.
Update! Mom just called again and I missed the call, so called back..I know I had to.
First thing she asked me was what I was planning today, did I want to go shopping for the appliances? I replied that I didn't sleep well and wanted to take it easy today, I don't think I need them, I just spent $400 last year and will just keep the current ones. She of course countered that what I have is old...that last year I was in a rush (true) and bought stuff in a hurry, maybe not the best ones for the money (true). She also said that if we buy other ones (new or refurbished), they could be delivered whereas my mover will charge $50 to move the old appliances...why spend money to move old stuff when they could be replaced? Plus a chain store has a sale this week so we should check it out..
I answered that while she has a point, I didn't feel like going shopping today, I'm worn out, etc...
She then offered to go out and order them herself! I was livid at that point and said, no way Mom, please don't go order them yourself (she'd probably overspend anyway).
Then she said she wanted to come over and pack some boxes. That I don't have a lot of time and even if I was feeling run down, I could lie in bed while she packs.
I replied no thanks mom, today's my day off and you don't need to come help me pack.
She then replied, "well you can't stay home inside all day and do nothing..you have to move soon and it's nice outside! Tell me what you want to do? I'll give you an hour and come pick you up..."
Wow, she just doesn't give up does she?
I finally put my foot down and told her that since it's my day off, I was planning to take it easy, I don't know what I'll do but that she should just do whatever she wants to do today as long as it doesn't involve waiting by the phone for my call.
The conversation ended with her saying fine, maybe you'll call me later and we'll see.
---
So yay! I think I finally took some control back. But the appliances shopping and helping me pack issues aren't dead yet and mom may offer to help again on those fronts. I don't mind getting help packing, it's a big tedious job and she's good at that - so I may take her up on it. I'll have to see what I do about the fridge another day.
Surprisingly she didn't even bring up the grad ceremony/lunch.
IMO, you should make some effort to be with your sister, her bf, his parents, etc, on her graduation day, even if it's not at the ceremony or luncheon.
As mentioned, Mom says sis doesn't want to meet later that same day, so it's either show up to the ceremony/lunch on Monday or not see her at all that day.
As mentioned, Mom says sis doesn't want to meet later that same day, so it's either show up to the ceremony/lunch on Monday or not see her at all that day.
As mentioned, Mom says sis doesn't want to meet later that same day, so it's either show up to the ceremony/lunch on Monday or not see her at all that day.
Sounds like the sister is trying to limit her time with the mother too.
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