Holding your Child back a year before starting school.

[gentlearts]

Originally Posted by Stone28

Here's a little backround information on our little family. I have two children, a boy who just turned 3 and a girl who is 18 mounths. My son is an August baby. We have not done any pretesting on him. He's not going to nursery school until January because He is not potty trained yet. We really don't know what were going to do yet as far as holding him back a year. My Aunt who is a professional educater recommended that because he is a summer born boy he would be at an advantage both physically and academicly. And although I do agree with what cil said "a little struggle builds a lot of charactor'. I was at best an average student who struggled throughout all my school years. It didn't build charactor for me. I would say yes a Little struggle builds charactor, but, a lot of struggle is a burden on child and can lead a child down the wrong path.

I'd like to thank everyone for their opinion's. All the opposing view points have given me more insight and I appreciate all of them.

It's just way too early to know. I presume there is a pre admittance to kindergarten screening in the spring before he turns 6. They will tell you if he is way ready, might not be ready, or no way is he ready. If you have any doubt at all, don't hesitate to wait a year, there really is no down side to doing this. Believe me, this is way far down on the list of things you need to spend a lot of time fretting about.

[ElkHunter]

My son, who at the time, was in 3rd grade. He was doing well. Top of his class. And he came to me and the wife and said, "I'm in the wrong grade." We said, "Huh?" He said, I'm the youngest in the class and when I go out to play, I play with the 2nd graders." We were dumbfounded. He's not old enough to make that kind of call. So we visited with his teacher and she said he is doing outstanding, but he relates to the kids that are a year behind him. We bounced this around for about a year. Finally, we decided to set him back. Our biggest fear was that he would be bored and not get a challenge. He did fine. He excelled and was friends with everyone in his class. Now he's a Marine in Iraq.

[summers19]

I have another year to decide, but I have two boys who are 20 months apart in age. My five year old is starting Kindergarten this year. My second boy turns 4 in Sept. and our state's cutoff date is Sept. 30. So he COULD start Kindergarten next year, just one year behind my first born.
Here's the dilemma,
My second born is quick witted, very verbal, very smart, and very loud and hyper. My first born more laid back, quieter, and introspective. If I JUST had to think about my second born, I'd put him in K next year so he'd be a young one. But don't I also have to think about my family dynamics? The two boys don't get along very well, and having two school years apart would be beneficial to both boys, but especially beneficial to my oldest. I think my younger would overshadow him academically and socially in the long run if he was only one grade behind him.
What does anyone think about this?

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by summers19

I have another year to decide, but I have two boys who are 20 months apart in age. My five year old is starting Kindergarten this year. My second boy turns 4 in Sept. and our state's cutoff date is Sept. 30. So he COULD start Kindergarten next year, just one year behind my first born.
Here's the dilemma,
My second born is quick witted, very verbal, very smart, and very loud and hyper. My first born more laid back, quieter, and introspective. If I JUST had to think about my second born, I'd put him in K next year so he'd be a young one. But don't I also have to think about my family dynamics? The two boys don't get along very well, and having two school years apart would be beneficial to both boys, but especially beneficial to my oldest. I think my younger would overshadow him academically and socially in the long run if he was only one grade behind him.
What does anyone think about this?

I wouldnt even worry about the overshadowing..I am sure that each and everyone of us surprised our parents about something when we were kids..we just didnt know it or remembered it! My kids daughter are "irish twin" and the I cant remember..but one or the other was off the cuttoff..she managed to get them in...and they are a year apart in grade level (2cnd and 1rst). Her little on is the louder one as well. There is NO overshadowing that I see..sure there are different personalities..but nothing that an outsider would consider weird.

I dont think you should hold him back because he might take over academically..in fact...you should root and cheer him on! And who is to say that that would happen anyway? You may be creating a self fulfilling destiny without knowing it...labeling your oldest before he get a chance to even develop himselves.

I say stick them both in...they will be fine..and take each trouble or battle as it comes.

[gentlearts]

Children are individuals. Each child's own needs should dictate the plan, not family dynamics.

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by mom2gurls

I wouldnt even worry about the overshadowing..I am sure that each and everyone of us surprised our parents about something when we were kids..we just didnt know it or remembered it! My friends kids daughter are "irish twin" and the I cant remember..but one or the other was off the cuttoff..she managed to get them in...and they are a year apart in grade level (2cnd and 1rst). Her little on is the louder one as well. There is NO overshadowing that I see..sure there are different personalities..but nothing that an outsider would consider weird.

I dont think you should hold him back because he might take over academically..in fact...you should root and cheer him on! And who is to say that that would happen anyway? You may be creating a self fulfilling destiny without knowing it...labeling your oldest before he get a chance to even develop himselves.

I say stick them both in...they will be fine..and take each trouble or battle as it comes.

Just editing that MY FRIENDS KIDS..not my kids are irish twins and they were fine!

[Stone28]

Originally Posted by summers19

I have another year to decide, but I have two boys who are 20 months apart in age. My five year old is starting Kindergarten this year. My second boy turns 4 in Sept. and our state's cutoff date is Sept. 30. So he COULD start Kindergarten next year, just one year behind my first born.
Here's the dilemma,
My second born is quick witted, very verbal, very smart, and very loud and hyper. My first born more laid back, quieter, and introspective. If I JUST had to think about my second born, I'd put him in K next year so he'd be a young one. But don't I also have to think about my family dynamics? The two boys don't get along very well, and having two school years apart would be beneficial to both boys, but especially beneficial to my oldest. I think my younger would overshadow him academically and socially in the long run if he was only one grade behind him.
What does anyone think about this?

I'm kind of in the same boat Summers19. I have a summer born boy, who, if I hold back will only be one grade ahead of my daughter.

From my own personal experiance. I had a sister who was one year behind me and we fought like cats and dogs when we were young. Then when we got to the teen years we grew up and put our differences behind us. We then had the same group of friends and it really made us close. Even though we had a few spats over the years I look back and think. If things were different when we grew up would we be this close? To this day we have get togethers with our old friends and their familys at her house.

It really is a tough decision to make. Were leaning toward holding our son back, we feel it is in his best intrest. The way we look at it. A child that is born in January will be 18 when he graduates. And a child that is born in the summer and held back a year will be 18 when he graduates. I think it is very unfair of people to assume that when you hold back your child you want to keep them home to coddle them. I also think its unfair that people assume that the parents want to get them out of the house so they can both go out and work.

One good thing is we both have a good amount of time to decide........