Holding your Child back a year before starting school. (party, baby, parents)

[Stone28]

I have heard from people that holding back your child a year before starting school gives them an advantage. Has anyone held their child back? And if so, do you believe they benefited?

I'm really on the fence on this issue. On one hand I can see then benefit of a child being more mature and on the other hand I have also heard that a child absorbs the most information between the ages of 3 and 7.

[Padgett2]

A lot depends on when the birthday falls. Will the child be the youngest in the class? Then there's a lot to be said for holding him back, especially if he is small for his age.

On the other hand, it's not good for him to be the oldest or the biggest either. so in that case, holding him back would not be a good idea.

Plan ahead. Will he be 16 or 19 when he finishes 12 grades? That means he will be starting college at 17 or 20.

[gardener34]

Sometimes I wish I did this, as my son had maturity problems, as he has a late birthday (late June) and he is small for his age.

Although every teacher I asked advised me not to hold him back... sometimes I feel like was I being played for a chump and the school districts only are worrying about their own backs though...

He is OK now - just got through 4th grade - but grades 1-2-and 3 were a HUGE struggle. Now he seems OK though. I did not realize it since he is our oldest, that they really tend to push hard academically where we live.

People tend to do that with boys now. It is very common.

I would recommend it if you think he is not mature enough. You can't really go wrong - later it will be harder.

[BlueWillowPlate]

Obviously it depends on a lot of variables.

When my oldest was getting ready for elementary school, Sept 15 was the cutoff for a child to be 5, and ready for kindergarten.
It became very trendy to automatically, with no scrutiny of their developmental progress or learning potential, hold back summer birthday boys. Both my boys are July birthdays, I did not hold them back, and never regretted it--they did fine academically and socially. I actually think my older son would have had a worse time if I had held him back.
Some children of either gender really do benefit by it. I myself might have benefited from it, my birthday is Oct 30 and the cutoff back then was Dec 31st. I was a very shy child.
OTOH
I have seen kids who have been held back who became prima donnas who expect everything, from team sports to final exams, to always be easy.
There *is* such a thing as too much self esteem.
A little struggle can build a lot of character.

[tiffela74]

I think it depends a lot on the kid too. Here, in the district we were in, they have to be 5 by Spt 1st. Well, our oldest was born Spt. 8th. We probably could have petitioned her in, but she was born at 27weeks, and so was smaller and a bit behind still then anyhow, theres no way she could have delt w/school at that point. We waited, and are happy w/our choice.She really benifited from holding her back that extra year. Our son, he is a Dec. 1stbaby, and his preschool actually approached us and said where as it was very highly unusual for them to do this, they wanted to write a letter of recommendation to have him start school early. At 4, he was already reading small books, doing double digit add/subtract, and working on multiplications. (didnt get that from me! lol) anyhow, we thought about it, but decided against it, and started him at the regular time, due to social skills. He is in w/kids his own age, but does most of the TAG programs. Plus, we work w/him at home too, so he's getting what he needs academically, and he is happy/healthy socially w/kids his own age. Its worked out great for us. our youngest, well, shes going to be 6 at Halloween, and just starting Kg. Seems to be thrilled and Im sure she'll do fine. Really, I think you have to base it on whats going to be best for your child. We've been approached about moving our son up a grade, skipping 2nd grade completely, but we were against it because he would have been miserable w/kids that much older than him. You gotta think socially for them too.
anyhow, thats just my experiences w/it. Best of luck,
Tiffany

[CityGirl72]

My son was born in June and the cut off was Sept 1. But most of his kindergarten friends were already 6!!! He was the youngest and the smallest at age 5.

Our problem was immaturity. My son was assessed when he started Kindergarten at reading and math levels of a 2nd grader (remember he was the youngest student!!) He really really needed school. I just couldn't imagine him being bored one more year in preschool.

BUt he just did not know how to communicate and socialize. He hardly had any friends. It is hard to watch.

[Padgett2]

Sometimes it's one of those things that no matter what you do, at some point you wonder if you made a mistake.

A mature child needs to start with his age group. An inmature child creates another problem. Sometimes it takes a third party such as a pedicatrician to help with the decision. Mothers aren't always the best ones to decide if a child is mature enough. I know I wasn't!!!! They weren't mature to go off to college either. And certainly not mature enough to get married!!LOL

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by cil

Obviously it depends on a lot of variables.

When my oldest was getting ready for elementary school, Sept 15 was the cutoff for a child to be 5, and ready for kindergarten.
It became very trendy to automatically, with no scrutiny of their developmental progress or learning potential, hold back summer birthday boys. Both my boys are July birthdays, I did not hold them back, and never regretted it--they did fine academically and socially. I actually think my older son would have had a worse time if I had held him back.
Some children of either gender really do benefit by it. I myself might have benefited from it, my birthday is Oct 30 and the cutoff back then was Dec 31st. I was a very shy child.
OTOH
I have seen kids who have been held back who became prima donnas who expect everything, from team sports to final exams, to always be easy.
There *is* such a thing as too much self esteem.
A little struggle can build a lot of character.

Totally agree..since when did it become fashionable to hold kids back so mommie could coddle them for an extra year? I have a girlfriend who hasnt potty trained her son on purpose so she doesnt have to send him to nursery school..because she isnt ready to let him go. WTF? I have another friend who walks her children..every single day...to the first grade classroom and makes sure that the twins are sitting in their seats before she leaves...she is the ultimate helicopter parent...always hovering around the school..is involved with everyone elses business, the PTA, has random meetings with the principals and has openly stated to a group of moms (I was there)..that "how sad is it for you ladies that your husbands are not home by 5 pm dinners?). Needless to say, we all laughed it off and and said "We are doing fine thank you very much june cleaver".

And ironically in both these cases its boys..so I dont know if its a gender thing.

But I too have seen the trendiness of coddling these days, holding the kids back, not letting them experience preschool..because 3 hours away from mom is too traumatic, or even there is something that I have seen that is called a "bridge program" that transitions preschool and kindergarten..so if you are too mature for preschool and not yet for kindergarten..you spend a year bridging...that is also a bunch of nonsense. And they always claim maturity is an issue. Only a parent knows their child best and can determine if in fact that should have held them back. Personally I wouldnt even consider it...unless they were flunking out or needed academic and social help..both of which can be remedies with some one on one adult time..and also some private tutoring if need be.

[kaykay]

I think maturity of the individual child is a big issue. I did see an article in the newspaper just yesterday, however, which quoted a study of valedictorians. The upshot was that the ones who did the best academically were the ones, in general, who were the oldest in the class. Just a thought!

[mom2gurls]

If there is a real valid reason for holding back that I dont have a problem with it. But growing up , (I am in my 30's) and to be held back...basically meant that your child was a flunkie..and I didnt see it happen that often..probably because the parents and teacher caught things right away.

Now along with mental therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, peanut allergies, holding kids back, maturity... because johnny isnt walking when timmy is walking (at the the ripe old age of 12 months)...or sally is 20 words and judy is only saying 10...

I mean come on...ask a child of the 80's or 90's...stuff like that didnt even exist..isnt a wonder now that we have a million different allergies going on in the world too..peanut, lactose intollerant, acid reflux...LOL

What the heck is happening to our kids...are they being raised to delicate these days?