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Old 06-23-2011, 05:40 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,764,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
I agree that the whole thing sounded tramautic for the little girl. I hope this doesn't color her view of all doctors' for future visits.
Nah, I don't think it will if the mom keeps calm about the whole thing. If the OP treats the whole thing like a horrible incident and the 5 year old picks up on it, then I would imagine that it will leave an impression. My peditrician at least is very businesslike when she checks the nether regions. My kids (8 and 11) are a bit embarrassed but she always says something like, "Just a quick check to see if everything is okay." Thank goodness she always did the exams. My poor son (adopted internationally) had a problem down there that eventually led to him being circumcised when he was about 5 or 6 ish. Did he like everyone looking there? Certainly not. When he goes to the doc's for his annual, he will usually ask something like, "Will we get shots?" That is about it.

Both my kids faced pretty traumatic doctor/dentist office visits when they were very young and new in the country with us. First doc's visit, they both got ALL their shots because we didn't have any immunization records. My 4 year old daugther had to be restrained in the dentist's chair in the rooms reserved for the special needs kids for her first dental exam. My 15 month old son was more easy going but then had to be shuttled away for emergency surgery a few days later (a horrible infection that the dentist noticed). Their first time medical experiences were absolutely horrible and traumatic. The good news is that they rebounded and are the calmest patients now at the doc/dentist. It all comes down to attitude and keeping calm about the whole situation.

Just my two cents from a mom that went through some really horrible stuff when my kids were first home with us.
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Old 06-23-2011, 08:24 AM
 
12,425 posts, read 14,553,508 times
Reputation: 14122
This is in response to you Ceece............I don't think kids can be forced to learn not to be shy around a docter....as you obviously learned with your son Ceece.....I don't think my doc is a perv at all ,never said he was...but I'm also quite capable of seeing and deciding whether I need their opinions as to whether my childs genitalia are "normal" or not.....Grown women have a hard time(most hate it actually) going to their doctors for their annual pap smear, and pelvic exam....it's downright cruel to force your little ones to go through that embarrassment when there's no call for it.....Oh, and by the way Ceece.....my sex life is fantastic, exciting, frequent and never boring...as for my intelligence?...what you think is of absolutely NO interest to me.
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Old 06-23-2011, 10:46 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,883,731 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNomus View Post
This post from the OP is what made me believe the doctor had to force her legs apart, and in an earlier post the OP stated that the little girl cried when asked to remove just her undershirt. So it appears, to me, that this was a very humiliating, and very unnecessary, experience for this little girl to go through.
The doc asked me to hold her legs. This was a female doctor...my daughter had refused to go to her usual pediatrician because she didn't want a male doctor anymore, so we found her a female to go to.

I apologized to my daughter for letting the doctor examine her when she was so scared. She seems to have moved on from the incident. We'll probably have issues the next time she has a checkup, but my daughter is a complicated little person, and we always have issues of one kind or another.
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:56 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,638,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
The doc asked me to hold her legs. This was a female doctor...my daughter had refused to go to her usual pediatrician because she didn't want a male doctor anymore, so we found her a female to go to.

I apologized to my daughter for letting the doctor examine her when she was so scared. She seems to have moved on from the incident. We'll probably have issues the next time she has a checkup, but my daughter is a complicated little person, and we always have issues of one kind or another.
I hate to even think of this and it's probably not the case... but is there any possibility there could be a reason she might suddenly be fearful of men? Given this new piece of information and her strong reaction to being examined... I hope it's nothing and she might just be naturally very modest and got scared by all the people in the room, but it might be worth paying attention to going forward, just in case she has another unexpected reaction you can't explain. Hopefully it never comes up again.

Last edited by h886; 06-23-2011 at 12:30 PM..
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,790,469 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I apologized to my daughter for letting the doctor examine her when she was so scared. She seems to have moved on from the incident. We'll probably have issues the next time she has a checkup, but my daughter is a complicated little person, and we always have issues of one kind or another.
I'm sorry this caused your daughter so much anxiety. I'm not sure apologizing is really the right action IMO, I would probably have explained it more. The trouble comes when someone absolutely has to examine your child, be it their ears or whatever, and they can't. My only other suggestion would be to make sure the person who accompanies her to visits is the calmest person, and not necessarily the rescuer. I am my daughters rescuer, she always looks to me to fix things, and make everything right. She is much calmer with my DH in reality, and if I think she is overly anxious about something, sometimes it's better for her emotionally to be accompanied by him. I don't know if that makes sense or not?
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,965 posts, read 98,795,031 times
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I'll add an experience from real life. My daughter was 14, getting a sports physical. She was gowned, and apparently was wearing a thong. (Sorry if this embarrasses you guys on the thread.) The doctor noticed a huge mole on her lower abdomen, usually covered by panties, swimsuit, etc. She told me it should be removed. Now DD had had this mole since she was a baby, but I hadn't seen it since I helped her take a bath as a little girl. It apparently had grown. We had it taken off; it was melanoma. So a skin check is another reason for looking at one's "privates".
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:28 PM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,907,081 times
Reputation: 24725
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
This is in response to you Ceece............I don't think kids can be forced to learn not to be shy around a docter....as you obviously learned with your son Ceece.....I don't think my doc is a perv at all ,never said he was...but I'm also quite capable of seeing and deciding whether I need their opinions as to whether my childs genitalia are "normal" or not.....Grown women have a hard time(most hate it actually) going to their doctors for their annual pap smear, and pelvic exam....it's downright cruel to force your little ones to go through that embarrassment when there's no call for it.....Oh, and by the way Ceece.....my sex life is fantastic, exciting, frequent and never boring...as for my intelligence?...what you think is of absolutely NO interest to me.
You may think you are capable but that only goes so far, but the Dr's career depends on knowing what is going on with their patient. I said noting should be FORCED, but even then there are times medical force is necessary on a child when there is an actual problem. I ask you: Why have a routine checkup for anything ever if you are so f'ing capable? I'm sure you can look at everything and can tell if you kid is sick can't you? The melanoma thing posted above is just ONE issue that Dr's have to cover, let them do their jobs or find one who doesn't believe in looking at anything under clothing or whatever.
As far as my son goes, he went when he was older and found a lump and had no choice and worried himself sick for months before he told anyone. If the Dr had checked she might have seen it and explained it on the spot. Kids need to know to talk to their Dr's and not be intimidated, mommy wont be looking at their pirvates forever. And I don't care about your sex life fool.

Last edited by Ceece; 06-23-2011 at 12:37 PM..
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,790,469 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
I'll add an experience from real life. My daughter was 14, getting a sports physical. She was gowned, and apparently was wearing a thong. (Sorry if this embarrasses you guys on the thread.) The doctor noticed a huge mole on her lower abdomen, usually covered by panties, swimsuit, etc. She told me it should be removed. Now DD had had this mole since she was a baby, but I hadn't seen it since I helped her take a bath as a little girl. It apparently had grown. We had it taken off; it was melanoma. So a skin check is another reason for looking at one's "privates".
Very scary experience Kat. That just goes to show you think you know your kids bodies, but that's not always the case.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:46 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,883,731 times
Reputation: 25110
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
I hate to even think of this and it's probably not the case... but is there any possibility there could be a reason she might suddenly be fearful of men? Given this new piece of information and her strong reaction to being examined... I hope it's nothing and she might just be naturally very modest and got scared by all the people in the room, but it might be worth paying attention to going forward, just in case she has another unexpected reaction you can't explain. Hopefully it never comes up again.
She's never been away from me, except when she was at school. Never left with a babysitter (except for my sister in my home), never left at a relative's house. They don't go play at a friend's house unless I go with them.

There was an incident at the beginning of the year where a little boy walked in when she was on the toilet and she was afraid to use the toilet at school after that until we arranged with the teacher that another little girl would stand outside the bathroom door, but I don't think a bathroom mishap like that would translate to a fear of men.

My kiddo has always had issues. The extreme modesty is just one of them. She's got a problem with washing her hands too often when she's worried about something (she did it until her hands cracked and bled just before kindergarten ended, probably washing 100 times a day), she's oddly superstitious sometimes (she didn't want to wear a dress with black polka dots to a wedding because she didn't want to give the bride bad luck), when she gets a new toy she worries that someone will break into the house and steal it, etc. My sister and dad have similiar issues sometimes, but I'm hoping my daughter will grow out of it. My sister does the hand-washing thing too but at my house she just uses hand sanitizer every five minutes.

Anyhow, I did think maybe the doctor thought it was odd that DD had such a problem taking off her undershirt, and wouldn't see a male doctor anymore (we had explained why we were switching from the doctor she'd seen since she was born), and that maybe the doctor suspected some sort of abuse and was checking for it. That's why I didn't tell the doctor she couldn't examine that part of DD...I was afraid it would seem like we were covering something up.
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Old 06-23-2011, 02:06 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,965 posts, read 98,795,031 times
Reputation: 31376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Very scary experience Kat. That just goes to show you think you know your kids bodies, but that's not always the case.
Yes, it was scary. She had the mole removed, had some more extensive surgery, and is now fine. It's been almost 10 years.
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