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Old 06-22-2011, 02:42 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,108,313 times
Reputation: 3287

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I really haven't seen much of them in the last year and a half. It was about a year and a half ago that ddil decided for any one of six excuses, er, reasons that my girls were no longer going to baby sit for her (later it was found out that she had started seeing old boyfriends, as friends she says, so I'm guessing this was a move to keep dss from finding out). There's been one reason or another for us not to see them since then. I had to make an appointment to bring over Christmas presents.

So I was right you dont love them..I've never seen my nieces baby...she lives in Delaware..but I love her baby so much..
Its not about the DIL..its about the kids..

Last edited by JustJulia; 06-23-2011 at 08:48 AM.. Reason: Deleted personal attack.

 
Old 06-22-2011, 02:46 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 28,233,752 times
Reputation: 32139
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27 View Post
Dewy..when I was living with my mother in law..her son and I were divorced..I lived with her for 2 months before I found a place..the kids and I.. I had 2 kids that werent her sons' kids the 4 older ones were his..She treated the other 2 like they were her grandkids too..they called her grandma too..even the brothers Uncles ( my ex's brothers )
When we all had our children..our mom was happy..she loved having lots of grandkids...she always made room if we were squished visiting her..we were squished together...my mom didnt owe us anything but she gave us love...I owe all my grandkids love no matter how many I may have..
This impresses me so much. Your MIL could have turned it into an ugly situation. YOU could have turned it into an ugly situation. Instead everyone found a way to expand their hearts and their lives. Which could only benefit the grandchildren. Every day I read something that reaffirms my faith in people. Today that's reading this.

Life doesn't come all neat and tidy. People have to deal with death and divorce and remarriage and a new definition of what family is. You can either want to or not want to.

I think all of this is pretty sad. I think kids benefit from a LOT of people loving them. Even when the child comes from a family (or parents) no one wants to deal with. (It's not the kids' fault that Mom and Ivory don't get along.) I'd sit and talk with the mother and work something out. For the sake of the kids.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,377 posts, read 28,849,202 times
Reputation: 14395
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27 View Post
So I was right you dont love them..I've never seen my nieces baby...she lives in Delaware..but I love her baby so much..
Its not about the DIL..its about the kids.
You can't love a child you haven't seen. You love the image of a child you imagine.

Last edited by JustJulia; 06-23-2011 at 01:11 PM.. Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 02:48 PM
 
11,554 posts, read 19,141,853 times
Reputation: 11894
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
It is a big deal when you can't seat 4 kids in your car!!! To take all four kids and my two, I'd have to strap one kid to the roof and leave dh home. So, it's a big deal. I would need an 8 passenger vehicle to take dh, myself, my kids and her kids anywhere. A seven passenger van if I left dh home. My van seats six...safely, including me (the seventh seating position has only a lap belt so I won't use it). What am I supposed to do? Rent a van every time we want to take them somewhere? Or do I just leave my kids at home?
Just take 2 at a time then. You have to decide if you want a relationship with them or not. If you want one, make it happen. If you don't want one then be honest about that. If you are just going to hang out at your house take the 4 grandchildren back to your house and hang out there.

Does your oldest drive? If so you can take 2 cars. She can drive herself and her sister. If you want a relationship with these kids you can make it happen. My MIL lives 1500 miles away from us and she has a relationship with our kids. Surely you can make it happen from 2 miles away.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,377 posts, read 28,849,202 times
Reputation: 14395
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Just take 2 at a time then. You have to decide if you want a relationship with them or not. If you want one, make it happen. If you don't want one then be honest about that. If you are just going to hang out at your house take the 4 grandchildren back to your house and hang out there.

Does your oldest drive? If so you can take 2 cars. She can drive herself and her sister. If you want a relationship with these kids you can make it happen. My MIL lives 1500 miles away from us and she has a relationship with our kids. Surely you can make it happen from 2 miles away.
I would like one. I'm just not sure I can have one. Part of me wonders what's next if I do what she wants? I wouldn't put it past her to pull that away if she saw it was something I wanted. I think as long as she thinks she's making me do something I don't want to do, it would be ok but if she thought it was what I wanted, I think it would end.

Seriously, I think the only reason the offer to take two kids on a rotating schedule stands is she thinks I won't take her up on it. She knows how busy my life is. I think she's offered something unattainable thinking I won't bite and she's off the hook.

Here's what I know. I do not want my daughters to have a relationship with her. I do want my daughters to have a relationship with their brother's children. I would like to see them once in a while. I do not trust ddil.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 03:00 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,108,313 times
Reputation: 3287
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
You can't love a child you haven't seen. You love the image of a child you imagine.
Are you serious..do you actually think I cant love a child I havent seen..how wrong you are.

Last edited by JustJulia; 06-23-2011 at 01:12 PM.. Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 03:01 PM
 
Location: here
24,035 posts, read 27,591,512 times
Reputation: 29575
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
It is a big deal when you can't seat 4 kids in your car!!! To take all four kids and my two, I'd have to strap one kid to the roof and leave dh home. So, it's a big deal. I would need an 8 passenger vehicle to take dh, myself, my kids and her kids anywhere. A seven passenger van if I left dh home. My van seats six...safely, including me (the seventh seating position has only a lap belt so I won't use it). What am I supposed to do? Rent a van every time we want to take them somewhere? Or do I just leave my kids at home?
you said having all 5 overwhelms you. you said not all 5 will fit in your car. She has offered for you to take 2 at a time, but you don't want that either. WTF DO you want??? Like it or not, the parents set the guidelines for seeing the grand kids, not he grandma. If you want to see any of them, you will do it on her terms. It is fairly obvious you don't want to see them.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 03:06 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,262 posts, read 33,365,432 times
Reputation: 20198
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27 View Post
So I was right you dont love them..I've never seen my nieces baby...she lives in Delaware..but I love her baby so much..
Its not about the DIL..its about the kids.
Where are you getting that, from IT's post? IT has said she has TRIED to visit, and was put off by the daughter-in-law. It IS about the DIL, because it is the DIL who is the parent to the children IT is trying to visit. DIL decides who gets to visit, and who doesn't. DIL has decided that IT isn't on the list.

UNLESS IT takes only two of them, and for longer than just a couple of hours. DIL is running the show. Which is her prerogative, since she's their mom. HOWEVER - IT is not obligated to obey, nor is IT obligated to feel guilty for not complying with DIL's demands for weekly babysitting of two out of the 5 grandchildren and not being allowed to even see the newest of the five.

IT didn't sign up to be these kids' grandmother. She WANTS to actually BE one, but she has an obligation to her own children, one of whom has special needs. It sounds like the DIL doesn't really care if her 5 kids have a relationship with IT, as long as IT is available for mandatory babysitting duty. And IT doesn't want to be a doormat. DIL is using her children to exert control over people.

Personally if it were me, I'd tell beloved step-son to get his sorry butt home and handle his family, before CPS handles it for him.

Last edited by JustJulia; 06-23-2011 at 01:13 PM..
 
Old 06-22-2011, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,377 posts, read 28,849,202 times
Reputation: 14395
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
you said having all 5 overwhelms you. you said not all 5 will fit in your car. She has offered for you to take 2 at a time, but you don't want that either. WTF DO you want??? Like it or not, the parents set the guidelines for seeing the grand kids, not he grandma. If you want to see any of them, you will do it on her terms. It is fairly obvious you don't want to see them.
My preference would be for either them to come over for dinner or us to visit them. I don't mind taking the kids a couple of times in the summer but I'm just too busy to do that with any regularity. When I was a kid, mom packed us up and we went to visit our grandparents. THAT's what I want. My mom never treated my grandmother like a baby sitter. We went to visit her because she meant something to us.

What's being suggested does not fit with our lifestyle and ddil knows it. THAT is why it is what is being suggested. This isn't about relationships. It's about free baby sitting on a regular basis and making others bow to your demands. The problem is, even if I wanted to, I can't keep it up for any length of time. Then what happens? With two of my own and a full time job, I'd be lucky if I could swing taking two grand kids every other month. And there would be times when I said I would but something happened and I couldn't at the last minute. Sometimes, I think I'm going to have a weekend free and then I have a lesson plan flop or my students bomb a test and I have to do a retest and I'm in scramble mode.
 
Old 06-22-2011, 03:09 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,108,313 times
Reputation: 3287
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
Where are you getting that, from IT's post? IT has said she has TRIED to visit, and was put off by the daughter-in-law. It IS about the DIL, because it is the DIL who is the parent to the children IT is trying to visit. DIL decides who gets to visit, and who doesn't. DIL has decided that IT isn't on the list.

UNLESS IT takes only two of them, and for longer than just a couple of hours. DIL is running the show. Which is her prerogative, since she's their mom. HOWEVER - IT is not obligated to obey, nor is IT obligated to feel guilty for not complying with DIL's demands for weekly babysitting of two out of the 5 grandchildren and not being allowed to even see the newest of the five.

IT didn't sign up to be these kids' grandmother. She WANTS to actually BE one, but she has an obligation to her own children, one of whom has special needs. It sounds like the DIL doesn't really care if her 5 kids have a relationship with IT, as long as IT is available for mandatory babysitting duty. And IT doesn't want to be a doormat. DIL is using her children to exert control over people.

Personally if it were me, I'd tell beloved step-son to get his sorry butt home and handle his family, before CPS handles it for him.
Oh please she hasnt tried to visit those kids...and no she dont want to be a grandmother....what does cps have to do with anything?
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