Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Dss has not been home since the baby's birth. When I did go over to see the baby, he was asleep and I wasn't allowed to see him. I'm not sure what you're expecting here.
A second attempt to go over to their house wouldn't have been out of line, considering that you live two miles down the road.
To make no genuine effort in 3 months since the baby was born would be hurtful. And yes, I would consider "oops baby was asleep so I never try again" to be no genuine effort.
It doesn't matter what I expect. I'm just telling you how I'd feel if someone was 2 miles away and didn't make it over *somehow* to see the kid in three months.
I have good reason for not visiting without dss home to act as mediator. Trust me, ANYTHING I say without witnesses is subject to being misrepresented and plastered on facebook. Dss made her appologize to dh for what she posted about me but she has never appologized to me. I visit when dss is home to act as witness to any conversations. He took time off when the baby was born so he hasn't been home lately.
I really don't think the baby cares if I've seen him or not and I have a feeling he'd be sleeping if I did go. I'm hoping dss is home for the 4th and will bring the kids over.
I have good reason for not visiting without dss home to act as mediator. Trust me, ANYTHING I say without witnesses is subject to being misrepresented and plastered on facebook. Dss made her appologize to dh for what she posted about me but she has never appologized to me. I visit when dss is home to act as witness to any conversations. He took time off when the baby was born so he hasn't been home lately.
I really don't think the baby cares if I've seen him or not and I have a feeling he'd be sleeping if I did go. I'm hoping dss is home for the 4th and will bring the kids over.
All the more reasons to make it about the kids and not about their parents. If my wife and I were going through hard times and both acting like buttheads, I can assure you that there would be 2 sets of grandparents swooping in to make sure the kids still had some stability.
Messed up situation. How about instead of dealing with the parents, you make it about the kids. With everything going on they could probably use grandmom in their life and most of them would probably kill for a little one-on-one time and attention.
How about you offer to take 1 or 2 at a time on a rotating basis on your schedule to do something fun with them. You get to spend time with your grandkids, they get some individual attention and get to do something fun and your DIL gets a break from watching all five kids.
FWIW, I agree with Stan4 on the three months thing. Honestly, the kid was born, it's your grandchild and you live 2 miles away. There is no way that it simply wasn't possible for you to stop by to see him. I'd be pretty pissed at you too.
THIS is what she wants. A regular schedule where I pick up one or two kids and take them for the day. I can do it during the summer but I can't during the school year. The questions is do I start something I know I can't continue?
As to the three months, it's not my fault dss has been gone that long. He travels extensively for work and I do not visit without witnesses after the events last year.
Can you bring your DH or your DD with you to meet the baby? That way you would have a "witness".
Good point. This is your stepson, right? Where is your DH in this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
THIS is what she wants. A regular schedule where I pick up one or two kids and take them for the day. I can do it during the summer but I can't during the school year. The questions is do I start something I know I can't continue?
I don't think that matters. They are all school-age children, so they are in school during the day, too. I presume that weekends would be family time and she wouldn't expect you to pick them up on a regular basis for the day.
THIS is what she wants. A regular schedule where I pick up one or two kids and take them for the day. I can do it during the summer but I can't during the school year. The questions is do I start something I know I can't continue?
As to the three months, it's not my fault dss has been gone that long. He travels extensively for work and I do not visit without witnesses after the events last year.
Do it for the summer and explain to both the parents AND the kids, that you can really only do it in the summer. The kids aren't going to grow up resentful that you only spent time with them in the summer, but they may grow up resentful if you never spent anytime with them at all. Besides they will be going to school/activities during the school year as well.
Good point. This is your stepson, right? Where is your DH in this?
Not caring to have anything to do with her. Neither one of us wants to visit without dss home. I wish I could post the crap she posted about me last year. She called me an abusive mother, said she and dss had been taking bets for years as to when my girls would beg to move in with them, referred to me as the monster in law and proudly posted how she'd, publically, trashed me...
Dss made her appologize to dh but she has never so much as spoken to me since then. I've been instructed to have all communication go through dss. Dh just wants to stay out of this mess. Dss just wants peace at home. I can understand him choosing to terminate his relationshp with me rather than make her appologize because he has to live with her. I don't. Dh just listens to dss vent about her when he does come over. It's a pretty messed up situation. The question is should I try taking the kids on a rotating schedule knowing full well I will not be able to continue doing so in the fall. One question is what will she tell her kids when I stop visiting because the school year has started, I'm back to work and have my hands full juggling my own kids and a full time job?
Her mom does the rotating schedule for the entire year. She takes the kids on the weekends dss is not home.
Your question seems to be what are you obligated to do. And I guess you are not obligated to see or have a relationship with your grandchildren. What is sad to me is that you don't even seem to want to see them. You say that the baby doesn't care if you've seen her yet or not, but why don't you care to see the baby?
PS - My mom still had two teenagers in the house when I had kids, lives 40 miles away, and still managed to see her grandkids about twice per month.
The question is should I try taking the kids on a rotating schedule knowing full well I will not be able to continue doing so in the fall.
Yes!
Quote:
One question is what will she tell her kids when I stop visiting because the school year has started, I'm back to work and have my hands full juggling my own kids and a full time job?
If you spend time with them throughout the summer you can tell them yourself that you won't have as much time once school starts up to see them. You can still have the kids over for dinner once a month or once every two months (not the parents, just the kids). It doesn't have to be all or nothing does it?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm hoping dss is home for the 4th and will bring the kids over.
