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My step son and his wife had baby #5 back in March. Apparently, they're ticked off with us for not helping with the kids . I, seriously, have no interest in yet another baby. I feel like this is a rerun. We've done this 4 times before. (They are planning #6 BTW) So I'm not at all excited about this baby nor do I feel a need to go visit. Their 5 kids kind of overwhelm me. I feel like I can't give any of then adequate attention because there are so many of them plus I have two teenaged daugthers of my own at home to keep track of. I feel like I just don't have time for so many kids so I choose to just not be involved on a regular basis. I'm content to see them on birthdays and Christmas. Of course my step son and his wife think this makes me a lousy grandma.
I'm also a bit nervous about dd#1 being around ddil. I'm convinced my dil has babies to get attention. I have a dd who is going after boys for attention....we don't need to go there....
I'm curious as to how others would handle this? Is it ok to be a long distance grandma when you live 2 miles away? One thing to consider is that I am a teacher and I'm off for the summer. So, for now, I do have time. In September, I'd disappear though because I just don't have time with two kids of my own once school starts. I chase my tail from September until mid June.
I'm feeling kind of guilty that the baby is 3 months old and I haven't even seen him (had parent teacher conferences the week he was born and he and his mom were asleep when I came to visit after his birth).
Wow I dont know what to say...
My mom has tons of grandkids..Im glad she never once told any of us I'm not excited about that baby
I guess you have no love for them since they aren't your biological children..
It shouldnt matter if baby number 100...each child should feel special
Im not saying you should help if you dont want too..but to have an attitude an act like the child doesn't matter is what gets me the wrong way..
Why would a man marry you when you have this attitude towards his grandkids..
I say stay away from them your negative attitude does them no favors
If the point is to develop a relatioship with each child, I would have to spend enough time with each child to develop a relationship. I do see it as all or nothing. If I'm not going to be able to spend enough time to foster a relationship, I might as well visit on birthdays and at Christmas (that is 6 times a year right there).
They're little kids! An hour or two is a very long time to a kid that age. Plenty of time to spend with a Grandma they hardly know.
All or nothing thinking may mean you end up with nothing? If you can be happy with that...
You have a teenage daughter sewing her oats and a gaggle of children at your disposal. Put two and two together here. A teenager being around a ton of wild kids is bound to dissuade her a bit from sexual activity.
I'm with the others...I feel really sad that you are 2 miles away and make no effort.
Ivory - it seems to me by reading your responses to posts that you have made up your mind and just want validation that you are right in staying away.
I grew up with my grandmother 3 houses down. Rarely saw her. She seemed inconvenienced and we picked up on that - especially the older we got. It's sad because as we grew older we really didn't know her that well. There were 4 of us kids.
Our other grandmother lived in town - about 45 minutes away. Best grandmother ever. Once a year she would take two of us and we'd spend the weekend with her. She'd take us somewhere special and the best part - she had a tub - we could take bubble baths! That was a big deal. We saw her more often than once a year, but we really remembered those weekends each year that she focused on us.
You seem to have it in your head that you need to do things all at once (to get it over with maybe?) or it all has to be even stevens with the kids. But it doesn't have to be that way - and if they know that eventually they will get their turn, they won't care.
I guess I just can't imagine living that close and still not having seen the baby. I would be hurt as well.
As I said, I did visit but the baby was sleeping and I wasn't allowed to see him. I don't control when he naps. I was unable to go to the hospital because of parent teacher conferences. A grandchild being born is not considered emergency enough for me to not be there for my student's parents.
I saw my grandmother, maybe 6 times a year and had a great relationship with her. She did take us for a couple of days in the summer and I remember those fondly but we didn't visit her a lot and she didn't take us a lot. We visited her every couple of months. I'd be fine with them coming over for dinner once a month and taking the kids for a couple of days in the summer.
You have a teenage daughter sewing her oats and a gaggle of children at your disposal. Put two and two together here. A teenager being around a ton of wild kids is bound to dissuade her a bit from sexual activity.
I'm with the others...I feel really sad that you are 2 miles away and make no effort.
Actually, no. She likes the attention she gets from having the children out in public. It would have the opposite effect. It would encourage her to have one of her own. One reason I don't want her around DDIL is that I believe DDIL has babies just to get attention. I don't need dd following in her footsteps.
And it's not no effort. I do invite them over, she just doesn't come. I'd visit but I'm not welcome to. The effort I'm willing to make isn't acceptable. The question is should I be willing to do what she wants? Hence the question what do you owe a child who has a large family? Is the fact that my door is open enough? I'm more than willing to cook dinner for them and have them over for the afternoon.
im wondering if she would feel the same way about the grandkids if they were not her step-sons kids?!?!?!?! would you be the same way if it was one of your daughters that had the kids??
im not saying you have to be over at the house spending every moment with the kids but im sure you could have found sometime in the last 3 months to see the baby1
my kids know how it feels to have a grandparent that is close by and wants hardly anything to do with them, and it doesnt only hurt the kids but the parents as well.
im wondering if she would feel the same way about the grandkids if they were not her step-sons kids?!?!?!?! would you be the same way if it was one of your daughters that had the kids??
im not saying you have to be over at the house spending every moment with the kids but im sure you could have found sometime in the last 3 months to see the baby1
my kids know how it feels to have a grandparent that is close by and wants hardly anything to do with them, and it doesnt only hurt the kids but the parents as well.
I'd like to think my daughter would visit me with her kids and accept me coming by to visit instead of telling me to pick up a couple of kids and leave. And, assuming we can, successfully, navigate the next few years with dd#1 , I'll likely be retired by the time my girls have kids. I, certainly, won't have kids of my own at home even if I am still working so I expect to have more time to devote to grand kids.
To my knowledge, Dss hasn't been home since the baby was born so I have not been over. I don't visit without dss to act as mediator. I've been accused of things I did not do and been, publically (facebook) slammed by ddil. Dh also will not visit without dss present for the same reason. Fortunately,l the baby is too young to care. The older kids are not.
Actually, no. She likes the attention she gets from having the children out in public. It would have the opposite effect. It would encourage her to have one of her own. One reason I don't want her around DDIL is that I believe DDIL has babies just to get attention. I don't need dd following in her footsteps.
And it's not no effort. I do invite them over, she just doesn't come. I'd visit but I'm not welcome to. The effort I'm willing to make isn't acceptable. The question is should I be willing to do what she wants? Hence the question what do you owe a child who has a large family? Is the fact that my door is open enough? I'm more than willing to cook dinner for them and have them over for the afternoon.
So stay at home with the kids and make her care for them on her own. She's old enough.
I don't know, I am probably not the best for advice in this situation. My mother died when my kids were young and I would give anything for them to have grown up with her. They adored her as much as I adored my Nana. I can't imagine not wanting that relationship. At all.
As I said, I did visit but the baby was sleeping and I wasn't allowed to see him. I don't control when he naps. I was unable to go to the hospital because of parent teacher conferences. A grandchild being born is not considered emergency enough for me to not be there for my student's parents.
How long do parent teacher conferences last? Surely she was in the hospital for more then a few hours. If not, you've had 3 months to see the baby. My baby naps and I don't wake her up for visitors but everyone in my family has managed to find time to meet her multiple times and they all have jobs and they all live more then 2 miles from my house. Imagine that!
And it's not no effort. I do invite them over, she just doesn't come. I'd visit but I'm not welcome to. The effort I'm willing to make isn't acceptable. The question is should I be willing to do what she wants? Hence the question what do you owe a child who has a large family? Is the fact that my door is open enough? I'm more than willing to cook dinner for them and have them over for the afternoon.
Just go get them yourself! I'm sorry. I haven't been following your other threads. How old are the older four children?
I will say - I don't know the history on any of this, but I don't think your DIL is behaving all that well, either, if you can't come over to her house and stay for a while.
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. I, seriously, have no interest in yet another baby. I feel like this is a rerun. We've done this 4 times before. (They are planning #6 BTW) So I'm not at all excited about this baby nor do I feel a need to go visit. Their 5 kids kind of overwhelm me. I feel like I can't give any of then adequate attention because there are so many of them plus I have two teenaged daugthers of my own at home to keep track of. I feel like I just don't have time for so many kids so I choose to just not be involved on a regular basis. I'm content to see them on birthdays and Christmas. Of course my step son and his wife think this makes me a lousy grandma. 
