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Parenting is a team issue. You need a marriage counselor. You don't ground a child without dicussing it as a team first--that was your first mistake.
The issue with grounding is that it is more work to implement it than it is to say it. If you were not going to be the one home to enforce it, you should not have done it.
So, now, as a team, discuss posslble summer school to pass the class.
Get over it, you over reacted the punishment in a fit, now you are having a hissy fit for losing face. Get over it.
I never grounded kids, it is way too much work to deal with all summer long. And unreasonable.
I wonder if the OP's wife posed as him in this thread to get ammunition for herself! Why else would he not come back? Maybe his son attacked him or he died of a heart attack having a fit over his son's academics.
You are a fake. If you were real, I would hope that you would be attacked by 100 killer bees and 30 man-eating pirrahnas and 45 cannibals and 15 wild boars. That is what someone deserves for grounding a kid all summer I don't have the energy to read your entire post or this thread.
I wonder if the OP's wife posed as him in this thread to get ammunition for herself! Why else would he not come back? Maybe his son attacked him or he died of a heart attack having a fit over his son's academics.
You might have something there. Call me sexist, but the wording in the thread title just doesn't sound like a man wrote it...especially the "Need parenting help" part.
Reading the post, the Dad is obviously a structured disciplinarian and strongly feels that his approach is the right approach, especially since it's been in place for a number of years with positive results. Now that the system has created marital and familial conflict, he's asking for help? Somehow this just doesn't wash as a post from a father and husband who strongly believes that what he was doing was right. I think the wife took over the keyboard.
Parenting is a team issue. You need a marriage counselor. You don't ground a child without dicussing it as a team first--that was your first mistake.
The issue with grounding is that it is more work to implement it than it is to say it. If you were not going to be the one home to enforce it, you should not have done it.
So, now, as a team, discuss posslble summer school to pass the class.
Get over it, you over reacted the punishment in a fit, now you are having a hissy fit for losing face. Get over it.
I never grounded kids, it is way too much work to deal with all summer long. And unreasonable.
Well, now, I disagree with the bold. If the parents are in agreement on "groundable offenses", I think either parent should be able to ground w/o a family powow. The old "wait until your father gets home" is not good discipline.
I agree that long groundings are a lot of work to enforce, plus, once you've grounded the kid, you're essentially out of options until the grounding is over. I would ground from an activity rather than for a length of time.
But, if you expect the other person to be the "enforcer" of the grounding...you better discuss it as a team.
My kids, if they did something that merited punishment, knew that they had to wait, until the "tribe" had spoken...that actually makes it worse, because they sit in their room, waiting for the ax to fall. Then it also gives you time to think about the punishment, rather than go off if you are really angry.
Kids HATE it when parents are a team on everything! They would much rather split, and complain. Nope, does not work that way in our family...and I have been divorced for over ten years.
My kids, if they did something that merited punishment, knew that they had to wait, until the "tribe" had spoken...that actually makes it worse, because they sit in their room, waiting for the ax to fall. Then it also gives you time to think about the punishment, rather than go off if you are really angry.
Kids HATE it when parents are a team on everything! They would much rather split, and complain. Nope, does not work that way in our family...and I have been divorced for over ten years.
Your post confuses me. You claim it's the best way to parent, yet you are divorced. Apparently your marriage didn't survive it. Whatever.
We didn't parent with the "wait until your mother/father/tribe comes home." We had set discipline agreement. There was no reason to discuss each and every time. Our children couldn't divide us. Hubby and I backed each other up 100%.
It's easy to do if parents agree ahead of time. Another benefit to agreeing ahead of time is there is no reason to be worried about "going off angrily" because following set parameters is based on a logical plan, not emotions.
I hear that you are looking for feedback about the fact your wife is not supporting your G4G punishment program and that it worked for you until your son failed math at the end of 9th grade. I agree that the G4G system is severe. However your motives appeared good as your goal appeared to get the children to study. Often children who fear getting in trouble will not ask for help. This seems to be how G4G failed. I did not hear anything in your post about your children being invited to come to you for a tutor or support. That should be taken into consideration since the tutor is helping.
Some of the things that you are doing are emotionally abusive and will create problems with your children and their relationships with one another. Discipline is designed to motivate a child to change their behavior. Having your children "share" what they have will cause a problem with the child that is punished. It would different if you were forced to hear ever peers employee evaluation and watch them be rewarded. It was tension and hard feelings.
My approach is different but somewhat the same in removing distractions so the kids can be successful.
In my family the children get $10.00 for an "A"; $5.00 for a "B"; and $3.00 for "C". They pay me $5.00 for a "D" and $ 10.00 for a "F"! All money earned is spent on books at the school book fair or book store. I also have a tutor for my 9th grader and 8th grader. The tutor has told the girls they are the best read students she has ever had. An for my 1st grade son he has all "E's". I created a plan where my children love books and love to read. I have to admit is was by accident.
My daughter came to me, in tears the first time she started to struggle in 9th grade. She was confused and had studied but was failing. I quickly checked in and learned she was struggling and that she needed help. I offered help, and also created a plan with the tutor regarding her study schedule. The plan required a lot of work, and limiting her plug in time, social time and reading was also limited. She is also a wonderful artists but was limited to school projects. She ended the year with all "A" on her final exams and made high honor roll the last two semesters. She is ready for 10th grade. My 8th grader managed to keep above a 3.0 but I sent her to summer school for math after seeing how challenging the transition to 9th grade is. I felt it would be helpful for her. She is getting guitar lessons for a job well done.
The children are self motivated. They want to do well. They learned how good success feels and I support them. The only problem is this all costs money. Money well spent as my daughter applied for a scholarship and as accepted for a Marine Biology Program. Hard work paid off. The scholarship was far greater than what I paid the tutor. The limits were very much same, with support and compassion.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
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I don't have the energy to read your entire post or this thread.