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I would not mind being a housewife,in fact I think it is the perfect life for me. I am already not going to attend college. Might as well marry now and have children.
what are you going to do if you end up divorced or widowed and have to pay for your own home?
I don't know if I should find this offensive or not. OP, I can understand EXACTLY where you are coming from? Why? Because two-three years ago I was in a similar boat as you. I was a senior in undergrad completing my degree, working an internship and a part time job, and completely devoted to setting up my future so that I could A) secure a great paying job after college B)SAVE SAVE SAVE C)Get married to the boyfriend I was with at the time and D)Have children roughly around 27/28(the time that I predicted I would be financially ready for children).
I also had grown up in a very upper class area, and having an education, NOT having children before being married or without an education was(and still is) the norm. And yet like you, I witnessed many of my peers in college getting pregnant and having babies, and found myself wondering "why". At the time I looked down on them--as I did--friends I knew that had kids without an education (that were clearly on government assistance). I FELT sad for them.
But later on, I realized that it was a bit of envy. You see--I didn't necessarily WANT to have children and be a college drop-out. I wasn't envious of that. Nor was I envious of the financial struggles that they were going through. BUT I was envious that they didn't feel the need to conform to this mainstream ideal of success(i.e. going to college, making big bucks, save save save and then have babies when your thirty). I was envious that they didn't care what others thought and loved their lives. I was envious because they were doing the very things that I would have to WAIT to do, because I wanted a baby and I wanted to be married. So in that I way I do BELIEVE that whether you admit it or not, a part of your disdain is not completely about you feeling "Bad" for them. I think your projecting. I think it's also because you WANT the very things they have, but know that it's going to take more time to get them. Time is sensitive because of your age. And you feel a bit miffed at how they took a different route so to speak(and maybe you even feel a bit upset that the route you have to take--though better for you--is the "longer" one.
Anyway you did come off as condescending AND unfortunately I DID(and I think others did) sense a ton of projection in your posts. I understand where your coming from, because again I was exactly like you. I even stopped being a girl's friend for getting pregnant at 20, with no education, and making decisions which I just could not fathom at the time. It was projection on my part, and I suspect it is on yours as well. I don't think you'll admit it, but I DO believe there is some hidden jealousy/envy going on and you need to address that within yourself(I had to do it as well).
The beauty is that we all have a variety of paths we can take No path is greater than the other(although judgmental people may say their are). If these women are choosing a path that is different from you, why not just accept that and continue forward? Afterall you have set goals, you know that your path is right for you(or is it) so why is it bothering you or making you feel sad for others if they choose a different path? I think that is what perplexes me. Your feelings are valid, but I just wonder if your more upset that they ALREADY have the things you want, OR if your upset because they chose a different path.
Now here's my story(to give you some perspective):
I graduated college at 22, magna *** laude, with a bachelors. And went on to get a great paying job, even in the midst of a recession. I spent the last two years as a marketing coordinator at a marketing communication company, I lived on my own, paid my bills, traveled a bit, and had fun. My boyfriend(who I've been with since I was 17) did NOT go to college. Instead he invested in a trade. I had plans, like you-to save save, save. We were supposed to be getting married two years from now, and two years later(when I was 27/28) start having babies. Well plans changed. I found out I was pregnant in January, and I'm 24 BTW, the bf is 26. And now I'm one of those "woman" who got pregnant without the savings, before 25, and I will now become a SAHM in two months once I have the baby. Now the saving grace I have is that luckily I do have a degree, working experience, and am in the processing of purchasing a nice house. We'll be married next year, and if I desire to go back to work I can, if not I'll continue staying at home.
I've had some nasty comments from older people(or people such as yourself) since I've been pregnant about the age(24) and the fact that I didn't have the "savings" for the baby. And also have gotten questions about how I can afford to be a SAHM in this economy. Anyway from an outsiders point of view I probably look just as "sad" as the women you've talked about. But the reality is that even though I'm young, I've been done with college, worked, lived on my own, buying a house, CAN afford to stay at home, and even without the savings we are doing fine(better than fine actually).
I'm saying all this to point out that it's so easy to get caught up in judging others and in trying to do things the "perfect" way or trying to have a certain plan carved out. But plans change. There is nothing wrong with your path, or Molly sue. And honestly even if a woman did just want to stay at home and "pop out babies" there isn't much wrong with that either.
:-)
Being a stay at home mom does not mean one cannot go to college WHILE she raises her kids. Of the woman I know that did choose to have children without having an education and in their early twenties, 75% of them are in the process of going back to school, are graduating at this point, or finishing up schooling so that once they do graduate they'll have a career to fall back on. I know many SAHM's who did this.
The decisions one makes when they are in their early twenties, does not define the decisions they'll make as they age. It's very easy to go to back to school and many programs are very flexible for moms.
Being a stay at home mom does not mean one cannot go to college WHILE she raises her kids. Of the woman I know that did choose to have children without having an education and in their early twenties, 75% of them are in the process of going back to school, are graduating at this point, or finishing up schooling so that once they do graduate they'll have a career to fall back on. I know many SAHM's who did this.
The decisions one makes when they are in their early twenties, does not define the decisions they'll make as they age. It's very easy to go to back to school and many programs are very flexible for moms.
It is quite possible. I wouldn't call it "very easy." You are spending money to go to school, spending money on child care; or going to school in the evening, spending time away from your kids and husband. Not to mention trying to study with kids running around trying to get your attention.
It is quite possible. I wouldn't call it "very easy." You are spending money to go to school, spending money on child care; or going to school in the evening, spending time away from your kids and husband. Not to mention trying to study with kids running around trying to get your attention.
I didn't mean easy in the sense that getting the degree while having kids would be easy, but more so that it isn't impossible that a mom CAN still get a degree and even pursue a career during the times while she is staying at home. These-days college is very accessible, and there are many flexible programs out there that cater toward moms with children.
I do think it is MUCH more difficult to go to school when you have children to tend to and a husband tend to though, and in that way it does sort of make a case for why one would probably want to have their education before having kids, but still I think it's important point out that these woman's lives are not over because they are SAHM's without education--education is accessible.
Personally for myself having children without an education was just not what I wanted because I knew I didn't want to have to work very hard(something I knew I would have to had I had toddlers running around), but I know that for some of the SAHM's I know, it wasn't until they had children that they felt that college was even necessary and though many of them have taken quite a while to graduate, and have struggled with balancing college and family, they've managed to do it!
I just want the OP to realize that life is not over once you have a child and stay at home. There are stay at home entreprenuers, bloggers, those going to school, and so on. It isn't such a black and white case--of women who have babies, sit at home, and 20 years later have nothing to show for it. These women CAN and DO accomplish many things(even if it seems as though the only thing they've accomplished is "popping out babies".
I didn't mean easy in the sense that getting the degree while having kids would be easy, but more so that it isn't impossible that a mom CAN still get a degree and even pursue a career during the times while she is staying at home. These-days college is very accessible, and there are many flexible programs out there that cater toward moms with children.
I do think it is MUCH more difficult to go to school when you have children to tend to and a husband tend to though, and in that way it does sort of make a case for why one would probably want to have their education before having kids, but still I think it's important point out that these woman's lives are not over because they are SAHM's without education--education is accessible.
Personally for myself having children without an education was just not what I wanted because I knew I didn't want to have to work very hard(something I knew I would have to had I had toddlers running around), but I know that for some of the SAHM's I know, it wasn't until they had children that they felt that college was even necessary and though many of them have taken quite a while to graduate, and have struggled with balancing college and family, they've managed to do it!
I just want the OP to realize that life is not over once you have a child and stay at home. There are stay at home entreprenuers, bloggers, those going to school, and so on. It isn't such a black and white case--of women who have babies, sit at home, and 20 years later have nothing to show for it. These women CAN and DO accomplish many things(even if it seems as though the only thing they've accomplished is "popping out babies".
I agree with this. Make whatever choices you want, as long as they don't involve my tax money!
I got knocked up at 20 and dropped out of school. However, I didn't take a cent of welfare (after all, I'm a Republican!). I didn't have another child until I was 30 and knew I was ready. I never did get my degree, but now I have two houses, travel, have a good career and savings.
I KNOW there were people out there like Bing that pitied/scorned me back when I was an eff-up.
I may have done the same in their shoes <--- that's the thought that haunts me.
I don't pity or scorn you. I realize that life happens and I'm glad that you had enough pride to not rely on any kind of welfare.
I DO envy their ignorance and I don't mean that in a cruel way either. Ignorance is bliss. I feel like my eyes are wide open and, IMHO, when you're ignorant, it's easier to enjoy life. One doesn't seem to stress their irresponsibility.
I do NOT envy the repercussions of some of their actions.
When I used "popping out babies" it was just me being quirky lol. Geesh, as though none of you have seen newspaper/magazine headlines. You have to type something to pull the reader in.
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However, I didn't take a cent of welfare (after all, I'm a Republican!). I didn't have another child until I was 30 and knew I was ready. I never did get my degree, but now I have two houses, travel, have a good career and savings.
