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I spend time with my kids because I love them not because I think it will get them a better job, etc....I attend their games and concerts because I love them and I am interested in the things they are doing. I think that's why most parents spend time with their kids.
Yup - I agree totally with you and with EC. The other thing is that the number of years where our kids are going to WANT us to spend a ton of time with them are limited - I want to treasure every second because it all goes by so fast, IMO.
Yup - I agree totally with you and with EC. The other thing is that the number of years where our kids are going to WANT us to spend a ton of time with them are limited - I want to treasure every second because it all goes by so fast, IMO.
It really does go by really fast. But rest assured that even teenagers want their parents around for their games and concerts.
I spend time with my kids because I love them not because I think it will get them a better job, etc....I attend their games and concerts because I love them and I am interested in the things they are doing. I think that's why most parents spend time with their kids.
Exactly! Having a close, loving relationship with your kids is just as important as preparing them for the future. I think kids who know their parents care more about who they are, than what they will become, are the lucky ones.
It really does go by really fast. But rest assured that even teenagers want their parents around for their games and concerts.
That's good to hear (mine are still really little)! I saw how hard it was for my mom when the three of us kids started having more time away from home and then eventually moved out, etc. We're all still close, but I imagine from the mom's perspective (which is where I'll be coming from next time around!) it is bittersweet.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 10-08-2011 at 01:31 PM..
I spend time with my kids because I love them not because I think it will get them a better job, etc....I attend their games and concerts because I love them and I am interested in the things they are doing. I think that's why most parents spend time with their kids.
I'm right in this line of thought and I'll add one more thing. My children love to spend time with me. They enjoy my company and we get along great. We are their "reliable" sounding boards and are people they can count on to be honest and helpful, always having THEIR best interests at heart. We love spending time with them because they are so damn much fun and very interesting. They are also damn funny!
We have such a good time together, as a family, that we rarely ever seek outside company or entertainment. We not only have teens over here on a regular basis, but many of the young adults who use to come over as teens, now come to visit us as well. How can you beat that?
I'll have to see the actual study for your first link because this is the first time I've seen anything persisting into adulthood besides gender attitudes and self esteem and educational attainment of daughters. Do you have a peer reviewed source for that one? This wouldn't be the first time a "researcher" ran off without properly digesting data (remember Belsky?). I'm thinking this is based off of the same flawed study that failed to control for maternal sensitivity.
From your second source "Economic status is one of the largest external influences on a child’s development. The income of a parent or parents directly influences the quality of care and the quality of life a child has." For many WM's there is an economic benefit to her working.
This discussion goes into the sensitivity studies that Belsky lost credibility over. He ran with this, trying to claim that working was a negative when it turned out the data was clouded by sensitivity issues. It turns out that mothers who have sensitivity issues are not equally likely to decide to WOH or SAH. More will WOH. This is the negative they picked up. The differences were debunked years ago for this reason. The study did not control for maternal sensitivity. Later studies that did, found no differences in our kids other than the self esteem bost for the dd's of WMs but all we know about that is it is significant so who knows what it really means.
One thing research does have to do is control for the variables we know make a difference like income and maternal sensitivity (insensitive mothers do not bond well with their babies). Belsky is a joke today for trying to claim this difference could be applied across the board to all working mothers. Most working moms don't have sensitivity issues and bond well with their babies. Most babies are not in day care long enough to have issues bonding with their parents (there are differences for children who are in day care for extended periods of time but most are not). There are also temporary non-issues such as children of SAHM's are more school ready at 3 but school readiness at 3 is not a predictor of academic success so it's a non issue and school readiness actually flips to favor the children of WM's by the age of 5 when kids are actually entering school. There is a statistically significant but practically meaningless (large enough to measure but too small to actually make a difference) difference in verbal skills measured at the end of grade school that favors the children of SAHM's. By high school, the only measureable difference left, once you control for SES and issues like maternal sensitivity, is that the dd's of WM's have,measureably, higher self esteem and higher educational goals while both they and their brothers view women as more equal to men.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 10-08-2011 at 02:41 PM..
Well, maybe your daughter did. (See "Boy Crazy" thread.) One of the number one reasons teenaged girls seek inappropriate attention from boys is because they're lacking attention at home. Not that I want to retort to your methods of debate, but it's food for thought.
Um, thanks for the arm chair pshcyoanalysis but that is not what her pshyciatrist says and I'll take the word of two psychiatrists over yours. There is an issue but it's not one of time and it's not relevent to this discussion.
I'll thank you to leave personal issues out of this debate. Yes, my dd has issues that require professional help but she's getting it and we have been assured that this is nothing we did. If we had known she was going to have this issue, we could have headed it off at the pass, with a lot less pain than we're going through now, but even people like her pediatrician, my neice who is a psychiatrist, her dcp with years of experience with children were unable to peg the issue. Fortunately, a near miss of a divorce on dh's and my part brought the issue to light. Her current psychiatrist recognized the issue right away because she specializes in relationship issues for women (I had both of my girls in counseling with her because girls have so many issues when their parents divorce.). This is something that runs in the family but no one ever knew how to deal with . My MIL commented that she saw the same traits in dh when he was a child. Being a boy, there was a lot less drama associated with this problem.
This is a developmental issue with dd. It's nothing we caused. Nor did she cause it. She just failed to reach a developmental milestone that most people do not even recognize as a milestone. Sadly, there are alot of people like dd out there. This is not uncommon. She'll, probably, be in therapy for several years but, hopefully she'll develop coping skills to compensate younger than he did.
And FTR, dd's issue isn't seeking inappropriate male attention. She just latched onto the wrong boy. That really had nothing to do with this. Any teenaged girl can hook up with the wrong boy. I just happen to have one with an issue that impacts relationships who did that. Fortunately, that one is behind us. The last two boyfriends have been quite nice. A definite step up. I like her current boyfriend. He comes from a good family. That other boyfriend was controlling and manipulative. I'm glad he's behind us and hope he never has another girlfriend.
Please refrain from dragging my dd's issues into this thread or any other. They are not relevent and this is way beyond just plain mean.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 10-08-2011 at 03:00 PM..
Know any Asian-born Tiger Mothers? They have hovering down to a science. And they all make A's.
Gosh. I made myself laugh.
Me too. Blue ribbon for the day Dew.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
I think we have a winner here!
I spend time with my kids because I love them not because I think it will get them a better job, etc....I attend their games and concerts because I love them and I am interested in the things they are doing. I think that's why most parents spend time with their kids.
It doesn't matter Momma. You are a woman, with sons. According to Ivory, whatever we do doesn't matter because the fathers set the example for sons.
Ivory, by your own admission, you are batting .500 in parenting. You are the one who threw out the issues with your eldest daughter. I don't want to make it the center of things, but unless we are talking baseball, that percentage isn't spectacular. Maybe, just maybe, a little less working Mom, and a little more stay-at-home would have affected that outcome. Each child needs something different. If one is ok being independent, that doesn't mean the other will benefit.
You mean your students actually have the NERVE to ask their teacher for guidance? Imagine that!
They don't want my guidance. They get that. They want my pre-approval before they turn in the paper so they're guaranteed an A. They want me to tell them what they're turning in is ok so they can come back and argue their grade later. I'm very clear on what I expect but I won't pregrade papers. I will answer their questions but "Read this and tell me what you think" gets a response of "Would you like me to pre-grade this?".
One thing I try to get my students to do is self assess their work. I'm really taken aback by the fact so many seem to need someone else to pre-approve their work for them before they can commit to turning it in.
They don't want my guidance. They get that. They want my pre-approval before they turn in the paper so they're guaranteed an A. They want me to tell them what they're turning in is ok so they can come back and argue their grade later. I'm very clear on what I expect but I won't pregrade papers. I will answer their questions but "Read this and tell me what you think" gets a response of "Would you like me to pre-grade this?".
One thing I try to get my students to do is self assess their work. I'm really taken aback by the fact so many seem to need someone else to pre-approve their work for them before they can commit to turning it in.
But the system is set up in such a way that grades are exactly what a student is working for, so why blame them? Better to have a student who is looking for input on how to improve his/her grade versus one who doesn't give a $&@#. Anyway, lest we stray too far from the topic, what exactly does this have to do with SAHMs again?
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