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All grown-ups deserve a little free time whether or not they are employed. Good gracious, I'd be homicidal if I did not have time to do my own thing once in awhile. Same goes for my spouse.
I think it's important to have financial goals, and I think you are very wise to look ahead to retirement. As a SAH parent, it's one of my top priorities to ensure that our investments are sound and well-managed.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 09-29-2011 at 07:29 PM..
Originally Posted by funisart You don't work hard on your days off but you do have to work to do all the things a SAHM does while their husbands are at work. I do not have to work on my husband's days off--we have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves, and when our son was still home, we had lots of time to spend doing things together as a family. I don't think that it is when you work but how you use your time when you are with your family
You said in reply:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
LOL, um, yes I do. Who do you think does the work a SAHM does at my house??? We cook, we clean, we provide child care, we run errands, we pay bills, we attent PTA meetings, etc, etc, etc....We just do it all in 50 fewer hours per week. Fortunately, there's plenty of time to do what a SAHM does after work. If you look at time studies, we spend less time sleeping, on hobbies, socializing and doing housework (not because there is less but because our dh's do more.). WM's give up personal time so they have plenty of time for their kids.
I will admit WM's have less free time but life as an adult isn't about free time. We have plenty of time to spend as a family and plenty of time to do all the things SAHM's do and I'd rather work so dh and I can retire together and BOTH have free time.
But this is the post that I replied to where you said that you didn't work hard on your days off. You are changing your story.. You do not have the same time, unhurried and rested to spend the quality time with your family that a SAHM does. That is just a fact--
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Well, I don't work hard on my days off and my days off should be busier than a SAHM's days home.... SAHM's do every day what I do when I'm on vacation or off for the weekend and I don't call that work because it isn't. There is so little work to be done at home that you can work full time and still manage to do it.
I'm 26 and I've noticed over the last couple of years (esp. recently) all of my friends seem to be getting married and girls my age are now on their 2nd and 3rd kids. I came from an upper middle class neighborhood and I feel like I'm one of the last one of my peers who isn't married or knocked up...or on my 2nd or 3rd baby.
Is this normal? I sometimes almost feel sad for girls my age. I look at their FB and in their employer section I swear it feels like all of them have "Stay at home mommy" and a picture of a new sonogram with their umpteenth baby on the way. Considering that the majority of their husbands don't even have a college degree (and neither do they) I wonder how they do it. I feel like the odd ball out and wonder if I'm going to regret waiting so long to have kids.
I'm with a wonderful guy, but we're finishing college and I told him even though I would love a baby, I'm trying to think logically and at least get our degrees and loans out of the way. My peers seem SO relaxed and not worried at all, which makes me feel like I worry about finances too much, but I just felt like I was being responsible.
Most of them work at Rite-Aid or are married to husbands that work as supervisors at a pizza restaurant or are in the military. I guess I can't wrap my head around it. I have this weird feeling that once girls hit the age of 21 their minds go into baby-mode. I remember working at a sales job at Bloomingdales in the mall and I worked in the baby area (partly). The girls I worked with would sigh and say stuff like "I can't wait until I don't work and can be a stay at home mommy"....and others would see other women shopping with their babies during the day and say "I wish I was a housewife and had a baby already".
I really don't envy women who are stay at home moms, because I like to make money and the vast majority of them don't seem to have husbands who are engineers, doctors, lawyers, etc. so I honestly don't know how they have a savings account or more than enough money to really feel content. Am I going through a crisis? Is it just normal for girls my age to be going nuts and popping out babies like crazy? Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to get married and have babies. Because my guy and I want to go to graduate school it probably won't be until 30, but then I wonder if I'll feel like I have less energy in my 30s to raise kids and look back and say "Wow, I wish I would have just toughed it out and had kids young".
Maybe your outlook on life, careers, having children, a "liveable income", has a whole lot to do with the fact that you were raised in an "upper middle class" family. You think you need to make a certain amount of money to be happy and have a good life. Some people don't need nearly as much money as you do in order to feel successful or even to survive and live well.
I wouldn't waste your time feeling sorry for SAHMs or even those who work at jobs which you have decided are "dead-end". Most of those people are likely perfectly content with their lifestyles, at least, as content as anyone is. I know a whole lot of miserable people who have 6-figure incomes. Money does not, CAN not buy happiness or contentment.
Originally Posted by funisart You don't work hard on your days off but you do have to work to do all the things a SAHM does while their husbands are at work. I do not have to work on my husband's days off--we have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves, and when our son was still home, we had lots of time to spend doing things together as a family. I don't think that it is when you work but how you use your time when you are with your family
You said in reply:
But this is the post that I replied to where you said that you didn't work hard on your days off. You are changing your story.. You do not have the same time, unhurried and rested to spend the quality time with your family that a SAHM does. That is just a fact--
[/b]
Please get your story straight UGG UGG UGG to you
Try reading my story. I'm not changing my story. Nowhere in my post did I say I work hard. I don't work hard on my days off. That's the point. I do what a SAHM does on my days off and it's not hard. Technically, I should be doing more than a SAHM does when I'm home because, unlike a SAH, I don't have all day to do it so what I do should be harder but that's not to say it's hard. It's nod. I have to do it in fewer hours per week but it's not hard.
Just in case you missed it...here's a recap....I do what SAHM's do when I'm off of work and it's NOT hard. I, probably, do more than they do by virtue of the fact that I simply have 50 fewer hours per week at home to get it done and It's not hard!!!
All grown-ups deserve a little free time whether or not they are employed. Good gracious, I'd be homicidal if I did not have time to do my own thing once in awhile. Same goes for my spouse.
I think it's important to have financial goals, and I think you are very wise to look ahead to retirement. As a SAH parent, it's one of my top priorities to ensure that our investments are sound and well-managed.
I think my dh is as entitled to free time as I am. I'd rather share. According to studies the dh's of SAHM's work longer hours than the dh's of WM's. That's a little something I can give my dh. AND we'll get to retire together and have loads of free time.
BTW, I'm not saying I don't have free time as a WM. If I didn't, I wouldn't do things like post here. I do. I see no point in SAH so I can have more free time. Especially, since it could be at the expense of dh's free time.
The theory is that dh's of SAHM's feel pressured to perform at work and work longer to keep their jobs more secure while the dh's of WM's, don't feel that pressure and don't put in hours just to gain security. I can't for the life of me remember the difference in hours they work though and I don't have time to look it up. Sorry, I need sleep. I have another 12 hour day tomorrow There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Should be down hill after Saturday...
"Pop out". Such an interesting term for the act of giving birth.
Is that a step above or below "spawn"?
OMG! I wish, just ONE of my 5 children would have simply "popped out". That would have been awesome!
As to the SAHM studies which claim that the dhs work longer hours?...... Yeah, that was never the case here. The only thing that DH had to do around here when I was a SAHM, was fix a car if it wasn't working....oh, and spend time with his kids. That's one of the reasons he loved having a SAHW!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart You don't work hard on your days off but you do have to work to do all the things a SAHM does while their husbands are at work. I do not have to work on my husband's days off--we have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves, and when our son was still home, we had lots of time to spend doing things together as a family. I don't think that it is when you work but how you use your time when you are with your family.
Quote
Ivory LOL, um, yes I do. Who do you think does the work a SAHM does at my house??? We cook, we clean, we provide child care, we run errands, we pay bills, we attent PTA meetings, etc, etc, etc....We just do it all in 50 fewer hours per week. Fortunately, there's plenty of time to do what a SAHM does after work. If you look at time studies, we spend less time sleeping, on hobbies, socializing and doing housework (not because there is less but because our dh's do more.). WM's give up personal time so they have plenty of time for their kids.
I will admit WM's have less free time but life as an adult isn't about free time. We have plenty of time to spend as a family and plenty of time to do all the things SAHM's do and I'd rather work so dh and I can retire together and BOTH have free time.
Quote: Originally Posted by funisart You don't work hard on your days off but you do have to work to do all the things a SAHM does while their husbands are at work. I do not have to work on my husband's days off--we have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves, and when our son was still home, we had lots of time to spend doing things together as a family. I don't think that it is when you work but how you use your time when you are with your family
But this is the post that I replied to where you said that you didn't work hard on your days off. You are changing your story.. You do not have the same time, unhurried and rested to spend the quality time with your family that a SAHM does. That is just a fact--
[/b]
Please get your story straight UGG UGG UGG to you
Now you said
Ivory;
Try reading my story. I'm not changing my story. Nowhere in my post did I say I work hard. I don't work hard on my days off. That's the point. I do what a SAHM does on my days off and it's not hard. Technically, I should be doing more than a SAHM does when I'm home because, unlike a SAH, I don't have all day to do it so what I do should be harder but that's not to say it's hard. It's nod. I have to do it in fewer hours per week but it's not hard.
Just in case you missed it...here's a recap....I do what SAHM's do when I'm off of work and it's NOT hard. I, probably, do more than they do by virtue of the fact that I simply have 50 fewer hours per week at home to get it done and It's not hard!!!
You did say LOL Yes I do to my saying that you don't work hard==you omitted your original statement again==
and you did originally post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler Well, I don't work hard on my days off and my days off should be busier than a SAHM's days home.... SAHM's do every day what I do when I'm on vacation or off for the weekend and I don't call that work because it isn't. There is so little work to be done at home that you can work full time and still manage to do it.
I am so sorry that you cannot see yourself as other see you==And I never said that you said you worked hard==obviously you don't think you do-- And you don't have to keep repeating your self placating statistics, we are all very tired of hearing them over and over..
Try reading my story. I'm not changing my story. Nowhere in my post did I say I work hard. I don't work hard on my days off. That's the point. I do what a SAHM does on my days off and it's not hard. Technically, I should be doing more than a SAHM does when I'm home because, unlike a SAH, I don't have all day to do it so what I do should be harder but that's not to say it's hard. It's nod. I have to do it in fewer hours per week but it's not hard.
Just in case you missed it...here's a recap....I do what SAHM's do when I'm off of work and it's NOT hard. I, probably, do more than they do by virtue of the fact that I simply have 50 fewer hours per week at home to get it done and It's not hard!!!
CONGRATU-F***IN'LATIONS! WTF do you want from us? Know what I'm thinking? You do a sh**y job at it. Actually, no. I'm thinking there is no possible way you "do what a SAHM does" in your time off. You don't volunteer at the school. You don't plan the Halloween party. You don't drop your kids off at school or the bus, and pick them up when they get out of school. You don't take them to gymnastics at 4:30 because you aren't off work yet. You don't have time to go through their backpacks, help them with homework, talk about their day, cook dinner, eat dinner as a family, take them to soccer practice, play, AND watch a little family TV before bed time, AND read to them before bed (yes, I did all of that between 4:30 and 8:30. Well, its 8:10 and we still have to read). I used to work full time. I dropped the kids off at 7:00 and picked them up at 5:00. I had just enough time and energy in the evening to make a quick dinner, do the dishes, and prep for the next day. I've done both and it is not the same. You will never ever convince any of us that you do what we do in a fraction of the time. It is simply not possible.
Personally, I think Ivory's assessment is fair, at least as it applies to my life. My kids are school-aged, and the housework isn't all that demanding at this point. I'm usually done with everything by mid-morning, which leaves plenty of time to pursue my own interests, spend lots of time with my kids, and dote on my truly wonderful spouse of twenty-some years, whom I completely adore. Frankly, we have a terrific life together.
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AND we'll get to retire together and have loads of free time.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Should be down hill after Saturday...
