U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:32 PM
 
Location: WI
2,777 posts, read 2,936,172 times
Reputation: 4645

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Actually, I'm not contradicting myself. There are two ways of looking at this. The way the studies do, which shows that there is really little difference in how our kids turn out and negating the correction for SES. Not every WM impacts her family's SES but some do. For those of us who do, we, clearly provide something better for our kids than we would if we SAH and, statistically speaking, our kids will gain from that.

I've said all along that, finances aside, this decision doesn't matter. Finances, however, do make a difference. If your kids are living hand to mouth so you can SAH, you should, probably, rethink that.
And vice-versa.

 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,371 posts, read 28,795,665 times
Reputation: 14385
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
In her defense though, she does generally say "many/some" SAHMs. She is truly aware that there are some of us out here who work their a$$es off andj/or generally only go to work when we need a break, need to feel more appreciated, or truly feel the need to actualy get paid for busting our arses all day! LOL
Event though the vast majority of people will fall within 2 standard deviations of average, there are outliers. They don't disprove the averages but they exist. However, it never ceases to amaze me how fast someone posts a "NOT ME" post when a stat is posted. I've mentioned this before but one interesting statistic is that the majority of us see ourselves as not being average yet most of us have to be. Human nature is do deny that we are average. I did it myself when it came to day care hours and hours spent with my kids when they were babies. I was shocked to find I was flat average when I actually crunched the numbers and I mean right on the average. Not even a standard deviation off. Yet I was convinced I was above average on all counts before I did the math. My gut feeling was just plain wrong.

Unless you have very good reason to believe you are different than everyone else, you should, probably, accept that the averages most likely apply to you.

Seriously, what do you do all day that you call it busting your arse? I've never stayed home with small children but I've worked part time (three days a week) and there wasn't enough to do to fill the day. At least on the weekends, dh was home and I had someone to talk to. I had the housework done before the kids got up then, pretty much just watched the kids (which included things like going to the park to try and fill the time but most of what we did was just trying to fill the time) until it was time to serve lunch and start dinner. When I started taking naps when the kids napped, I knew it was time to go back to work full time. I know I slept more as a PTWM (one stat says SAHM's sleep more than WM's) but I think I was getting depressed because I didn't have enough to do.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 10-01-2011 at 04:48 PM..
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,371 posts, read 28,795,665 times
Reputation: 14385
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
And vice-versa.
Please clarify. I don't see flip in that statement.
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:42 PM
 
Location: WI
2,777 posts, read 2,936,172 times
Reputation: 4645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Please clarify. I don't see flip in that statement.
Some families will gain more from having a SAH parent, as opposed to having both work.
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:45 PM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 2,279,956 times
Reputation: 2044
con·de·scend·ingAdjective/ˌkändəˈsendiNG/


1. Acting in a way that betrays a feeling of patronizing superiority.
2. (of an action) Demonstrating such an attitude



So, saying that SAHMs aren't important and aren't equal to the husbands, but WMs (which you just happen to be) are important and are equal to their husbands is not condescending?
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,371 posts, read 28,795,665 times
Reputation: 14385
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
Some families will gain more from having a SAH parent, as opposed to having both work.
Like what? Please post your argument for families gaining from having a SAHM and your supporting research .

And off we go again...
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,371 posts, read 28,795,665 times
Reputation: 14385
Quote:
Originally Posted by num1baby View Post
con·de·scend·ingAdjective/ˌkändəˈsendiNG/


1. Acting in a way that betrays a feeling of patronizing superiority.
2. (of an action) Demonstrating such an attitude



So, saying that SAHMs aren't important and aren't equal to the husbands, but WMs (which you just happen to be) are important and are equal to their husbands is not condescending?
Sorry but it is what it is. Everything moms (WM's to) do at home is easily, ane inexpensively, hired out. That's just the way it is. The role of breadwinner, however, makes everything possible. Without that role, you have no house to worry about. So, his role is the more important role. No, they aren't equal. Why do they have to be? You NEED a provider in order to even have a home, whereas, it doesn't matter if mom SAH or WOH. The kids still get taken care of and the house still gets cleaned and the cooking still gets done and the errands still get run.... Provider is the crucial role. SAH/WOH are not. Either way you get things done.
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:52 PM
 
8,949 posts, read 6,435,709 times
Reputation: 10922
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
/snip
It's only been recently that women have been supported and not contributed to supporting the family. Throughout history women have worked along side their husbands to support their families. When you think about it, today's WM is closer to the traditional norm than a SAHM. According to my grandmother, the only real difference is we now actually have someone whose job it is to actually watch the kids. She swore hers raised themselves and watched each other while she cooked and cleaned. My grandma was pretty cool.
\snip
Actually, I've got to take exception to this part. This is not entirely true. Women of status and means throughout history have not taken care of their own children, nor worked alongside their husbands, unless you take into account behind the scenes support, which is pretty universal.

There have always been nannies, servants, housekeepers, eunuchs, slaves and even wet nurses. In any culture, from any period in history, you'll find that women have "stayed at home" with help, while their husbands "worked". The role of a reasonably well to do wife was to help with the social life of the family, in order to advance the husband's career, not to take care of the kids, only.

But technically they didn't "support" their families, they took care of the household and the household goings on, not the general menial labor. The advent of technology has just made it so that women do not have to hire help, in order to achieve the same thing. Penty of SAHM's use the services of professionals, in the form of preschool, nursery school or a cleaning service, and now have time to take a very active role in the community, while being hands on with their kids.

Not all women had to work their fingers to the bone - a lot of them, even lower middle class, had someone to come in and "do" for the family.
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:56 PM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 2,279,956 times
Reputation: 2044
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Like what? Please post your argument for families gaining from having a SAHM and your supporting research .

And off we go again...
Parenting isn't about research and studies. This is not the Politics & Other Controversies forum. Most of parenting is gut instinct. If you want research, how about you read back through the last hundred pages or so and see how many women on this site chose to be a SAHM, enjoyed doing it and it worked for their families? Not everything has to have a statistic behind it.

Oh. And sometimes when someone says "not me", it is true. So it would be normal for people to assert that claim.

Did you even bother to read what I posted several pages back about the value of my mom staying at home with me? It seems like if anyone posts something that you can't fight with a statistic, you just ignore it.
 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:59 PM
 
Location: WI
2,777 posts, read 2,936,172 times
Reputation: 4645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Like what? Please post your argument for families gaining from having a SAHM and your supporting research .

And off we go again...

PARENTING ISN'T ABOUT STATISTICS! Sheesh. What works for one family won't necessarily work for another. I was lucky enough to be able to SAH when mine were young, and I believe I formed bonds with my kids that have carried over to today. In my case, I failed to see how putting my 6 month old in daycare would benefit any of us.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top