U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-02-2011, 09:38 PM
 
572 posts, read 1,067,415 times
Reputation: 422

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
One thing I can tell you from reading your posts: he's got a dang good mother. You just hang in there, jojo. Your son has you in his corner. Priceless.
Thank you...

 
Old 10-02-2011, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,619,293 times
Reputation: 19403
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yes they can but the odds are stacked in their favor. Take my case. Had I SAH during my children's early years, I would have been SOL when I was let go from my company. I wasn't because I had savings to fall back on. Sure, I no longer have those savings but we weathered the storm BECAUSE I didn't SAH. We would have lost the house if we didn't have the savings we had because I worked during the preschool years. A decision to SAH would have come back and bit me in the butt big time. I was out of work for almost a year and when I did find work, I was, seriously, underpaid for two years. I'm on the right track now but we lost $20K in savings (money not put into savings) during that time and spent $30K we had in savings to weather it.

How many of you can take a $50K hit in the next three years to prevent you from losing your house? We were really close to having to hit my 401k when I found the job I have now. We exhausted our emergency funds. Things are still a little nervous because we haven't replaced that savings. If I lost my job now, we'd be hitting my 401k in about 3 months. Even with all of our preparations, we could only support our family for about 5 years with what we have in savings. I can't imagine where we'd be without those preparations.
In spite of being a predominantly single-income family and having raised 4 children on $35-$45,000/yr, we paid off our own home. We have not gone crazy on show-off external improvements which would have raised our property taxes through the roof, had enormous vegetable gardens and canned/froze our own produce, never paid anyone to do anything for us, but rather spent our "extra" money on tools so that we could do them ourselves.

None of our kids have ever gone without a thing and have always been involved in sports and other activities. We have zero debt. We are frugal and do not "waste" money on unnecessary things...well, unless you consider everyone having cell phones, cable tv and internet services unnecessary. Because we didn't look for a fancy house. We looked for large house that we could fix up and make our own and one with a large piece of property with it. We chose to go this route because we wanted to pay it off easily and still have some life to live later. We have never remortgaged or taken out loans to pay for anything. It can be done and in fact, having a SAHP around is one of the biggest reason it happened as quickly as it did.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 01:48 AM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,685,468 times
Reputation: 6672
When the phrase "educated moms" is used, are readers to assume "college graduate"?

Because I know quite a few college grads that are dumb as dirt. I also know quite a few people who only have some college or only a high school diploma who are quite brilliant.

How do you define "educated mom"?
 
Old 10-03-2011, 02:08 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,327,154 times
Reputation: 25974
It is a choice, and I, as a working Mom, always appreciated the work that SAHM Mom's did, they volunteered at the school, did elaborate birthday parties that my kids enjoyed, my DD was friends with a girl who had a SAHM, and I know she benefitted from that Mom at home, supervising both girls.

I don't think it should be an issue, some don't have the choice. As a single Mom, I had to work. No choice.

However, it always annoyed me, when my cousin, a SAHM, with a husband who owns an online pharmacy, acted like her kids were better, and smarter than mine because she stayed at home. Whatever.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 04:15 AM
 
15,671 posts, read 13,091,586 times
Reputation: 19582
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
no, like is my child ok at daycare? does he feel abandoned? is the nanny getting him to soccer practice safely? is there a pedophile working at the day care center? Are they feeding the baby the right amount at the right time? the list is endless.
If you pick a quality daycare center the odds of that happening are next to none. A child is much more likely to be molested during a playdate with a child of people the parents know than with a daycare provider.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 04:17 AM
 
15,671 posts, read 13,091,586 times
Reputation: 19582
Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
When the phrase "educated moms" is used, are readers to assume "college graduate"?

Because I know quite a few college grads that are dumb as dirt. I also know quite a few people who only have some college or only a high school diploma who are quite brilliant.

How do you define "educated mom"?
In the context of this thread due to the studies being used it means those with a formal education.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 04:24 AM
 
15,671 posts, read 13,091,586 times
Reputation: 19582
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
It is a choice, and I, as a working Mom, always appreciated the work that SAHM Mom's did, they volunteered at the school, did elaborate birthday parties that my kids enjoyed, my DD was friends with a girl who had a SAHM, and I know she benefitted from that Mom at home, supervising both girls.

I don't think it should be an issue, some don't have the choice. As a single Mom, I had to work. No choice.

However, it always annoyed me, when my cousin, a SAHM, with a husband who owns an online pharmacy, acted like her kids were better, and smarter than mine because she stayed at home. Whatever.
Generally, that is just not true. We have seen anecdotal stories both ways, of children wanting more time with mom and some wanting mom to do her own thing. Most measurable outcomes show that SES is the deciding factor for "success" of children and that any measurable effect of working is off set by a quality daycare provider.

Don't let your cousin's issues get to you.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 05:05 AM
 
572 posts, read 1,067,415 times
Reputation: 422
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Generally, that is just not true. We have seen anecdotal stories both ways, of children wanting more time with mom and some wanting mom to do her own thing. Most measurable outcomes show that SES is the deciding factor for "success" of children and that any measurable effect of working is off set by a quality daycare provider.

Don't let your cousin's issues get to you.
Completely anecdotal:

My mom worked at home as a daycare provider. She has done it for a little over 40 years. Most of my mom's "kids" went to college. Those that didn't, had parents that didn't encourage education, and it was generally single mom's, who were lower income. In general, I could tell which parents were going to have successful children and which parents were not, and it was not based on demographics, but based on parental personality. Off the top of my head, I think there were 3 maybe 4 that have not attended college. The kids run the gambit-- one is a principle at a high school to one is a part time employee of Old Navy and still lives at home.

My parents are not "educated" either. My dad has a high school diploma and went to beauty and barber school. He can barely read at a 7th grade level, but can read the newspaper cover to cover. My mom has some college, but not a degree. She has done at least 10-12 credit hours a year of continuing education for daycare licensure (which is more than the state requires). She really enjoys reading. She's also pretty savvy with financial management. My brother and I are both college graduates, we both married college graduates. My brother is upper class, my husband and I are upper-middle class (not rich, but comfortable).

I think parental encouragement and expectations have more to do with childhood success than whether or not a person works.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 08:29 AM
 
Location: here
24,462 posts, read 28,620,541 times
Reputation: 30994
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
If you pick a quality daycare center the odds of that happening are next to none. A child is much more likely to be molested during a playdate with a child of people the parents know than with a daycare provider.
If you can leave an infant or toddler at day care all day and not worry about some things, something is wrong. I don't mean worry like crazy all day every day. I mean things cross your mind about what "could" happen while your child is across town in the care of someone else.

I'm not putting down WMs. I worked until my kids were 2 and 4. I know how it feels to leave them when they are so young.
 
Old 10-03-2011, 08:35 AM
 
Location: here
24,462 posts, read 28,620,541 times
Reputation: 30994
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Generally, that is just not true. We have seen anecdotal stories both ways, of children wanting more time with mom and some wanting mom to do her own thing. Most measurable outcomes show that SES is the deciding factor for "success" of children and that any measurable effect of working is off set by a quality daycare provider.

Don't let your cousin's issues get to you.
I am really wondering why SES seems to be the end-all be-all of "success" to some people. We'd have the same SES whether I work or not. We come from middle class (teachers, school admins, career military). All the grand parents have bachelors degrees, we both have bachelors degrees. Our siblings all have bachelors degrees. My husband and my sister have masters degrees. I don't see how my working or not working is going to make a difference in the future SES of my kids. I went to college. I worked for 10 years. They know that. They will most likely go to college too. I see so many other factors in determining success and happiness.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top