Being a stay-at-home mother (diabetes, support, parents, wife)

[BingCherry]

Originally Posted by 90sman

Yes, but if you want to have more than one child, it may be best to start before you're 30, imo.

Yes, I do think about that often. It sucks being a woman. I wish my eggs were good forever. I'm trying so hard to plan this carefully, complete our education, be financially stable. We would like 3 children, as well. Decisions, decisions. If I had the ability, I would have probably had one YEARS ago, but hindsight is always 20/20 right? I wasn't with a good man, then and I was still feeling out the job market and colleges.

[Katiana]

Originally Posted by BingCherry

So I guess this is just the age people start having lots of kids and getting married then right? I always felt like, coming from upper middle class, that most of my peers would go on to have careers and excel in their educations, etc. It feels like there's a pregnancy announcement every day on FB and here I am, finishing college and working my butt off. I would like kids, but logically, I don't want them now because I think--how in the world can they afford them? I'd rather wait so I can provide them with a cushy life, if at all possible. Welp! I guess it's the norm. I've just had so many people asking me when I'm going to get married and have babies that I found it disturbing--like geesh, I'm only 26--is that all these people think about?? I could understand if I was like 35 or something lol.

Are you in grad school? If not, you're awfully late finishing college. And drop this "I'm upper middle class" stuff, please!

[maja]

Originally Posted by 90sman

Yes, but if you want to have more than one child, it may be best to start before you're 30, imo.

Absolutely! A couple good books to point out how the young women of today are being either provided misinformation or no information as to the risks they take of delaying having children are,

"You're Teaching My Child What?" by Mariam Grossman, M.D.
"Defenseless," by Mariam Grossman, M.D.

Parents and young women need to check out these books to learn how women are being misled. Its quite scary. The whole emphasis is on how to use contraceptives and get abortions; but nothing on fertility problems and limitations as well as a lack of real medical information being given by our current educational system. Verifiable facts given by a physician who has worked on college campuses. (Not an anti-abortion read, btw; just health and fertility issues.)

[luckynumber4]

Originally Posted by BingCherry

I'm from SoCal living in NYC.

Really?! I'm from the NYC area too and I think it's strange that you run into many people like that. Most of my friends want children eventually, (I don't know anyone who wants to be a housewife) but we all agree that it'd pretty much be the end of the world (okay not really, but close to it) if we had children in our 20s. The only people I know that end up with a bunch of kids by the time they are barely old enough to drink like the ones you described, are from the South (sorry if this is offensive but in my experience it is entirely true so...whatever) I was going to tell you to move up north but it seems like you just need new friends.

[JennyMominRI]

Originally Posted by BingCherry

I'd rather wait so I can provide them with a cushy life, if at all possible. l.

To be honest, I had no desire to provide my kids with a cushy life. I wanted to be able to provide them with everything they needed but not everything they wanted. Some of those things, yes, but not all of them. I don't think it's healthy for kids to have everything handed too them.
There is also no perfect time to have kids. There will always be some things in your life that are't perfect. If you wait for the *perfect* time to have kids, you may end up never having them.
Kids want a lot of things. Kids really only need a few things. Food, clothing, and most of all love and attention.

[BingCherry]

Originally Posted by luckynumber4

Really?! I'm from the NYC area too and I think it's strange that you run into many people like that. Most of my friends want children eventually, (I don't know anyone who wants to be a housewife) but we all agree that it'd pretty much be the end of the world (okay not really, but close to it) if we had children in our 20s. The only people I know that end up with a bunch of kids by the time they are barely old enough to drink like the ones you described, are from the South (sorry if this is offensive but in my experience it is entirely true so...whatever) I was going to tell you to move up north but it seems like you just need new friends.

LOL~ I figured that's what you were thinking! I would have guessed the same thing too, if I was you. That's why I find it slightly mind boggling.

[BingCherry]

Originally Posted by JennyMominRI

To be honest, I had no desire to provide my kids with a cushy life. I wanted to be able to provide them with everything they needed but not everything they wanted. Some of those things, yes, but not all of them. I don't think it's healthy for kids to have everything handed too them.
There is also no perfect time to have kids. There will always be some things in your life that are't perfect. If you wait for the *perfect* time to have kids, you may end up never having them.
Kids want a lot of things. Kids really only need a few things. Food, clothing, and most of all love and attention.

I guess cushy, in my sense, just means that I won't have to stress money at all if they just so happen to need something or, Lord forbid, they have a medical issue that is costly. Life throws so many unknown curveballs, I guess I overthink it and prefer to have more money in my savings to feel secure having kids...otherwise I'd totally have them! I get what you mean.

[BingCherry]

Originally Posted by maja

Absolutely! A couple good books to point out how the young women of today are being either provided misinformation or no information as to the risks they take of delaying having children are,

"You're Teaching My Child What?" by Mariam Grossman, M.D.
"Defenseless," by Mariam Grossman, M.D.

Parents and young women need to check out these books to learn how women are being misled. Its quite scary. The whole emphasis is on how to use contraceptives and get abortions; but nothing on fertility problems and limitations as well as a lack of real medical information being given by our current educational system. Verifiable facts given by a physician who has worked on college campuses. (Not an anti-abortion read, btw; just health and fertility issues.)

I may have to check that out. Some of my friends (I'm friends with older people as well) waited too long, imo, and many are having fertility issues. One had to go the IVF/donor egg route and while she's happy with her baby and I'm happy for her, that's something I would hope to avoid.

[Kibbiekat]

I felt like you are describing when I was about 21, had broken up with a long time boyfriend, had no desire to settle down, and my 3 best friends from HS were all engaged. I just didn't get it. Finish school, get married, save some money, then have a baby. You won't be sorry you finished your education. There is nothing really "wrong" with what they're doing, and nothing wrong with you not wanting the same thing.

[BingCherry]

Originally Posted by Katiana

Are you in grad school? If not, you're awfully late finishing college. And drop this "I'm upper middle class" stuff, please!

I was raised in an upper middle class neighborhood. That's a fact. Where I lived when I got out on my own is different, but I came from somewhere where people weren't expected to pop out kids in their late teens and early 20s and conform to a lifetime of unintended pregnancies and poverty. Majority of my peers had the means to easily finance their educations (aka mom/dad) and advance into some kind of career.

And no, I'm not in grad school. I have my nursing license and decided to complete my Bachelor's in something different. I'm a few courses away and have worked and paid for my education out of pocket. Even though my parents had money, they didn't hand me anything for free in my life. What a stupid comment. I've been in plenty of classes with people JUST starting college and they're in their late 30s and 40s.

My guy is a year younger than me and earned a scholarship to NYU, but nothing is free in life "bright" one. We're supporting each other through college as adults--not as dorm students.