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Old 09-17-2011, 10:18 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
33,942 posts, read 22,418,117 times
Reputation: 25806

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Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
Both camps - WM's and SAHM's and even WAHM's - have a really bad history and tendency to bad-mouth whatever camp they don't belong to. I have to admit that even though I try very hard not to talk crap about people I don't know personally... and I try to respect people and not pass judgment... I have at times done exactly that - passed judgment on working moms when I saw something slip through the cracks that shouldn't have because she or dad were too busy working and not paying attention. Especially when volunteering as much as I have done at the schools... it's easy to spot the kids whose parents work a lot and aren't giving their kids their full attention. I try to be understanding and not pass judgement but sometimes I do slip up.

I know that's wrong of me, but I'll own up to the fact that I do catch myself doing that from time to time. And pretty soon (hopefully - fingers crossed) I'll be a working mom and I'm sure things will slip through the cracks once in awhile because I'll be too distracted or preoccupied with work, and some sahm who is more focused on her children will call me out on it, or at least notice it and pass judgment on me. It's just how things are.
Ouch. I felt that little dig.

 
Old 09-18-2011, 12:19 AM
 
1,057 posts, read 2,410,530 times
Reputation: 618
So much for the everlasting debate of working mums vs SAHMs. You wanna know what's the best? Having a MUM, working or staying at home, having a mum being there when you need her to be there is what matters, a mum who is there for the important milestones in your life. So many children don't have a mum period and it always baffles me to see mums putting down other mums because they work or stay home or whatever. Some stay at home mums stay home and watch tv all day or go shopping all day without spending any quality time with their kids while some working mums will give everything they have for every minute they get to spend with that child and because of that I have always felt like mommyhood or the quality of it shouldn't be judged by the profession of the said mother or lack thereof . When you grow up and think about your mother, what you will remember and cherish is the quality time you spent together and how she made you feel. Don't judge another mum without knowing her life or her situation. Oh and by the way,I just watched " I don't know how she does it" the new movie with Sarah Jessica Parker and its about working mums vs SAHMs, great movie that I would recommend, it's really funny, I lovedddddd it
 
Old 09-18-2011, 06:56 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,660,047 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
Both camps - WM's and SAHM's and even WAHM's - have a really bad history and tendency to bad-mouth whatever camp they don't belong to. I have to admit that even though I try very hard not to talk crap about people I don't know personally... and I try to respect people and not pass judgment... I have at times done exactly that - passed judgment on working moms when I saw something slip through the cracks that shouldn't have because she or dad were too busy working and not paying attention. Especially when volunteering as much as I have done at the schools... it's easy to spot the kids whose parents work a lot and aren't giving their kids their full attention. I try to be understanding and not pass judgement but sometimes I do slip up.

I know that's wrong of me, but I'll own up to the fact that I do catch myself doing that from time to time. And pretty soon (hopefully - fingers crossed) I'll be a working mom and I'm sure things will slip through the cracks once in awhile because I'll be too distracted or preoccupied with work, and some sahm who is more focused on her children will call me out on it, or at least notice it and pass judgment on me. It's just how things are.
The tacit implication above that working mom are inherently "letting things slip through the cracks" and SAHMs don't is ridiculous. Being a human being is what causes people to make mistakes and not their career choice, meaning its level of business and not a lack of focus on their children.

As a teacher I know PLENTY of very busy SAHMs who forget things occasionally, probably at a very similar rate as working parents.

Pretending there is more dichotomy between working parents and those who do not is simply an attempt to make a valid choice (staying at home with the kids) into something more than it is. The best thing for children hands down, is to stay at home with a parent until school starts. But that isnt what is claimed above, and the idea that having a parent go to a job during school hours while a SAHM stays home without one makes a parent worthy of "being called out" is unfair and nothing more or less than an attempt to justify a position that is not as clearly the better option.
 
Old 09-18-2011, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,894,814 times
Reputation: 2410
Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
I think that's interesting! Are you married?

I think of myself as a SAHM and a housewife. Because I am married and not working outside the home which qualifies me as a housewife, and because I am a mother and I do not work outside the home which means I'm a sahm. I also often refer to myself as a homemaker. On forms and things you often see homemaker, or that is the option, so it has kind of stuck. I'm a lot of other things, too, that aren't related to mothering or being a wife or running a household... but for the purpose of this thread I'll at least attempt to stay on topic (what is the topic again? )

Anyway - it's interesting that you say you're a sahm but not a housewife if you are also married. Would you mind explaining that a little more?
I'm not quite sure why you find that interesting or my marital status relevant.

I am married. I stay at home right now with the primary function of raising my children, not taking care of the household. When I was married without children I had a career. My household responsibilities now are not that much different than they were when I was working. I'm not sure if that's what you were getting at?

Haha re: what was the topic again?
 
Old 09-18-2011, 08:36 AM
 
2,713 posts, read 5,343,594 times
Reputation: 6197
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
I'm not quite sure why you find that interesting or my marital status relevant.

I am married. I stay at home right now with the primary function of raising my children, not taking care of the household. When I was married without children I had a career. My household responsibilities now are not that much different than they were when I was working. I'm not sure if that's what you were getting at?

Haha re: what was the topic again?
I think the question was asked because you specifically pointed out that you are not a housewife but a SAHM. That sounded like you were not married so the person was just curious. That's my guess anyway.

I've always thought if you are married and stay at home with the kids you are a SAHM and a housewife. There's no insult in any of that but you made it sound like housewife was a derogatory term.
 
Old 09-18-2011, 08:45 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,590,771 times
Reputation: 42767
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
The tacit implication above that working mom are inherently "letting things slip through the cracks" and SAHMs don't is ridiculous. Being a human being is what causes people to make mistakes and not their career choice, meaning its level of business and not a lack of focus on their children.
I agree. It's not like stay-at-home parents never overlook or forget something. There could be any number of reasons that something "fell through the cracks"--maybe a kid's mom stays at home but is busy with a new baby or several other children. Or is just lazy. That happens too.
 
Old 09-18-2011, 08:55 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,660,047 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
I think the question was asked because you specifically pointed out that you are not a housewife but a SAHM. That sounded like you were not married so the person was just curious. That's my guess anyway.

I've always thought if you are married and stay at home with the kids you are a SAHM and a housewife. There's no insult in any of that but you made it sound like housewife was a derogatory term.
The issue is because someone on this thread thinks there is no difference between being a SAHM and being a housewife.

There is truly, a world of difference between the two. The key difference, being a mother, means working mom have more in common with SAHM than SAHMs have with women who do not have children but stay home and take care of the house.

And I would find being called a housewife a derogatory term, especially for the years I stayed at home with my daughter. I was NOT a housewife I was a stay at home mom.
 
Old 09-18-2011, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,980 posts, read 14,522,330 times
Reputation: 14862
I personally dislike the term "housewife", and would never apply it to myself. If someone used it to define my or their role, then meh, but it's not in my vocabulary.

I am very glad that in my social circle the difference between working and SAH is only ever viewed as collaberative. We have a pay-it-forward system in place. I am the one who is called if one of their kids is sick at school, and I collect them until the parent can get home from work. If there is a weather incident, I have a gaggle I collect, and various working parents collect kids from our house. The working parents in turn do things for us when their time allows.

I will not waste time looking for fault in the way others live their lives. Living in and participating in my community is far more important to me than any imagined superiority.

Last edited by Zimbochick; 09-18-2011 at 09:29 AM..
 
Old 09-18-2011, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,894,814 times
Reputation: 2410
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
I think the question was asked because you specifically pointed out that you are not a housewife but a SAHM. That sounded like you were not married so the person was just curious. That's my guess anyway.

I've always thought if you are married and stay at home with the kids you are a SAHM and a housewife. There's no insult in any of that but you made it sound like housewife was a derogatory term.
I did not intend housewife to be derogatory. I was following up the discussion we've been having throughout the thread that the responsibilities of a SAHM are different than the responsibilities of a housewife, which is what the OP is. I also have no idea why it would be assumed that I wasn't married from that post? (still confused!!)

If you read my posts throughout the thread, I think it's pretty clear I don't have a problem with how anyone chooses to live their life. I do have questions about how the the OP sees the world and some of her assertions about feminism, as well as conflating staying home to raise children with staying home without children.

ETA: I think housewife is a somewhat dated term, IMO, and that it has different connotations than SAHM. I wonder if it's partially a generational thing?? I wouldn't identify as a housewife and wouldn't be thrilled if someone identified me as a housewife either, mainly because I find it inaccurate.

Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 09-18-2011 at 10:34 AM..
 
Old 09-18-2011, 10:25 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,836,254 times
Reputation: 12273
Quote:
Originally Posted by zimbochick View Post
i will not waste time looking for fault in the way others live their lives. Living in and participating in my community is far more important to me than any imagined superiority.
^^this^^
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