Being a stay-at-home mother (problems, floor, bathroom, preschooler)
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I'm not quite sure why you find that interesting or my marital status relevant.
I am married. I stay at home right now with the primary function of raising my children, not taking care of the household. When I was married without children I had a career. My household responsibilities now are not that much different than they were when I was working. I'm not sure if that's what you were getting at?
Haha re: what was the topic again?
I completely understand. I wouldn't be at home if not for my kids. I don't stay home so that I can clean house and make meals from scratch. I stay home to be with my kids. Being able to start dinner earlier and get laundry done during the day is a bonus.
I completely understand. I wouldn't be at home if not for my kids. I don't stay home so that I can clean house and make meals from scratch. I stay home to be with my kids. Being able to start dinner earlier and get laundry done during the day is a bonus.
Ha - yup, I hear that! re: bolded
And I have no problem with women who choose to make meals from scratch and take care of the home front in creative ways as their primary goal - it's just functionally different than staying home with the primarily goal of raising one's kids, that's all.
And to be perfectly honest there is a world of difference between staying home to raise and take care of one's children and choosing not to work period.
To all the SAHMs I appreciate what you do and I KNOW it is not easy to do.
I am also honest enough to admit I personally have no respect for people who are educated and choose to not work (even if it is just volunteering somewhere) even when they have no children.
I married young, the day after college graduation, worked 10 1/2 years, had a son, stayed home, am an empty nester and a stay at home wife (happily married for 39 years)with an education and valuable experience.
I was a 20 something during the height of the feminist revolution. I personally feel that we owe the feminists a debt of gratitude, Especially equal pay for equal work.. I do not think it is the movement that has vilified stay at home wives, and mothers--I think that it may be a reaction to the stress of the times where it is economically harder for women to stay home with their children.
Those who must work, and cannot stay home may be overcompensating by putting down the role of a SAHM. At the same time SAHM's have been putting down working mothers. The standard way to make oneself feel superior, is to try to make others feel inferior...racism, sexism, elitism, etc. This is fruitless and counterproductive. (for an example --if there were no SAHM's, who would be the home room moms or the chaperons for field trips??)
In the last 10 or 15 years, it has been drilled into many girls/women, that they must have their own career, make their own money, keep it separate from their spouse. While it is a totally prudent thing to do, at some point there needs to be a merging with a spouse in all ways to be one (IMO). At the same time, many young men, as evidenced on this forum, think of SAHMs and SAHW, as leeches. Ironically these "men" expect their significant others to do all of the housework. It is very sad.
I choose not to work "at a paying job", although I loved my work (at the time my son was born I was making substantially more than my spouse), the responsibility, and the excitement, and praise--I learned that I love my life even more as a happy wife, mother, grandmother, and a "just volunteering somewhere" person. I certainly never just stayed at home and let my mind turn to mush or become depressed. I would never say that it is the only right way to be.
A spouse who chooses to stay home, can be a valuable asset to their mate, and to their community. In my opinion the divorce rate has become so very high, because of pressure put on couples, for each of them to contribute monetarily to the marriage, with no value given to "home work". They are stressed over who does which chores, pays the bills, takes care of the cars--having to work on "home work" on the weekends instead of enjoying their family, or their coupleness. A stay at home spouse, that can take all of that stress off of the "earning" mate, supporting them, taking care of them when they are sick,( without having to take sick days themselves), entertaining their clients, etc. may actually be helping them to climb the ladder of success.
As it has been said over and over here--one's life is one's own business, there is no right way. We should be kind to one another--we never know when we might need eachother's support--the latest natural disasters as an example.
I just can't understand for the life of me why someone who is "educated" and childless chooses to stay home. I would go bananas. Seriously. When my kids are not home, I have to FIND things to do. I stay on top of things in a home with 4 kids, 3 dogs, and a husband, go to school, and work from home. I would be soooooo bored being a "housewife".
No offense, NYSinger, but coming here looking for validation for your choice is just silly. Silly.
I don't know...maybe you're able to walk around in pearls and heels and serve your man Donna Reed style and flash a permagrin, but I'm thanking God every day that he gave me a brain and the means to use it!
Have you ever heard the saying that "Bored People are Boring People"
And I have no problem with women who choose to make meals from scratch and take care of the home front in creative ways as their primary goal - it's just functionally different than staying home with the primarily goal of raising one's kids, that's all.
Yes. If a couple decides that one spouse should stay at home they do not need my permission and approval to do so. Nor do they need to have a child at home to justify that decision.
Too many women suffer from "caretaker" syndrome and feel that they are only worthy if they are taking care of someone else's needs. They've convinced themselves that their own wants and needs don't matter...
I don't know why I'm not like that, but I'm not. Give me one day/week off, and I'll pack it with all kinds of things that need to be done. Without a time limit or a deadline, I get nothing done.
I think what you need to be, when you are a stay at home wife with no kids, or an empty nester is to be a "self-starter." A self-starter is also valued in the workplace. If you can't think of worthwhile projects to accomplish, you definitely need a boss. You would never succeed as a Stay at Home.
I married young, the day after college graduation, worked 10 1/2 years, had a son, stayed home, am an empty nester and a stay at home wife (happily married for 39 years)with an education and valuable experience.
I was a 20 something during the height of the feminist revolution. I personally feel that we owe the feminists a debt of gratitude, Especially equal pay for equal work.. I do not think it is the movement that has vilified stay at home wives, and mothers--I think that it may be a reaction to the stress of the times where it is economically harder for women to stay home with their children.
Those who must work, and cannot stay home may be overcompensating by putting down the role of a SAHM. At the same time SAHM's have been putting down working mothers. The standard way to make oneself feel superior, is to try to make others feel inferior...racism, sexism, elitism, etc. This is fruitless and counterproductive. (for an example --if there were no SAHM's, who would be the home room moms or the chaperons for field trips??)
In the last 10 or 15 years, it has been drilled into many girls/women, that they must have their own career, make their own money, keep it separate from their spouse. While it is a totally prudent thing to do, at some point there needs to be a merging with a spouse in all ways to be one (IMO). At the same time, many young men, as evidenced on this forum, think of SAHMs and SAHW, as leeches. Ironically these "men" expect their significant others to do all of the housework. It is very sad.
I choose not to work "at a paying job", although I loved my work (at the time my son was born I was making substantially more than my spouse), the responsibility, and the excitement, and praise--I learned that I love my life even more as a happy wife, mother, grandmother, and a "just volunteering somewhere" person. I certainly never just stayed at home and let my mind turn to mush or become depressed. I would never say that it is the only right way to be.
A spouse who chooses to stay home, can be a valuable asset to their mate, and to their community. In my opinion the divorce rate has become so very high, because of pressure put on couples, for each of them to contribute monetarily to the marriage, with no value given to "home work". They are stressed over who does which chores, pays the bills, takes care of the cars--having to work on "home work" on the weekends instead of enjoying their family, or their coupleness. A stay at home spouse, that can take all of that stress off of the "earning" mate, supporting them, taking care of them when they are sick,( without having to take sick days themselves), entertaining their clients, etc. may actually be helping them to climb the ladder of success.
As it has been said over and over here--one's life is one's own business, there is no right way. We should be kind to one another--we never know when we might need eachother's support--the latest natural disasters as an example.
You forgot the last part of what you quotes and reacted to, though: when they have no children. Pretty much everybody here knows that stay-at-home mothers play an important role, perhaps excepting the OP. The OP questioned why so many of her friends seemed to want to quit work and be stay-at-home moms.
According to the list that YOU made for us, everything you do in a typical day is for yourself or your husband. As I said - fine, if that's what you want to do, but don't expect kudos from people outside your household. Are you asking me why I "require" SAHM to volunteer? I never said that I think my post you are referring to was made to tone down what the other poster was trying to say. She's being quite a bit more judgmental than I am. The part I bolded confuses me. You are NOT a mom. Don't even joke about it. Your head will spin around the day you try to maintain your current housekeeping standards with a baby needing to be fed and changed all day long.
I have read most of this thread--but may have missed something.
I am wondering what your job is, that it is such a contribution to the world, how are you "giving back? Or are you just making a living, and keeping the household at a minimum level. Who are you to make the judgment that doing only for oneself and one's husband is any lesser than say someone working in a factory making candy. Candy is not exactly a contribution to society--IMHO. Maybe she is enabling her husband to do a better job, maybe his job is contributing to the world.
I did want to maintain my housekeeping standards, so we scrimped and got a maid service every two weeks to do the heavy cleaning. Do you have kids??
You forgot the last part of what you quotes and reacted to, though: when they have no children. Pretty much everybody here knows that stay-at-home mothers play an important role, perhaps excepting the OP. The OP questioned why so many of her friends seemed to want to quit work and be stay-at-home moms.
I thought that I addressed that when I explained that I was an empty nester and have been for quite a while--also emphasizing the value of a stay at home spouse with or without children
I have read most of this thread--but may have missed something.
I am wondering what your job is, that it is such a contribution to the world, how are you "giving back? Or are you just making a living, and keeping the household at a minimum level. Who are you to make the judgment that doing only for oneself and one's husband is any lesser than say someone working in a factory making candy. Candy is not exactly a contribution to society--IMHO. Maybe she is enabling her husband to do a better job, maybe his job is contributing to the world.
I did want to maintain my housekeeping standards, so we scrimped and got a maid service every two weeks to do the heavy cleaning. Do you have kids??
Ok, you can't make the statement in bold followed by the statement in red. Obviously what follows is - who are you to make that judgment? Making a living is hard enough, even if that is what she's "just" doing.
This whole judging thing is getting ridiculous, and is further proving the point posted again and again, which is: It shouldn't matter what people's choices are, what matters is that they have the right to choose. End of story.
Followed by: Epilogue - You can't expect everybody to respect the choices you make, regardless of who gave you the power to make them. Close book.
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boring
