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I read an article about this in a parenting magazine, discussing several cases where kids were left in cars and died while the parent went off to work, etc. The article seemed to imply it is a common occurrence for parents to forget that their kids were in the car. It gave all sorts of strategies, like putting your purse in the back seat so you'll see your kid when you grab your purse, etc. In all my years of parenting, I never once forgot I had my kid(s) with me, even when they went to sleep in the car. I don't get it.
I think it's the "curse of parenting", where each parent starts from ground zero, knowing nothing.
me neither.
Is it lack of common sense? momentary lack of good judgement? Parents don't start out knowing nothing (Well, maybe some do). I didn't have to learn from experience not to do this. I just knew. I suppose we'll never know "why?"
I can be as forgetful as they come and I have never understood how parents forget children in the car. I personally think it's a good excuse for murder because all you have to do is squeeze out a few tears and claim forgetfulness and you're off free. And I don't buy the whole it's so easy because it's not part of the routine crap.
I can be as forgetful as they come and I have never understood how parents forget children in the car. I personally think it's a good excuse for murder because all you have to do is squeeze out a few tears and claim forgetfulness and you're off free. And I don't buy the whole it's so easy because it's not part of the routine crap.
Some people get in the car and go on auto-pilot. Maybe some people don't. But if you've got a big meeting to go to, and you're going over your presentation in your head, I think that the part of your brain that's doing the driving, stopping and going, monitoring the speed of the car, looking out for other traffic, that part of your brain goes on auto-pilot. And it's that part of the brain that keeps track of tasks, like dropping kids off at daycare. If that's not part of the usual routine, and that part of the brain is in auto-pilot, I can see how a parent could forget, and subsequently be devastated. Because the consequences are overwhelming.
I just think we should be wary of going overboard with judgment until we know a little more, and even when the facts are in, try a little empathy.
Some people get in the car and go on auto-pilot. Maybe some people don't. But if you've got a big meeting to go to, and you're going over your presentation in your head, I think that the part of your brain that's doing the driving, stopping and going, monitoring the speed of the car, looking out for other traffic, that part of your brain goes on auto-pilot. And it's that part of the brain that keeps track of tasks, like dropping kids off at daycare. If that's not part of the usual routine, and that part of the brain is in auto-pilot, I can see how a parent could forget, and subsequently be devastated. Because the consequences are overwhelming.
I just think we should be wary of going overboard with judgment until we know a little more, and even when the facts are in, try a little empathy.
Sorry, I don't buy that either. I have empathy for many things, this is just not one of them.
Sorry, I don't buy that either. I have empathy for many things, this is just not one of them.
You don't buy what? That people sometimes go on auto-pilot? You've never done some mundane task while thinking of something else, and then wondered about what you'd done? Washed the dishes, and wondered if you'd remembered to put away your grandmother's crystal in the special cabinet rather than with all the other glassware? Made a shopping list and headed out to the store, and wondered if you'd turned off the coffee pot before leaving? Turned on the water sprinklers in the evening, and then, after tucking the children in bed, brushing your teeth and washing your face, turning off all the lights and checking that the doors were locked, got into bed and thought, oops, forgot to turn off the sprinklers? People sometimes go on autopilot. And even though you or I may have never forgotten about other people in the car, it can and does happen.
You don't buy what? That people sometimes go on auto-pilot? You've never done some mundane task while thinking of something else, and then wondered about what you'd done? Washed the dishes, and wondered if you'd remembered to put away your grandmother's crystal in the special cabinet rather than with all the other glassware? Made a shopping list and headed out to the store, and wondered if you'd turned off the coffee pot before leaving? Turned on the water sprinklers in the evening, and then, after tucking the children in bed, brushing your teeth and washing your face, turning off all the lights and checking that the doors were locked, got into bed and thought, oops, forgot to turn off the sprinklers? People sometimes go on autopilot. And even though you or I may have never forgotten about other people in the car, it can and does happen.
You mentioned things, not life. Even in auto-pilot I remember where my kids are.
Some people get in the car and go on auto-pilot. Maybe some people don't. But if you've got a big meeting to go to, and you're going over your presentation in your head, I think that the part of your brain that's doing the driving, stopping and going, monitoring the speed of the car, looking out for other traffic, that part of your brain goes on auto-pilot. And it's that part of the brain that keeps track of tasks, like dropping kids off at daycare. If that's not part of the usual routine, and that part of the brain is in auto-pilot, I can see how a parent could forget, and subsequently be devastated. Because the consequences are overwhelming.
I just think we should be wary of going overboard with judgment until we know a little more, and even when the facts are in, try a little empathy.
Sorry, no, I do not buy this. How does one forget they have a child?
I can see how this can happen accidentally. I came very close to it once myself. I was very stressed at work, DH was out of work, bills were piling up, etc. DH normally took DD to daycare. One morning, he had a very early interview. We all got up and got ready like normal, but I was supposed to drop DD off at day care. Since we were all leaving at the same time, he even loaded DD into my car for me. Day care is only a couple of miles from the house. I drove right past it. I kept driving to work. When i was almost at my office, DD made a couple of noises in the backseat. I said (automatically without thinking about it) "It's ok Honey, we will be there in a minute and we will get out of the car". I drove for a bit more and then it clicked that I shouldn't be talking to DD this close to work.
I shudder to think what might have happened if DD hadn't made a noise, or the noise hadn't registered. Face it. Kids are noisy. Parents get good at tuning out a lot of their smaller noises.
I ended up installing a safety device in both of our cars. It has an alarm on your keychain. If you move more than 50 feet (i think) from the car when the car seat is buckled, the alarm goes off. I also saw some that lit up on your dashboard or your rearview mirror if you have the car seat buckled. These are great devices.
You don't buy what? That people sometimes go on auto-pilot? You've never done some mundane task while thinking of something else, and then wondered about what you'd done? Washed the dishes, and wondered if you'd remembered to put away your grandmother's crystal in the special cabinet rather than with all the other glassware? Made a shopping list and headed out to the store, and wondered if you'd turned off the coffee pot before leaving? Turned on the water sprinklers in the evening, and then, after tucking the children in bed, brushing your teeth and washing your face, turning off all the lights and checking that the doors were locked, got into bed and thought, oops, forgot to turn off the sprinklers? People sometimes go on autopilot. And even though you or I may have never forgotten about other people in the car, it can and does happen.
too true. ive gotten so forgetful that ive poured a cup of coffee, set it down, then turned around and poured myself a cup of coffee in a new cup. people amuse me. when i was a kid i was left in the car countless times. now it seems like society has put all kids into some figurative protective bubble. i just dont get it.
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