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I think that parents should begin teaching turn taking early on. We did this by counting turns for the swing at the park or teaching children to take turns on our *little slide* at the house (only one child at a time could climb the stairs because it only had 3 stairs). It started with the siblings and then moved to kids who came over to play at our house or in the park.
At 3 or 4, when we had playdates, we talked about sharing and asked our kids if there were specific toys they did not want to share. Those toys were put away until after the playdate. Anything that was left out was for all the kids to play with (turn taking was encouraged and we had a timer if there were disputes - a child might have a toy for 5 minutes until the timer went off and then he would give it to the next child). Often, special blankets were put away. We also did have duplicates of some of our popular toys so that more than one child could play with that toy and they could play together. (A big one was having two big wheels or two of the bigger fire engine trucks that my son liked to play with or two dolls for my daughter - different dolls, but similar in size and function)
Once kids were a bit older, they were encouraged to do cooperative activities that included sharing things like markers and crayons. They were encouraged to ask for the colors they needed, for example, if another child was using that color. They also played with legos and were encouraged to ask for the sizes and colors they needed rather than just grabbing if there were not enough of the one they needed.
When they were even older, we did cooperative projects which involved planning together and then doing a project where each child might have a specific job to do, but the final project was a collaborative one. Sometimes this involved building large lego creations and the kids negotiated how to put them together without adult intervention by the time they were 6 to 9.
Agree with this. Funny, I was once over a friends house eating an orange, and her daughter who is 3, started trying to get some of my orange. I politely told her "no" and continued to eat it. And then she started trying to grab for it and said "but your supposed to share". And she got very upset when I didn't. She was taught by her parents to share things--even things that she wanted to herself, and so she expected everyone to share.
I've never understood the concept of teaching children to share toys if they don't want to share them. When we become adults do we share "toys"(i.e. cars, gadgets, etc) with other adults? Why are we forcing children to share toys that they clearly don't want to share? Instead I'd rather kids bring their own toys over, to play with, or find a way to play with the toy together, as opposed to allowing a guest to come over and just take your toy and play with it as if it their own. It's bizarre to me.
ya... I taught my kids to share. Now that they are almost 6 and 8 they each think their brother has to give up his toy simply because he asks for it. So I told them if they want what the other has they have to ask for it politely. If asked politely, the nice thing to do is share it, but you don't have to. But, if you don't share this time, don't expect your brother to give up his toy next time. I also suggested they say something like "I'm using it right now. You can have it in 5 minutes."
Agree, if you force a kid to share, they're going to logically figure they have a right to everyone else's stuff as well. They're not stupid. I don't want to teach my kids to have a sense of entitlement.
You're not going to teach a kid to have a "sense of entitlement" by teaching them how to be a hospitable human being.
If you invite friends over for a game, do you make them sit on the floor while because you don't think they're entitled to sit on your couch that you own? Do you give them water because they aren't entitled to share your beer, which after all belongs to you and is your favorite?
If your kids are in a social setting and are playing with other children, it's downright rude for them to play with a toy without letting the other kid play with it too. Just flat out bad manners. If there's something precious to the child, then keep it out of sight of other children if they come over to play.
This whole fear of entitlement has turned some people into Scrooge-like and ungracious misers.
I'd rather risk an attitude of entitlement (which I highly doubt is a possible outcome) over a mine mine mine me me me one.
ya... I taught my kids to share. Now that they are almost 6 and 8 they each think their brother has to give up his toy simply because he asks for it. So I told them if they want what the other has they have to ask for it politely. If asked politely, the nice thing to do is share it, but you don't have to. But, if you don't share this time, don't expect your brother to give up his toy next time. I also suggested they say something like "I'm using it right now. You can have it in 5 minutes."
This is very similar to what we did. Some of the no sharing comments have me a little surprised. Sometimes when I read comments from parents a generation younger than My DH and me I think we really were one level above hippie commune. (I should add my adult sons do not have a sense of entitlement. No, indeedy. They are, however, very generous men.)
This is very similar to what we did. Some of the no sharing comments have me a little surprised. Sometimes when I read comments from parents a generation younger than My DH and me I think we really were one level above hippie commune. (I should add my adult sons do not have a sense of entitlement. No, indeedy. They are, however, very generous men.)
Very interesting.
I hope there is a happy medium where kids are happy to share, but also don't think they can just take toys away from someone else. Mine seem to do well at the park where it is normal for strangers to share sand toys. It is only with each other that they have issues.
I hope there is a happy medium where kids are happy to share, but also don't think they can just take toys away from someone else. Mine seem to do well at the park where it is normal for strangers to share sand toys. It is only with each other that they have issues.
Definitely a happy medium. The trick is finding it.
I think the key to a happy medium is to encourage taking turns (but not forcing them to take turns), leaving special toys at home, in the car or out of sight when guests come over and then waiting for development to take it's course. A parent can display sharing behaviors by sharing things with their kids. Expecting a toddler to be able to share just isn't realistic.
I never taught my dd to share but did all of the things above. By the time she was 4 she could share easily.
We have another family who is related to my boyfriend staying with us for a month. We have a 23 month old and they have a 21 month old. My daughter does not want to share her toys with their son. She will grab the toy and say mine. The otherparents mother will take the toy away from my daughter and give it back to her son. Then my daughter cries. She also has bitten him. My daughter shoved her son and she said that she tried poking his eye. It is very frustrating cause I feel like she is looking down on my daughter. She has even said when my daughter shoved him "You really want to hurt my son." How do I get my daughter to share. They have just recently started staying with us and I am not looking forward to the next month.
Oh Jesus. 20 months? Really? Do you think a 20 month old has the brain span to comprehend what "sharing" is? My LO is 22 months, and yes, she grabs things from kids all the time, and they grab things back. It's what BABIES do, and that's what she is. A 5 year old not sharing ok, but a baby?
And for that matter, when my lo goes to grab something back or vice versa, I don't hover around screaming "OMG, give that back" or scold her, bc it will do nothing. I just calmly say "That's that nice, give it back or We share." And most of the time she does.
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