Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I always ask my son to share toys with other kids. But I would meet some parents they don't do anything when their kids just grab toys from my son, or don't want to share anything.
I am little worried that my son will get confused about this. Why does he need to share with others while others don't want share . Or will he feel sort of inferior because he think he is always the one to give up.
Not sharing toys and one child grabbing a toy away from another child are two different things.
I taught my kids to share. Especially among themselves as I wanted them to have a sense of family and one for all, all for one. (Though they knew that some toys - birthday gifts, what not - were "theirs".) And I tried hard to teach them generosity. (Without getting walked on.)
When they were old enough to understand, grabbing toys from each other or a playmate was pretty much verbotten. Not saying they were perfect but we worked to instill the concept in them. We tied this into "Keep your hands to yourself".
One thing I always noticed re: the child who grabbed toys away from a playmate and the parents who turned a blind eye to the exchange. I usually didn't get along very well with those parents. They were usually "takers" themselves. I don't much care for "takers".
Hang in there, hhe1982. This is a difficult part of toddler-hood. Edit to add Dorthy is right. 20 mos is still pretty little to "get" these concepts.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 07-07-2011 at 11:10 AM..
Sharing is not a concept that a 20 month old is capable of understanding. Turn taking? Maybe. Sharing? No. Sharing comes naturally a little later, around the ages of 3 and 4.
At 20 months of age toddlers are starting to grasp or have already grasped the concept of ownership. It's why you hear the word "mine" all of the time. They think that they own everything. When you ask a 20 month old to share they can't understand that they will get that item back. The understanding of ownership is also why you are seeing toddlers grab things from your son. They think it's all theirs for the taking.
I did not force my child to share at that age. I did encourage turn taking when appropriate but never pushed the issue. Also, why should toddlers be expected to share their toys? I wouldn't share my purse with a stranger and I'd be pretty freaked out if I invited a friend over and they went through all my drawers and cupboards and "played" with my stuff. That's kind of what happens at a play date. No?
When my child was that age and wanted to play with someone else's toys in the sandbox at the playground I much preferred for dd to experience the disappointment of the child saying "NO, MINE!" then have the parent of the toddler who's toys she wanted to play with step in and force their child share. It made me very uncomfortable.
Sharing is not a concept that a 20 month old is capable of understanding. Turn taking? Maybe. Sharing? No. Sharing comes naturally a little later, around the ages of 3 and 4.
At 20 months of age toddlers are starting to grasp or have already grasped the concept of ownership. It's why you hear the word "mine" all of the time. They think that they own everything. When you ask a 20 month old to share they can't understand that they will get that item back. The understanding of ownership is also why you are seeing toddlers grab things from your son. They think it's all theirs for the taking.
I did not force my child to share at that age. I did encourage turn taking when appropriate but never pushed the issue. Also, why should toddlers be expected to share their toys? I wouldn't share my purse with a stranger and I'd be pretty freaked out if I invited a friend over and they went through all my drawers and cupboards and "played" with my stuff. That's kind of what happens at a play date. No?
When my child was that age and wanted to play with someone else's toys in the sandbox at the playground I much preferred for dd to experience the disappointment of the child saying "NO, MINE!" then have the parent of the toddler who's toys she wanted to play with step in and force their child share. It made me very uncomfortable.
Good advice so far, I would just want to add something that seemed to work for my kids. It's OK to have somethings that aren't shared. My son is quite fond of his stuffed elephant. As he's gotten older its not an issue, but when he was little it downright seemed cruel to make him share his most special thing.
So, we didn't make him. We let them understand that it was OK to have something special that didn't need to be shared (new toy, security item, etc.) but that everything else was fair game. I think having exclusive possession of something special, made it easier to share other things. Especially if there could only be one sacred item at a time.
We had rules that whatever you bring to the playground, you had to be willing to share. At home, keep the special toys aside if other friends come over. Kids at 20 months don't really understand the concept of sharing, but I think it's appropriate to talk about taking turns, and would not allow your son to grab toys from others. It's all part of a learning process. Don't get too uptight about it.
I would never force my kids to share their things. I would certainly impress upon them that sharing is sometimes a good policy and can be mutually beneficial, but to force sharing gives birth to the notion that they are somehow entitled to use everyone else's stuff as well, which they aren't.
I wouldn't be so quick to judge the other parents. As several have said, 20 months is very young for sharing. Grabbing toys away is de riguer at that age. The OP's son may do this, too, when Mom isn't around, or maybe even when she is. Or perhaps he is one of the less agressive kids in his group of friends.
I also agree with not requiring everything to be shared. I like UU's playground rules. If you don't want to share, don't bring it along, or don't have it out during the playdate. Some toys inevitably get broken, you don't want that to happen while a friend is playing with it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
