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Old 07-18-2011, 06:10 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
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Yes, it's worth it. There's no explaining it. You love your kids like nothing else.
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Old 07-18-2011, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 6,098,088 times
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Originally Posted by WyoEagle View Post

Is having a family worth it? In other words, is it worth it to have kids? Would you still do it if you could start over again? The reason I am asking this is just curiosity. Like the marriage question I asked earlier, I am just asking if I am missing anything. I would appreciate input from anyone, whether you have kids or not, if your kids are good, if your kids are lousy, whoever.
Having kids is, hands down, the hardest thing I've ever done. They're my best thing, as well.
OTOH, I don't pretend to know that would be the case for someone else.
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Old 07-18-2011, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
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Originally Posted by zonababe View Post
Can you tell us why it was the best thing you ever did?
Speaking as a parent to adults and teens: There is something amazingly cool about realizing that this person who is part of you is someone you would want to be around even if you hadn't given birth to/raised them. And something even amazingly cooler to look at them and see the parts that are you, but distilled into something so much better.
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Old 07-19-2011, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Austin Texas
474 posts, read 732,671 times
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Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Totally disagree. It's entirely possible to contribute to humanity and society without having children. And it could be successfully argued from many different angles that not having children is directly contributing to humanity, such as the world is overpopulated, some people shouldn't reproduce due to genetics, some people's values/knowledge/heritage is deterimental to society, etc.

I'm a parent, but it makes me sick when others treat childless people like their lives are purposeless.
Sure you can contribute to humanity. But it is not the same as raising children. It is indirect.

Overpopulation is a potential problem, but it not a problem for many industrialized countries. Japan's native birth rate is below the replacement rate now. The US is heading in that direction now.
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:47 AM
 
2,490 posts, read 3,563,985 times
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Originally Posted by jazznblues View Post
Sure you can contribute to humanity. But it is not the same as raising children. It is indirect.

Overpopulation is a potential problem, but it not a problem for many industrialized countries. Japan's native birth rate is below the replacement rate now. The US is heading in that direction now.
No actually, our birth rate has been pretty stable for the past 35 years, it's even higher than it was back in the late 1970s.

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/kits-trousses/issues-enjeux/c-g/images/chart1.gif (broken link)

Last edited by 90sman; 07-19-2011 at 11:05 AM..
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Old 07-19-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Hopes View Post

Sadly, a greater percentage of people in nursing homes are there because their family couldn't or wouldn't upheave their lives to care for them.
What do you mean by upheaving lives? Should children have their parents move in with them no matter the situation? Should children quit their jobs and move in to care for their aging parents? What if the parents don't want to move in? What if there are significant medical issues that need to be addressed that an adult child is not prepared to address? My mother-in-law is wheelchair bound, on oxygen and needs bedpans/diapers and regular blood pressure readings. Now that she is getting assisted care, her qualtiy of life has significantly improved. My father-in-law has Altzheimer's and has been quite aggressive even in the best of health. I would leave our home before I would allow him to be around our two young kids. They are afraid of him.

I ask this because every day my husband and I are wracked with guilt over his inlaws who are in an independent living/assisted care situation out of state. My husband has gone to great lengths (with time, financially) to get involved in every aspect of his parent's lives to get them the best care possible. Every effort is being made to make them comfortable and to get the best quality care possible. Unfortunately, they need medical help/supervision.

My point is not every parent who is in a nursing home is abandoned by their offspring. Hopefully this is not what you are implying.

To answer the OP: Our kids have been the joy of our lives. It can be challenging at times but so well worth it. Sorry to go offtopic in my comments above. Trying to make a point that not every situation is black and white.
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Old 07-19-2011, 01:38 PM
 
Location: here
24,286 posts, read 28,232,228 times
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Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
What do you mean by upheaving lives? Should children have their parents move in with them no matter the situation? Should children quit their jobs and move in to care for their aging parents? What if the parents don't want to move in? What if there are significant medical issues that need to be addressed that an adult child is not prepared to address? My mother-in-law is wheelchair bound, on oxygen and needs bedpans/diapers and regular blood pressure readings. Now that she is getting assisted care, her qualtiy of life has significantly improved. My father-in-law has Altzheimer's and has been quite aggressive even in the best of health. I would leave our home before I would allow him to be around our two young kids. They are afraid of him.

I ask this because every day my husband and I are wracked with guilt over his inlaws who are in an independent living/assisted care situation out of state. My husband has gone to great lengths (with time, financially) to get involved in every aspect of his parent's lives to get them the best care possible. Every effort is being made to make them comfortable and to get the best quality care possible. Unfortunately, they need medical help/supervision.

My point is not every parent who is in a nursing home is abandoned by their offspring. Hopefully this is not what you are implying.

To answer the OP: Our kids have been the joy of our lives. It can be challenging at times but so well worth it. Sorry to go offtopic in my comments above. Trying to make a point that not every situation is black and white.
I was the other half of that conversation and maybe I should clarify. I originally said my parents and my aunt upheaved their lives to take care of my grandma. she has lived in a retirement community, with my aunt, and will soon be moved to assisted living. My mom has paid all of her bills and managed her money for years. They drive her to all of her numerous appointments. They have had to deal with the police on several occasions because she has dementia and keeps escaping from my aunt's house. They do and will continue to do a lot for her, but she will not be living with them. She is at a point now where they can no longer care for her. She may not get daily visits in her next facility, but she'll get visitors. I don't know how many a person would consider enough. This all started because of one off hand comment about how "most" old people in homes don't get visits from their adult kids. Sorry to go OT, but I wanted to clarify that by saying my family upheaved their lives, I didn't mean grandma is living with them.
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Old 07-19-2011, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 32,519,287 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazymomof3 View Post
Married and 4 kids later...yes, definitely worth it. Do some days I wish I were single and could sleep all day? YES!

I know unconditional love.
I know what it feels like to love something so much it hurts.
I know that I'd give my life for my child.
I know that some days I wish they would just be quiet.
I know that someday I'm going to miss that noise.

I have 4 beautiful kids. I cry when they receive awards. I cry when they reach milestones. I miss them terribly when they are away, but wonder when they're going back when they come home.

But that's me and my husband. Do I sometimes want to mainline Prozac and Xanax before I go grocery shopping with them all? YES!

I cannot speak for others...I certainly NEVER saw myself with 4 kids, but now, it's really remarkable. Each day I surprise myself and each day is a new test of patience.
Shouldn't your name be Crazymomof4?
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Old 07-19-2011, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
5,653 posts, read 6,480,762 times
Reputation: 2428
Not to me.
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Old 07-19-2011, 05:29 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,736,543 times
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Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I was the other half of that conversation and maybe I should clarify. I originally said my parents and my aunt upheaved their lives to take care of my grandma. she has lived in a retirement community, with my aunt, and will soon be moved to assisted living. My mom has paid all of her bills and managed her money for years. They drive her to all of her numerous appointments. They have had to deal with the police on several occasions because she has dementia and keeps escaping from my aunt's house. They do and will continue to do a lot for her, but she will not be living with them. She is at a point now where they can no longer care for her. She may not get daily visits in her next facility, but she'll get visitors. I don't know how many a person would consider enough. This all started because of one off hand comment about how "most" old people in homes don't get visits from their adult kids. Sorry to go OT, but I wanted to clarify that by saying my family upheaved their lives, I didn't mean grandma is living with them.
Okies gotta. I read Hopes a bit wrong then in what I quoted and apologize. I was just reading something into it that probably wasn't meant. I just wanted to get the point across that not all elders that are in assisted living/indenpendent living are neglected and forgotten. My inlaws are on our minds everyday and we have done everything possible to get them into the best situation that we could. Both have pretty serious conditions now and I'm glad that they have daily medical care at this point. Also 3 gourmet meals a day.

We are in the process of moving out of state within the next year and when we get settled, we are looking into getting them out to us in the same state. For now, it would take hog tying my inlaws to get them to move up here in NJ, lol.

Overall a really tough situation and we try our best.
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