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Some people, however, would prefer to start their own traditions.
That would be all good and fine if both parents felt that way, but they don't.
Does her desire for a cute name trump his desire to honor a decades old tradition if they can't come to some other agreement?
That would be all good and fine if both parents felt that way, but they don't.
Does her desire for a cute name trump his desire to honor a decades old tradition if they can't come to some other agreement?
Except--
It is not her tradition. She is not married yet and however harsh PP's point was about the baby daddy getting gone, that was a valid point.
And we don't know whether she just wants a "cute" name (hopefully not Jaxxon or whatever that was) or whether she honestly, truly, down to her guts hates Clarence Lee.
PS: Not to get all moral and judgmental, but this is another reason why it is generally better to get married before having babies.
But that's the thing. When it comes to your child's name, I don't think anyone should "win." I think both parties should agree. I understand there was an agreement, but I don't know what I would do if my DH dug his heels in on a name I absolutely hated. If he wanted to compromise with a nickname, fine. But if he hated that idea to? I'm not sure what I would do and it would reflect poorly on him, I think. Tradition be damned.
When we named our son, I picked a name I've always loved. DH didn't like it quite as much, but he was fine with it. If he had hated it, no matter what agreement we had, I would have changed it. It's more important to me to have a name we both like - not just "can live with" - than for me to win.
This is a tough situation where I can honestly sympathize with both sides. However, if a choice has to be made, I still feel the fiance has a compelling reason for wanting to continue this tradition that is important to him, and the OP's reason is honestly kind of limp. Plus, she agreed that if it was a boy, he got to choose. I guess I would have to ask how much she really hates the name, which is particularly negligible in my mind since he already said they could use a nickname.
Does she dislike the name enough to hurt her husband over it? To hurt him because he wants to honor the memory of his deceased grandfather, his father, and give his son a part of himself? I can't imagine how he's going to take it when she says, "I'm sorry, sweetie. But I just despise your name so badly that even though it is really, really important to you, I can't possibly bear to name our son that, even if we use a nickname 99% of the time. It is more important to me that I get my way than that we continue this family tradition that you value so highly and that has been in place for three generations now. That's why I want to name the baby Jaxxon. Or Jace. Or Stokley." There are hills worth dying on and then there are issues not worth the energy it takes to fight over them. I agree with the poster a page or so ago who asked if it was really worth it to have your husband think of this snub every time he calls your son's name. I don't see how it is, especially when he's already agreed to a nickname being used. If OP is so upset she didn't get "the fun of choosing" then have her tell her husband she gets to name the next baby and be done with it.
They had an agreement and the OP chose not to bring up, "I would never name a baby after you," until it was conveniently too late. It seems unfortunate to change up the game now, especially after they made an agreement that he got to choose the name if it was a boy. If she chooses to back out now, I would have to wonder if he wouldn't start reconsidering whether marrying her was such a good idea at all. What else will she agree on and then change her tune as soon as her family tries to put their elbows in?
Except--It is not her tradition. She is not married yet and however harsh PP's point was about the baby daddy getting gone, that was a valid point. And we don't know whether she just wants a "cute" name (hopefully not Jaxxon or whatever that was) or whether she honestly, truly, down to her guts hates Clarence Lee. PS: Not to get all moral and judgmental, but this is another reason why it is generally better to get married before having babies.
That's fair. She could name the baby after him and he could decide to bolt. Of course, there's also the danger that if she goes back on their agreement, snubs him and his family name and puts whatever she wants on the birth certificate, he'll decide that he doesn't want to be married to the kind of woman who lies, holds power over his head, and when push comes to shove, only thinks of herself.
It is not her tradition. She is not married yet and however harsh PP's point was about the baby daddy getting gone, that was a valid point.
And we don't know whether she just wants a "cute" name (hopefully not Jaxxon or whatever that was) or whether she honestly, truly, down to her guts hates Clarence Lee.
PS: Not to get all moral and judgmental, but this is another reason why it is generally better to get married before having babies.
Yes. Although you can get in a bind when married. What if one of his sentimental, family traditions is that everyone goes to his parents' house for the Christmas every single year. Is she expected to go along with it?
Not quite the same, but I know a couple of women who have to pack up their kids, gifts, etc. every year to go off to their in-laws house because it's "tradition." And they don't like it one bit.
They had an agreement and the OP chose not to bring up, "I would never name a baby after you," until it was conveniently too late. It seems unfortunate to change up the game now, especially after they made an agreement that he got to choose the name if it was a boy. If she chooses to back out now, I would have to wonder if he wouldn't start reconsidering whether marrying her was such a good idea at all. What else will she agree on and then change her tune as soon as her family tries to put their elbows in?
Give the woman a break, will ya?
She is hormonal, stressed, unmarried, and feeling pressure from her family. I am guessing she is rather young. And probably scared and nervous, too, if this is her 1st baby.
EVERYONE that I've talked to cringes when I say that is going to be the baby's name. And my dad even told me tonight to NOT name the baby Clarence. I just got done talking to my fiance, and we got into a huge argument and are angry with each other. I feel a lot of pressure from other people to not name the baby this name, because everyone says it's ugly.
Any advice?
Yes. Stop talking all of this over with your friends and family.
I'm going to give you a massive break and tell myself that you are under the influence of Pregnant Lady Hormones. (Technical term.)
This is between you and your fiance. I'm thinking you are trying to get as many people on your side as possible. That's a horrible way to negotiate a relationship with the father of your child. It's between him and you.
Personally, if I loved a man enough to have his child and I made this "deal" with him, I'd name the child Clarence and put a picture of Grandpa in his baby room. And then I'd wait until I saw what kind of a personality the little guy had and give him an appropriate nick-name.
I hope you take all this as a mega lesson in the give and take in an adult relationship. Baby names are only the beginning. I truly hope you don't put everything up to a vote among your friends.
And I wish you a safe delivery and a healthy baby. Now go sit down and put your feet up. There are MUCH worse names than Clarence.
And we don't know whether she just wants a "cute" name (hopefully not Jaxxon or whatever that was) or whether she honestly, truly, down to her guts hates Clarence Lee.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunkisses87
Prior to hearing everyone's remarks about it, I thought the name was yucky too, but I was willing to go with it. But since I've had my baby shower, and talked to other people, it seems that the mass consensus is that it just isn't a good name. That I need to name the baby something cute like Jace or Jacob or something.... The name Clarence is country. I just don't like it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunkisses87
It's not helping that I'm feeling the pressure from family and friends to not name the baby this name.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunkisses87
My concern is that what my dad said about my son not being able to find jobs, may hold true. He said that names DO matter, and that employers would skip over my son's resume simply because his name sounds too country. I don't know if my dad was just saying that to get me not to name him that, or what. I guess I just need to know that this name is NOT that bad...
Seems to me that although she's not crazy about the name she was willing to live with it until friends and family started in with their opinions. If that's the case I would think she would care more about what the fiance thinks than assorted friends and family members. She's not going to be raising a family with them.
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Now go sit down and put your feet up. There are MUCH worse names than Clarence.
