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I ran this question by everyone as an experiment to get a national feel for things. Here in California many would have no problem with a gay couple adopting a child. I have no problem with it. Someone mentioned that the drugged out daughter could get pregnant again. She did and the couple also addopted the baby girl. Both brother and sister are being raised by the couple. The grandmother has been allowed to be a part of their life. One year the couple flew her out to visit them. The grandmother who is a co-worker is happy with the care that her grand kids are getting. She had her concerns as a conservative older woman but has enjoyed the association that she has had with this couple and the interaction that she has had with her grandkids.
During a discusion at work a co-worker that grew up in Iran stated that anything is better than having a child raised by gay people. That is the view of his upbringing. I wanted to see if others felt the same way.
Not me...I just want a child to be raised with loving and good parents. I am glad this all worked out.
Marlow, the only problem with that would be that the addict daughter would never stop extorting the adoptive couple for money. They would be at her mercy. If they tried to stop the extortion she would threaten to take the child back legally or by kidnapping, threaten to kill them or accuse them publicly of child abuse.
And don't let her decide she wants her baby back. She will behave as if they were only babysitting the child for all that time and now they can give it back and go away. They're financial and emotional investment be damned!
You can't invite someone who isn't rational and in control of themselves into your life because they will bring all their nightmarish crap with them. We're lucky the baby is escaping!
Open adoption does not mean that the daughter could take the child back whenever she wanted. It just means that she would be allowed to have contact with the child. Or, in some cases it just means that the adoptive parents send the mom photos and letters over the years. In any case, once a person gives up her parental rights and the adoption process is complete, the birth mom would have no hold over the adoptive parents.
And, as the OP stated, the child was adopted and at least her grandmother has contact with her and the relationship is good.
Even if you're against the gay thing...at least they don't pose a threat to his physical well-being. Whether they pose some kind of psychological problem is nebulous...the drug addict is going to bad to live with physically and mentally so it would seem a responsible couple with vast resources are a much more logical choice than a druggie no matter which way you slice it.
Have they looked into a traditional couple adopting the baby? That would seem like the best solution.
Open adoption does not mean that the daughter could take the child back whenever she wanted. It just means that she would be allowed to have contact with the child. Or, in some cases it just means that the adoptive parents send the mom photos and letters over the years. In any case, once a person gives up her parental rights and the adoption process is complete, the birth mom would have no hold over the adoptive parents.
And, as the OP stated, the child was adopted and at least her grandmother has contact with her and the relationship is good.
I'm glad theirs worked out. I noticed the grandmother is the only one "allowed" to have a relationship with the adoptive parents- not the mother. That's not quite an "open adoption". Sounds like the addict might have signed her rights away. I wonder if the couple will feel obligated to adopt every baby the addict mother has. I also wonder if any money changed hands to get the addict's signature on the dotted line. I'm glad the adoptive couple lives "flying distance" away. It keeps people from showing up at your door when they need drug money. Sounds like the parents are wisely keeping the addict mother at arm's length.
But so far, it sounds like a happy ending and I'm happy for the kids.
Last edited by laysayfair; 07-21-2011 at 12:08 PM..
Reason: add
At work today this topic came up. A woman in her late 50's could not raise her 1 month old grandson. She was working 2 jobs to support her disabled and bed ridden husband, a drug addict daughter and a teenage grand son. The baby was produced by her drug addicted daughter and has problems of his own.
Her choices:
1. Have her daughter raise the baby
2. Have a gay couple that have offered to adopt the baby take him. Both are Doctorsand have the resources to raise the baby.
If these were your only choices what would you do?
We were having a discussion at work and one employee is against the homosexual lifestyle. He couldn't see fit to leave any kids with them. Another employee noted that the baby would never want for anything with them and would have a nice life. I had no problem with the men raising the baby. Heck if they want any more kids they could take a few of mine. LOL What do you think?
Well, as a gay parent of two, you can guess my answer! Think about the live of the child... one path would most likely be a miserable life for the child. The other, a life of great opportunity that would most likely lead to success. It's a no brainer, unless you're an ignorant homophobe!
I ran this question by everyone as an experiment to get a national feel for things. Here in California many would have no problem with a gay couple adopting a child. I have no problem with it. Someone mentioned that the drugged out daughter could get pregnant again. She did and the couple also addopted the baby girl. Both brother and sister are being raised by the couple. The grandmother has been allowed to be a part of their life. One year the couple flew her out to visit them. The grandmother who is a co-worker is happy with the care that her grand kids are getting. She had her concerns as a conservative older woman but has enjoyed the association that she has had with this couple and the interaction that she has had with her grandkids.
During a discusion at work a co-worker that grew up in Iran stated that anything is better than having a child raised by gay people. That is the view of his upbringing. I wanted to see if others felt the same way.
We have friends (gay couple) who have adopted two children from a young, drug-addicted woman who just recently had her 4th baby (at age 20) They turned down the offer to take the third child (someone else adopted her first one). This couple is well off, loving, and doing a great job with these children. They've raised one from the day he was born, and the other they received when he was 2, but he had been abused by the mother and was way behind in his development. Now he's happy, on target with development, and has a promising life ahead of him.
We have friends (gay couple) who have adopted two children from a young, drug-addicted woman who just recently had her 4th baby (at age 20) They turned down the offer to take the third child (someone else adopted her first one). This couple is well off, loving, and doing a great job with these children. They've raised one from the day he was born, and the other they received when he was 2, but he had been abused by the mother and was way behind in his development. Now he's happy, on target with development, and has a promising life ahead of him.
Anyone who chooses a drug addict parent over a stable couple shouldn't be making choices regarding child welfare! Feel free to subsitute the words "drug addict" for severely alcoholic, physically violent, sexually abusive, etc.
Thats a sticky place to be, this poor woman...In her 50's having two jobs in order to sustain the family since her husband is sick and taking care of her drug addicted daughter and teen grandson?
It is so hard to state because it is a emotional situation..She obviously cannot however she will feel immense guilt adopting this new baby out since she is already raising one grandchild as well as his mother!
Ultimately? This is not her choice to be made, it is her daughters, it is her child and it is up to her drug addicted daughter to decide..
As an outsider it is relatively wasy for me to state "Adopt him out to the male couple, he would go without nothing and probably have alot of love around him"
But my heart goes out to the grandma...
This is not her choice to be made, it is her daughters, it is her child and it is up to her drug addicted daughter to decide..
But my heart goes out to the grandma...
In the state of California drug addicted individuals can and do lose their children. They try to place them with family if they can. In this case the grandmother took custody to keep the children out of the system and then aranged the adoption thru a service. She can still see the grandchildren.
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) They turned down the offer to take the third child (someone else adopted her first one). This couple is well off, loving, and doing a great job with these children. They've raised one from the day he was born, and the other they received when he was 2, but he had been abused by the mother and was way behind in his development. Now he's happy, on target with development, and has a promising life ahead of him.
