Co-sleeping with children/infants (method, milk, wakes up, toddler)

[FinsterRufus]

I think it depends when you had your children. If you had your baby in the last decade or so, and did any research at all on the internet, you will have come across the term co-sleep, and will have found it to be a pretty common term for sleeping either next to or nearby an infant, generally for the purpose of night breastfeeding, or for keeping your baby close by at night.

If your baby is now in their 20's, and really you have no interest in reading about newborns and what the wisdom of the day is regarding what to do with them when they come live with you - then you probably will not have heard the term, have no real interest in the term, or any need to apply it anywhere in your daily life.

I'm kinda shocked everyone gets in such a bunch about it. After all, it's easier to say "We eat out a lot" than to say "We tend to frequent restaurants on a regular basis for the purpose of feeding ourselves at dinner time".

And just as eating out a lot doesn't necessarily make you a foodie or a self proclaimed Gourmand, neither does co-sleeping turn you into an all out Attachment Parenting disciple.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by FinsterRufus

I think it depends when you had your children. If you had your baby in the last decade or so, and did any research at all on the internet, you will have come across the term co-sleep, and will have found it to be a pretty common term for sleeping either next to or nearby an infant, generally for the purpose of night breastfeeding, or for keeping your baby close by at night.

If your baby is now in their 20's, and really you have no interest in reading about newborns and what the wisdom of the day is regarding what to do with them when they come live with you - then you probably will not have heard the term, have no real interest in the term, or any need to apply it anywhere in your daily life.

I'm kinda shocked everyone gets in such a bunch about it. After all, it's easier to say "We eat out a lot" than to say "We tend to frequent restaurants on a regular basis for the purpose of feeding ourselves at dinner time".

And just as eating out a lot doesn't necessarily make you a foodie or a self proclaimed Gourmand, neither does co-sleeping turn you into an all out Attachment Parenting disciple.

Well, it's an inaccurate use of the prefix "co". A co-pilot flies a plane in tandem with the pilot. Two or more people work together to co-write a book or a screenplay. You operate as a team with your co-workers.

But you cannot sleep for another person and your sleeping does not determine if they are sleeping. Each person is either awake or they are asleep independent of one another.

I'm going to write to The People In Charge Of Words about this.

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

I think because when they come up with new terms for something that's always been a part of life long before the new term was invented, it sounds pretentious. It's not part of everyone's language. I'd never heard the term until City-Data, and it was not clear to me what was meant by it.

I never heard of Dr. William Sears, either--but I just did a search for him on Google. I guess "attachment parenting" is another one of those new terms, too.

Yes yes and yes, couldn't rep you again so soon. Attachment parenting, free-range parenting, co-sleeping...

it's all just a bunch of catch-phrases and cliches with trendy names to grab the attention of people who want to feel like their lifestyle is more special than someone else's lifestyle.

It's no longer trendy to sleep with your children. But if you call it co-sleeping, it's what the elite do, and that makes you special instead of unusual and possibly thought of as slightly eccentric.

You can no longer say "yeah I trust my kids with the neighbors' kids in the back yard," because people will look at you funny and accuse you of being inattentive to your children. But if you say "we enjoy free-range parenting in our home" they'll say "ohhh they're SPESHUL they must've taken a course or read some really cool books or something."

Next thing you know, it won't be called breastfeeding anymore, it'll be called self-organic infant nourishing, or SOIN for short, and it'll be what all the coolest moms do - even though it's just some normal thing women have done since Eve, and is NOT anything special in the overall scheme of things.

Personally I think all these little catch phrases were coined by self-help baby-rearing authors just to sell more books.

And, I think they're all silly.

You don't co-sleep. Either you sleep or you don't sleep. It's not a co-sleeper, it's a freaking bassinet. Your breast is not an infant nourishment-enhancement device, it's a breast, for crying out loud. And you aren't free-range parenting, your kid isn't a damned chicken. It's a child. Oh yeah and you're not unschooling. If your kid isn't in a traditional classroom setting, but you are educating him, then he is still being schooled. But, instead of a teacher schooling him, you are allowing his environment to school him. So call it environmental schooling if you must, but "unschooling" makes me think of "UnCola," and Geoffrey Holder hasn't done 7-up commercials in a couple of decades now.

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by FinsterRufus

I think it depends when you had your children. If you had your baby in the last decade or so, and did any research at all on the internet, you will have come across the term co-sleep, and will have found it to be a pretty common term for sleeping either next to or nearby an infant, generally for the purpose of night breastfeeding, or for keeping your baby close by at night.

If your baby is now in their 20's, and really you have no interest in reading about newborns and what the wisdom of the day is regarding what to do with them when they come live with you - then you probably will not have heard the term, have no real interest in the term, or any need to apply it anywhere in your daily life.

I'm kinda shocked everyone gets in such a bunch about it. After all, it's easier to say "We eat out a lot" than to say "We tend to frequent restaurants on a regular basis for the purpose of feeding ourselves at dinner time".

And just as eating out a lot doesn't necessarily make you a foodie or a self proclaimed Gourmand, neither does co-sleeping turn you into an all out Attachment Parenting disciple.

But if you're eating out a lot, together, you aren't "co-eating." You're just eating. When you all wake up in the morning and get ready for work and school, you're not co-organizing, or co-preparing, or co-readying.

Just because you do something with someone else, doesn't mean you have to add a "co" in front of it. It's the trendy fashionista cliche pinky-liftingness of it all that gets some panties in a twist. For me, it just makes me roll my eyes because as I said in the above post, I think it's silly and pretentious. Not everyone can live in Greenwich CT, and most of the people who live there don't use these terms either. And that's okay. Honestly. There already was perfectly good term for this - it was called "sleeping with." There was no need to add the co- to the front of it.

[Dorthy]

It's really funny to me that people don't seem to mind the act of "co-sleeping", it's the terminology that infuriates them. Interesting.

I wonder what people think of the phrase, "Cry it out"? Cry what out? Can someone please define "it" before I blow a gasket over here.

[marmom]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

I guess "attachment parenting" is another one of those new terms, too.

Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby in 1969.

Originally Posted by AnonChick

Yes yes and yes, couldn't rep you again so soon. Attachment parenting, free-range parenting, co-sleeping...

it's all just a bunch of catch-phrases and cliches with trendy names to grab the attention of people who want to feel like their lifestyle is more special than someone else's lifestyle.

It's no longer trendy to sleep with your children. But if you call it co-sleeping, it's what the elite do, and that makes you special instead of unusual and possibly thought of as slightly eccentric.

You can no longer say "yeah I trust my kids with the neighbors' kids in the back yard," because people will look at you funny and accuse you of being inattentive to your children. But if you say "we enjoy free-range parenting in our home" they'll say "ohhh they're SPESHUL they must've taken a course or read some really cool books or something."

Next thing you know, it won't be called breastfeeding anymore, it'll be called self-organic infant nourishing, or SOIN for short, and it'll be what all the coolest moms do - even though it's just some normal thing women have done since Eve, and is NOT anything special in the overall scheme of things.

Personally I think all these little catch phrases were coined by self-help baby-rearing authors just to sell more books.

And, I think they're all silly.

You don't co-sleep. Either you sleep or you don't sleep. It's not a co-sleeper, it's a freaking bassinet. Your breast is not an infant nourishment-enhancement device, it's a breast, for crying out loud. And you aren't free-range parenting, your kid isn't a damned chicken. It's a child. Oh yeah and you're not unschooling. If your kid isn't in a traditional classroom setting, but you are educating him, then he is still being schooled. But, instead of a teacher schooling him, you are allowing his environment to school him. So call it environmental schooling if you must, but "unschooling" makes me think of "UnCola," and Geoffrey Holder hasn't done 7-up commercials in a couple of decades now.

Tell us what you really think, AnonChick. You are WAY too reserved on this forum .

[FinsterRufus]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

But if you're eating out a lot, together, you aren't "co-eating." You're just eating. When you all wake up in the morning and get ready for work and school, you're not co-organizing, or co-preparing, or co-readying.

Just because you do something with someone else, doesn't mean you have to add a "co" in front of it. It's the trendy fashionista cliche pinky-liftingness of it all that gets some panties in a twist. For me, it just makes me roll my eyes because as I said in the above post, I think it's silly and pretentious. Not everyone can live in Greenwich CT, and most of the people who live there don't use these terms either. And that's okay. Honestly. There already was perfectly good term for this - it was called "sleeping with." There was no need to add the co- to the front of it.

Well firstly, the term "sleeping with" is not accurate. Co-sleeping means to sleep in close proximity to, such as in the same room, and sometimes the same bed (which is further defined as "bed sharing" although the two terms are often thought to mean the same thing), as opposed to putting the baby in a separate room from the get go. "Sleeping with" would infer you always share the bed with the baby. That's not necessarily the case. And really, "sleeping with" is a already a colloquial term more commonly used for something you do with your SO, as is the phrase "we sleep together".

And "we" aren't adding a co in front of it. The term has already been coined. We're just using the noun that's currently in use in the new parent vernacular. You are quite allowed to think it's silly and pretentious, but it's already a part of the lexicon, and if you think just about all new parents that have internet access and can read a book don't use that term, think again.

I guarantee everybody from Butte Montana to Cape Cod does and will use it. It's common language. Most people that have had a baby in the last five years has heard it and has probably voiced whether they will or won't at some point. It's only people that have no current connections to newborns who think it's so weird and fancy schmancy.

It's not just parents that do it that use it, either. Parents who have no desire to sleep in the same room with their baby or to score points with their sleeping arrangement will also say "I don't co-sleep". So if it was just for pretentious showing off people, why would the people who don't do it also use it? Because it's now an extremely common way to describe your sleeping habits, that's why.

Honestly, the people that use the term don't put nearly as much thought into it as you do. It may have started out as attachment parenting jargon, but it's way surpassed it's own raison d'etre to become just a common use every day word.

[BuckeyezRule]

Originally Posted by Dorthy

It's really funny to me that people don't seem to mind the act of "co-sleeping", it's the terminology that infuriates them. Interesting.

No kidding! lol I guess I'm a snob. We co-slept, & I practiced attachment parenting, since I wore my daughter most of her 1st year, as she wanted to be held, so I did. I was told not to w/ my son, my 1st, &, I listened. He was miserable, & so was I. My daughter arrived when my son was 12 1/2 mos old. I wore her as much for me as for her. lol

Why does it seem 'elitist'? (sp?) It's just words! Just because I do it doesn't mean I think I'm better than anyone. Everyone does things their own way. Believe me, I'm a subpar parent most days.

You would not believe how nasty people got when they found out we co-slept (not most, just some) . Maybe they thought the same, that I thought I was better because we did. Not the case. If anyone met me, you wouldn't think it. I'm the least snobby person. lol

I have friends who practice just about any form of natural & attachment parenting you can think of. lol I'm on the bottom. I only did a few things. lol

[marmom]

It's true that people want to put parents into neat little packages of "parenting systems" when the reality is that most don't fit into a package. I do a lot of things that have been made fun of on this thread and forum, and it's not because I am pretentious, elitist, think I am special, or think I am better than anyone else.

A couple of years before I became a mother I spent a lot of time in Mexico and what I saw profoundly influenced my parenting practices. Mothers wore their babies, and I observed that their babies always seemed to be content and happy. Mothers took their babies with them everywhere, and babies and children were incorporated into every aspect of the daily routine, including work. Moms were not freaking out about their toddlers falling or getting a germ on them / in them. Everyone was relaxed and happy.

I decided I wanted to "wear" my baby. I also knew I wanted to try breastfeeding. My hope was to be able to pump breast milk and give it to my baby in a bottle for at least a year or so. Then I never got around to the pumping part (well I tried it and hated it). So my kids never had a bottle, mainly because I was too lazy. Breastfeeding is just too darn convenient. No pumps or tubes, no formula to mix, nothing to wash or carry. I started "co-sleeping" / "sleeping with" my baby in an effort to not be completely sleep deprived, and it worked. We kept doing it because it worked for everyone and we all liked the arrangement. None of this was planned or part of a system.

I never even heard about "attachment parenting" until long after these practices evolved on their own in my life. I've never read anything by Dr. Sears. I've been discouraged, berated, talked down to, and generally met with a lot of rudeness because of my choices. This has come from family, friends, our pediatrician, and even complete strangers. It's a shame that parents can't do what they feel is best and what works best for them without people being so judgmental and petty. As long as there is no abuse, I couldn't care less how others choose to raise their children.

[Ringo1]

I 'co-slept' with my son despite the advice of his pediatrician (don't get it started!) and my family (he needs to cry it out).

As an infant, he had colick, and I was working full time. So, putting him in my bed was almost a necessity to me getting any rest.

I will say, it was HARD to get him out of my bed, by the time I was ready. I think he probably was going into second grade when I coaxed him into his own room. Painted it blue, got "Patriots" bedspread and pillows, etc.

I wasn't really into sleeping with him until his teen years and have heard stories of parents sleeping with their kids that length of time because they just couldn't get them to sleep in their own bed.

I'm not sorry I did it; but I do think there is a time limit.