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Of course I won't kick my kids out at 18, but at the same time, I'll make it clear to them -- like my mother did to me -- that you will be lifting your own weight and contributing. Lifting your own weight means that if you are not going to school, then you will be working. Contributing means that you will be contributing something towards the house. Not because we need the money, but to teach you that things just don't come to you in this world. I've been living on my own since 19 and only returned home twice -- briefly (as in months) -- 1) at 21, when I wanted to save a lot of money for the downpayment of my first home and 2) at 28, when I sold my home and needed a place to stay before the move to Texas. In both instances, I paid my mother/grandmother money -- not quite rent, but something to defray any costs/expenses. It was more symbolic than anything else. I am fiercely independent, just like my mom, and I see my daughters being the same way. If they are anything like me, they'll want to be out as soon as legally possible. This isn't everybody's family model, but it's what I am used to and I am glad that my mother instilled such a sense of empowerment within me. And it doesn't mean that as a family we aren't close, either.
I will never kick them out, but I refuse to be an enabler and I want them to be strong, independent women who will never need the government, a man, etc. to help them in life.
Of course I won't kick my kids out at 18, but at the same time, I'll make it clear to them -- like my mother did to me -- that you will be lifting your own weight and contributing. Lifting your own weight means that if you are not going to school, then you will be working. Contributing means that you will be contributing something towards the house. Not because we need the money, but to teach you that things just don't come to you in this world. I've been living on my own since 19 and only returned home twice -- briefly (as in months) -- 1) at 21, when I wanted to save a lot of money for the downpayment of my first home and 2) at 28, when I sold my home and needed a place to stay before the move to Texas. In both instances, I paid my mother/grandmother money -- not quite rent, but something to defray any costs/expenses. It was more symbolic than anything else. I am fiercely independent, just like my mom, and I see my daughters being the same way. If they are anything like me, they'll want to be out as soon as legally possible. This isn't everybody's family model, but it's what I am used to and I am glad that my mother instilled such a sense of empowerment within me. And it doesn't mean that as a family we aren't close, either.
I will never kick them out, but I refuse to be an enabler and I want them to be strong, independent women who will never need the government, a man, etc. to help them in life.
I would definitely kick then out IF they were egregiously taking advantage, unwilling to take any responsibility for themselves. Otherwise you are spot on IMO.
I'm a young man of today's world who started supporting himself at age 19. In my mind, I had no choice. So maybe it's just my independent spirit, but I honestly have no clue why most kids born in the 1970s and onward have such a hard time leaving home.
As for my children, I'd strongly encourage my daughter to support herself, but I don't believe in turning a young lady onto the street unless she's fully prepared. As for my male child, the path to making it on his own begins the day after he graduates from high school. If he's in college, help is here in any way he needs it, but the free meals and free room and board are kaput.
Spot on with this post. I don't have a clue either. My mother had to actually encourage me to stay home until 19, when I finally had a "real" job making "real money". Heck, I'd work two Wal Mart jobs if I had to, but I wanted my own responsibility, own space, own life. I was ready. Maybe it's like any developmental milestone (i.e. crawling, walking, etc.), some are ready and some aren't. I don't know.
I will do my job as their mother to give them the direction, emotional and financial support, and tools to be "all the woman they can be." It is their job to take those tools and put them to use. 18 is a crossroads. If they choose to go to college, I will assist (not entirely pay) them. They will pursue their dreams. If college isn't for them, I'd let them know that the world will not end (it sure didn't for me!). But if they are not in school, they will not be living under our roof not working and not contributing.
This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future she’s worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big government state that she’s being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion.
This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX Nov 18, 2010
Put me in charge . . .
Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.
Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.
Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?
You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.
In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good..â€
Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.
If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.
AND While you are on Gov’t subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov’t welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.
After graduating high school I tried Jr. College but just wanted to be a hairdresser which I became at 20. Maybe certain ethnic groups or religions are less likely to ask their kids to contribute financially than others and are less likely to ask their kids to move out if college is not their thing. I lived at home off and on until I was 32 after a few break ups. I wanted to move out at 20 when I got my first hair assistant job, but my Dad discouraged me by telling me how much money I would save staying at home. I probably would have anyway but the deal fell through with my potential roomate. I am grateful for my parent's always giving me a soft spot to land after several difficult times in my life. They did the same for my brother after his divorce and bk until he could get on his feet. Never asked for a dime and of course we both paid for our own things, phone, cars. Wouldn't take a dime either.
Why do American parents kick their children out after they turn age 18?
Most young adults WANT to live on their own!
And, also important, is that in many other countries (I am from one) young adults or even families simply can not afford with their wages to either buy or even rent a place of their own - yet or never.
This has changed recently, with advantages of mortgage system there, too, but it has also inflated home prices. Also, renting could be very unstable, as there are no established apartment companies and little protection in case landlord changes his/her mind and throws you out a month after moving-in (especially in you fixed the place up, so now it can be rented for more).
Here, it's a different story. I remember the happy realization that it was possible to rent even with a minimum-wage earnings... perhaps, not in all states, but in those more expensive places, roommating is a lot more common. Living with other people your age is a lot more appealing then living with parents, anyway
But, there is also a cultural difference, and traditional. Where I come from, in rural areas at least, the parents (and grandparents) also do(did?) everything possible to buy or build their off-spring a house... I never felt like I am entitled to it, though... and left to make my own
In America an 18 year old can easily find a job and take part time classes. In Europe(which is the only continent I can speak on because I am originally from there), college is your life. You don't have time to do much else besides study. It's also next to impossible to find a decent job without a college education or some kind of aprenticeship. So it makes more sense to stay with parents unless you don't live in an area with good schooling or opportunities or your parents have enough money to move out alone.
That being said, I don't know any Americans who were kicked out at 18 to become adults. I know kids who were kicked out because of an unstable home environment or disputes...
City planners allow for some 3-4 BR homes and then complain when there are a few cars parked in the driveway or on the front lawn. What did the City expect under the circumstances.......this happened in my home.
As they became teens and the need for transportation arose and then complaints to the City fathers started.
My wife passed away from Cancer and then the two teen daughters complained about doing the cooking and the laundry for their brothers but had NO problem doing the underwear for their boyfriends after shacking up.
I got to the point where I sold the house and forced everyone out on their own.
Italians and Mexicans have NO problem with the living conditions of large families in one home. Always somebody to share the rent, cook, do laundry....I have been there and lived it and life so much easier and happier.
In America an 18 year old can easily find a job and take part time classes. In Europe(which is the only continent I can speak on because I am originally from there), college is your life. You don't have time to do much else besides study. It's also next to impossible to find a decent job without a college education or some kind of aprenticeship. So it makes more sense to stay with parents unless you don't live in an area with good schooling or opportunities or your parents have enough money to move out alone.
That being said, I don't know any Americans who were kicked out at 18 to become adults. I know kids who were kicked out because of an unstable home environment or disputes...
First, I really doubt that young Americans leave their parents home earlier than young Europeans.
Denmark and Sweden 20
Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, France, Germany 22
Poland at age 24
Spain 25
Italy 26
I know it's difficult to compare both statistics, but I don't think that young Americans leave their parents earlier.
As far as I know college enrollment is lower in most European countries than in the U.S. To say "college is your life" sounds therefore somewhat odd. It's also more common to rent an apartment in Europe, so that makes it probably easier for young people to leave their parents.
At least in the richer European countries almost all younger people attend college or make an aprenticeship and are therefore able to find a decent job. The situation you described suits probably to countries like Italy, Spain, Portugal or Greece. But far less to other European countries.
The parenting style in Skandinavian countries, the Netherlands or Germany is more focused on to get the kids more independent. Therefore I think it's rather unklikely that young people in those countries stay longer with their parents than in the U.S.
City planners allow for some 3-4 BR homes and then complain when there are a few cars parked in the driveway or on the front lawn. What did the City expect under the circumstances.......this happened in my home.
As they became teens and the need for transportation arose and then complaints to the City fathers started.
My wife passed away from Cancer and then the two teen daughters complained about doing the cooking and the laundry for their brothers but had NO problem doing the underwear for their boyfriends after shacking up.
I got to the point where I sold the house and forced everyone out on their own.
Italians and Mexicans have NO problem with the living conditions of large families in one home. Always somebody to share the rent, cook, do laundry....I have been there and lived it and life so much easier and happier.
Why couldn't your sons wash their own laundry?
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