When do I tell my 9 & 10 yr. old boys that we're moving? (ideas, game)

[Kiwi]

There's been some great 'moving with kids' discussions on the parenting forum. They've mostly focused on the age of kids, and tips during the moving process and when you're in the new city.

My question is WHEN (and maybe how) do we tell our boys that we're moving out of state? We plan to move next summer (2008). We were thinking of not telling the kids until January and explain it all at once. OR, do we start giving hints this Fall. For example, when my husband and I visit the new city to look at houses this Fall, do we tell the kids we're going to look at real estate? Or do we say we're just going on a 'get-a-way weekend'?

Any ideas/advise is appreciated!

[tiffela74]

we told our kids once we knew it was a sure thing. We still had about a year to go too. This worked well for mine, they had plenty of time to get used to the idea. We looked it up on the web, looked for parks, and different activities our new home offered. Had the chamber of commerce send pretty much everything and then some that they had, so the kids could look through city maps, activity guides, tourist attractions, real estate books, you name it. We also kept up on the local news. It made the move a lot easier for them. (mine were 9, 6, and 2 when we moved btw) When my husband and i came here househunting, we took tons and tons of pictures. Plus got several newspapers, some postcards, and little souviner things for the kids. So for us, by the time we were ready to move, so were they. It went fairly well. And believe me, Id been awful worried, we'd lived in the same area all their lives, and they were moving away from 3 sets of grandparents and their only uncle! They did have a set of grandparents here waiting, that was mildly helpful, but they didnt hardly know them at that point. And they are quite different from the others, not really "kid people" so that wasnt much help. lol Anyhow, Thats just what worked for mine. Its not easy, especially when you first tell em! Best of luck to you!!
Tiffany

[123syl]

I recommend sitting down with them now and tell them the baisics and let them figure out the rest for themselves (it worked for my kids) if you let them find out some stuff for themselves it will be more like a game (but give them clues)
Arika

[Hoosier]

I think you're right on with waiting 'til January. My parents moved us every two years and they had it down to a science. Don't tell them too early because you don't know how they'll react. All four of us had different reactions each time we moved.

At the age your kids are I'd recommend doing something special like a weekend get-away to an indoor waterpark or maybe a dinner out to break the news to them. My parents did this one time and not being at home helped us out quite a bit. We were all excited and sad at the same time. And by way of Internet you can definitely engage them in their new life.

Be positive and excited but reassure them that you understand how tough this can be at their age. Focus on them. Many times my mom would complain about how tough it would be on her. As a kid we didn't need to hear about that...and being a kid we were selfish anyway. Going to a new school and adapting to a new area is pretty tough on kids, but with undestanding parents they can definitely make the transition...just keep them involved and make it an adventure for them.

Again, personally I think you are on the right page by waiting 'til January to tell the kids. It's still enough time to adjust to moving and be able to say goodbye to friends and favorite places.

[brokencrayola]

I would not tell them until you know for SURE, maybe a few months before you go. We made the mistake of telling our kids we would be moving this summer. It looks like now we won't. During that year they told people who told people who told people. We get people come up to us all the time asking about it and we are sick of it. The main thing is the kids stressed about the "new school", "will the kids be nice to me" stuff and at the same time "oh boy we get to live in a new place and house" etc. Too much wasted emotions, both good and bad and now it looks like we won't be moving until who knows when. Wait and tell them when it is a done deal.

[Kiwi]

Yes, my gut tells me to wait another 4-5 months before we tell our boys. There is the off chance that we wouldn't move, but I doubt it. Something major would have to happen. We definitely want to move before my oldest goes to middle school, so next summer is our last chance. Thanks again for your input.
Kiwi