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Old 07-28-2011, 04:34 PM
 
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I wonder if your mother is trying to let you know she really doesn't want to watch the kids for a very long day without coming out and saying so. I think it's wonderful that you take your grandmother to give your parents some respite, but, remember, your mother has her for 25-27 days of the month too.

If your grandmother needs care, adding to the responsibilities of your mother may be just too much for her. A short visit is much different than a 14 hour day. The request for money may be nothing more than a gentle dissuasion tactic.

When I had to fire a babysitter suddenly, my parents offered to help me out. I paid them the same money I was paying my ex-sitter. It made it easier on me by treating it as a business deal, instead of a favor. I knew they would be giving up a lot of freedom to make sure my son was well taken care of.
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I wonder if your mother is trying to let you know she really doesn't want to watch the kids for a very long day without coming out and saying so. I think it's wonderful that you take your grandmother to give your parents some respite, but, remember, your mother has her for 25-27 days of the month too.

If your grandmother needs care, adding to the responsibilities of your mother may be just too much for her. A short visit is much different than a 14 hour day. The request for money may be nothing more than a gentle dissuasion tactic.

When I had to fire a babysitter suddenly, my parents offered to help me out. I paid them the same money I was paying my ex-sitter. It made it easier on me by treating it as a business deal, instead of a favor. I knew they would be giving up a lot of freedom to make sure my son was well taken care of.
Although I agree with you to a certain extent here Mattie, (because a 2 yr old is tough enough to keep up with, much LESS a 2 and 5 yr old, when you're not used to it), but grandmother should have said something. Perhaps some people are just not content..."I don't get to see the kids enough"..."I'd like you to PAY me to spend the day with my grandkids". Some people are just never happy unless they've got something to complain about.
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:38 PM
 
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Child care is my profession and even I don't care for anyone's children for 14 hours in any one given day. That is a very long day especially for such young children, unless you are talking about overnight.
Believe me that if anyone here took someone's children for a regular 14 hour day they would soon see it was quite an effort. Relative or not. Add on an elderly adult also being cared for by an older adult now having to take care of two young children, and it can get very stressful very quickly.

I think paying anyone and everyone who keeps your child is the right thing to do, and paying accordingly for child care. $80 is higher than I charge, however I know there are many places that would be a going rate, so it may or may not be an appropriate amount. Now, if you were asking for a couple of hours one night a week, then that could easily fall under the category of g'ma getting quality time with the g'kids. But not 14 hours in one day every week. That is work.

Having said that......I tend to lean towards what Mattie said though. I think this was grandmother's way of saying......if you really want me to do this then it needs to be worth my while, and if you agree to my price then I'll know you are serious.

I also place this in a completely different category of your offering respite care to your parents each month. That is a family dynamic quite separate from needing child care while you work.
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Rogers, Arkansas
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$80 is a bit much, but I do think once there is a regular babysitting arrangement, there should be payment. It is very different having 2 kids for a long day every week where you cannot make other plans, to having them for a couple of hours when it suit. I think Mattie may have a point about grandma not really wanting to be tied down to one very long day a week though. Maybe you could look into a "mother's day out" type program for the kids, so your mom only has them for 6-7 hours?

The great-grandma thing does put a different spin on it- I would definitely ask your mom if she feels you should be paid for watching grandma too and if not, why not. I don't think it is the same as babysitting (making kids was your choice; having a grandma who now needs care was not your om's choice), but it's worth discussing.
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin_ie View Post
$80 is a bit much, but I do think once there is a regular babysitting arrangement, there should be payment. It is very different having 2 kids for a long day every week where you cannot make other plans, to having them for a couple of hours when it suit. I think Mattie may have a point about grandma not really wanting to be tied down to one very long day a week though. Maybe you could look into a "mother's day out" type program for the kids, so your mom only has them for 6-7 hours?

The great-grandma thing does put a different spin on it- I would definitely ask your mom if she feels you should be paid for watching grandma too and if not, why not. I don't think it is the same as babysitting (making kids was your choice; having a grandma who now needs care was not your om's choice), but it's worth discussing.
If I were in this situation and my mother was already taking care of HER ailing mother, I never would have allowed my mom to take the kids for an entire day...period. The more I think about the actual situation...and put myself in it, I know for a fact that the topic of pmt. for babysitting would never have come up. Even if my mom had willingly offered to take my small children for an entire day, when she was already occupied with the care of an elderly mother, I would NEVER have allowed it.

First of all, being a mother, and grandmother, I KNOW how much energy it takes to keep up with little ones. I absolutely could not imagine taking care of my elderly mother AND having my grandchildren for more than an hour or two. I still maintain my stance though on thinking it weird that she would complain about not being able to see the kids, then take on babysitting them for a full day....THEN ask to be reimbursed for the task.

OP, if you care about your mom, grandma and children, (I know you do), you really need to find someone else to watch the kids. Maybe your mom simply can't find another way of telling you, "I can't HANDLE it!!" Many of us, after not having little ones in the house, find it challenging and exhausting to have little ones around, especially when you've got other things that you need to be occupied with. Some people are great at it....some, not so much. Some grandparents live and breathe for their grandkids, some just want to see them once in a while.
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:31 PM
 
Location: NE TN~ TriCities
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^
What Hypocore said!
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mary54mi View Post
You will have a trusted person that loves your children who I'm sure is looking forward to a little extra income that she will probably spend on th kids anyway. Why not. Children are small for such a short time. And what you do for your Grammie you do out of the goodness of your heart. You are teaching your a valuable life lesson in love. They will remember this too when you are old.
I agree with mary54mi......is the 80$ going to cause your family hardship??If so then I'd have a different opinion, but if it's not, then I think it's a nice way for grandma(your mother) to make a few bucks for her pocket, and develope a stronger bond with the little ones at the same time.....it's only 2.75/hour /child......not much when you consider it's only once a week.....I doubt your mother would want the money if she were not in need.....You should think of it more as helping your mother out...and let her enjoy those little ones ...grandmas can be the best of babysitters
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Old 07-28-2011, 09:20 PM
 
Location: here
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My mom watched my kids one day/week while I worked, and I didn't pay her. But, she also didn't need the money. If my parents needed the money, I'd have offered to pay. If you pay her, I think a fair amount would be less than whatever you would pay a professional babysitter or day care. That way she is still doing you a favor, saving you money on child care, but also getting paid for her time, if she needs the money.
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Old 07-29-2011, 12:44 PM
 
538 posts, read 706,273 times
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It depends on your arrangement with her. Each family will be different.

Grandma watches my two kids one day a week. We don't pay her, but:
1) She often cancels last minute, making us scramble for child care we didn't expect
2) There are so many completely unrelated strings attached that I almost wished she wouldn't watch them at all..
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:48 PM
 
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This is a toughie. I wonder if maybe she's already overtaxed with caring for your grandmother (which, let's face it, can be a burden at times) full time. Of course, taking care of two small children full time is also taxing. Sounds like both of you have a lot on your plate. And of course, one would hope family would be willing to do these things as a labor of love, to some extent, but then you have to consider that if you shopped these things out, in reality, you'd pay much more for a babysitter for two kids for 14 hours. If you lucked out, maybe a daycare would take them for one day a week, but that's hard to come by in some areas. If your mom shopped around, she'd find the cost of having someone look after Grandma for 3-5 days a month is pricey too.

But the more I think about it, I really suspect this is just too much for your mom. She already has an aging mother to look after, and if she's old enough to have grandchildren, she's no spring chicken herself. Fourteen hours is a long day to chase toddlers and have an elderly mother (who we know, at the least, can't function well enough to be left alone.) In the interest of keeping the peace and not adding to your mother's plate, is there someone else you could get to watch your kids that one day a week?
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