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"Pick up your toys" is just too general for kids that age. You need to teach them how to pick up and give them simple directions "pick up all the cars and put them in the box" once that is done, "pick up all the Legos and put them in the box". As they get older 'pick up your toys' is fine but not at 3 and 5 and no, that is not to young to pick up after themselves.
Haha - no, it's not too much to ask, but you will likely be asking frequently! DS3 knows how to pick up his toys but it's still an uphill battle most of the time. I second the advice to be specific in your requests, have a song/routine for clean up, and keep plugging away at communicating your expectation that they clean up their things. We're setting the ground work for future cleaning behavior!
Any suggestions on how to get them to pick up without raising my voice or threats of punishment (usually not getting the toys for a certain amount of time)?
There is nothing wrong with not getting toys for a certain amount of time. We use a "Saturday box." The lesson is that kid is responsible for his or her belonings. And people who play clean up. No clean up, no play. If I clean up, then they go into the Saturday box until Saturday. No yelling needed. And next time, dollars gets you donuts they choose to pick up
It seems to me that make a game out of it and do it with them, sing a song ... these are all great ideas for the 9mo to 2yo range. By the time they are three and five, these tactics are teaching the wrong lesson. If you don't do it, I will do it with you. THEY are not responsible for clean up, you are.
I used to have "races" with my kids. Beat the timer or "quick, let's get all of these blocks put back so we have time for a story before Daddy gets home!" Or sometimes we'd play "assembly line." 3 yo would give the blocks, one at a time, to 5 yo, who would hand them to me, and I'd put them in the wagon. Or I'd have them take turns getting a "job" from me. The jobs would be, "3yo, your job is to get all of the playsilks and put them on my head! 5yo, your job is to make a big stack out of all of the books on the floor!" That would make it very easy for me to take the playsilks off of my head and put them in the bin, and to pick up the stack of books and stick them in the bookcase.
I do think it's too much to expect a 5- and a 3-year-old to "clean up the playroom," though. They need direction and help. While my now-10-year-old keeps his own room clean, my 8-year-old still needs some direction (i.e. pick up all of the clothes off of the floor and put them in the laundry room. Now go get all of the books and put them in the bookcase. Now pick up all of the papers and put them in the garbage, etc).
It seems to me that make a game out of it and do it with them, sing a song ... these are all great ideas for the 9mo to 2yo range. By the time they are three and five, these tactics are teaching the wrong lesson. If you don't do it, I will do it with you. THEY are not responsible for clean up, you are.
At 9 months, my kids weren't even walking so expecting them to clean up with a game and a song wasn't in the picture.
I don't see how making a chore a fun, cooperative time, is sending the wrong message. By working "with" them, what I was meaning is that the parent also spent time picking up. Not that they were picking up the kids mess, but doing something similar - picking up her things, or whatever. Not stirring dinner in another room or reading a magazine, or scolding disdainfully. Actively participating. Life is more pleasant when we work cooperatively. I don't see any harm in that.
Any suggestions on how to get them to pick up without raising my voice or threats of punishment (usually not getting the toys for a certain amount of time)?
At those ages? The best way I managed was to tell them we're going to do it, and then supervise (or micromanage, depending on your point of view): "Okay, now pick up three blue things." "Now pick up two cars." "Who can find the Cabbage Patch doll?"
Expecting them to do it independently at this stage of the game is probably futile. I'm sure that somewhere in the world there is an exemplary preschooler who always put his toys away when he was finished with them, but I've never actually met one.
At this stage (teens), my standard threat of "you clean it up or I will" is usually sufficient. They don't like how I clean things, because I am the Anti-Pack-Rat.
It seems to me that make a game out of it and do it with them, sing a song ... these are all great ideas for the 9mo to 2yo range. By the time they are three and five, these tactics are teaching the wrong lesson. If you don't do it, I will do it with you. THEY are not responsible for clean up, you are.
Did you ever hear that work goes quicker when it is done together? Remember the old Whistle While You Work song?
Seriously, at 3 and 5, picking up alone can be overwhelming. That's why you help. And as for making it a game, even adults like to make a game out of cleaning up. It makes the load lighter. What is being taught is that when something you don't enjoy has to be done, you can make it a bit more enjoyable.
Is it too much to ask 5 and 3 year olds to pick up toys?
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Originally Posted by Inciteful
Any suggestions on how to get them to pick up without raising my voice or threats of punishment (usually not getting the toys for a certain amount of time)?
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Originally Posted by Eresh
My daughter's (age 5) toys "disappear" during the night if they are still out after she has gone to bed. I rarely have to remind her any more.
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Originally Posted by magoomafoo
Shoot, my 1 1/2 year old grandaughter knows how to pick up her toys and is expected to when she comes to Grandma's house. We sing the "cleanup" song (we made one up) as she picks up her toys. They are never too young to learn.
^^The above are two excellent answers.^^
Actions have consequences. If they are not picking up their toys, it means they don't want to (and don't think they have to). Next time they start to take toys out, tell them they will disappear (the toys, not the kids) if they aren't put back where they belong, when they finish playing. By the second or third time the toys disappear, they will start picking them up. If they don't, at least you won't have any toys for 'you' to pick up.
Did you ever hear that work goes quicker when it is done together? Remember the old Whistle While You Work song?
Seriously, at 3 and 5, picking up alone can be overwhelming. That's why you help. And as for making it a game, even adults like to make a game out of cleaning up. It makes the load lighter. What is being taught is that when something you don't enjoy has to be done, you can make it a bit more enjoyable.
Another one is "many hands make light work"...it's not a new concept.
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Is it too much to ask 5 and 3 year olds to pick up toys?
) if they aren't put back where they belong, when they finish playing. By the second or third time the toys disappear, they will start picking them up. If they don't, at least you won't have any toys for 'you' to pick up.
